How to Navigate the Perils of Generosity
It’s foolish to let your generosity create indulgence in others. When others are able to respond generously to your generosity – but don’t – stop being generous with them. For example, adjusting an employee’s schedule is generous. Expect them, if they are able, to adjust to you when necessary.
Limit your generosity by the potential, ability and response of others.
- Prime the pump of generosity by starting all relationships generously.
- Expect those who have received generosity from you to extend it to others. If they do not, focus your generosity elsewhere.
- Withhold generosity when those who are able to express it don’t.
Generosity creates disrespect when someone who could return it doesn’t. I’m not saying you should give so you can get. Give so others can give.
“Takers” abuse generous people when it’s within their power to extend generosity but they don’t. Don’t let yourself be abused by takers. Don’t squander generosity. Give wisely.
4 Reasons you should give wisely.
- Life is short.
- You have limited stores of generosity.
- Maximum impact requires the wise application of limited resources.
- Apply generosity in ways that create maximum return.
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How do you determine when to extend generosity or not?
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There has been a lot of erroneous “new age” writing about the abundance mindset (e.g. “The Secret”) that tells people all they have to do is sit there and visualize material wealth and it will eventually materialize. This is all backwards. Anyone who really believes in the abundance of the universe will act as if that is the case, and – the formula we use at Values Coach – be extravagently generous in small ways. So, for example, leave a $20 tip on a $6 breakfast bill, or a Ten dollar bill on the bed of a hotel room.
This generosity will come back in ways that cannot be predicted but that can be expected.
Dear Dan,
I determine to extend generosity by others need. When people are needy, I extend my generosity. I prefer to extend generosity to ignorant and insensitive people. I think, these kind of people mostly need generosity. When people make mockery of your generosity, I usually avoid them. But irrespective of caste, gender, race, I extend generosity to misguided and needy people. I don’t expect them to be nice or generous to me, but I expect them to be generous to others. I believe that generosity has strong magnetic impact on those who really take it. It also provides multiplier effect on people sentiments and thinking. Being generous is human act. Generosity has all beauty inside it. Generosity is perhaps the greatest human values.
I am the recipient of much; I give much. I am known as a “generous person.” I like sharing and I don’t think of myself as somehow special because I am able to be generous and have a heart to do that. But, I have had trouble with extending kindness and generosity to an employee, or more than one, actually, who somehow believed that they had “earned” the bonuses, the gifts, the time off, the schedule changes always accommodated at their request. One employee actually treated me more disrespectfully, the better I treated her. She left. Another developed a grudge and left in a huff after she completely failed her commitments to the office. So, I have tried to not make gifts an “expected” thing, but a spontaneous one; and I try to hire folks with the ability to be and understand generosity, by hiring those who have demonstrated kindness and generosity in their lives before coming into mine.
Such interesting perspectives on generosity!
I found myself reacting however, to the notion that we have limited stores of it and that there is an expectation of a return on it. I may be naive here, but I question that generosity is limited in quantity. I also think expecting something in return doesn’t strike me as a generous act.
Having said this, I will give a lot more thought from this conversation, about whether I am conscious and intentional about extending generosity and to whom and to what degree. Thank you for inspiring these reflections!
Thanks for this post as it helps me think about how to think about extending generosity to those who handle it as if it is owed or as if they has no responsibility to give to others as well. I will not stop being generous because those who have much should be generous, but I agree that we should not foster indulgence and just accept lack of generosity of others. Everyone has the ability to be generous of spirit. Everyone can say thank you.
Thanks Dan! Whenever the headline gets me, I always know its something I need to hear.
generosoity is high frequency currency
Wonderful post in terms of generosity in relation to give and take, while P. S’ post reply above is spot on in terms of “Everyone has the ability to be generous of spirit” .
I don’t believe we have limited stores of generosity. I think it’s more like a muscle you can build. By giving you have more to give.
In a perfect world, I’d like to believe we have not only an unlimited capacity for generosity, but that the act of bestowing it on others wouldn’t drain us. In my own life, takers have made the world less than perfect. As an artist, I must re-fill the well from time to time, and if that makes me seem selfish (or what I call “self-ful”) then, so be it.
As the sole caretaker of an elderly parent, I must put my own oxygen mask on first, rather than trying to fix another person’s life at the expense of my own.
The spirit still finds paths to generosity, even if this person must find a way to survive in the real world.
I know your post was about the workplace – I know those types too! I can’t (and won’t) do their jobs in addition to mine.
I’m thinking of it this way. Generosity in it’s purest form holds limitless promise. When generosity becomes associated with expectations we want to shut it down. Likewise, we indulge in too much when the offering comes from a place of unworthiness, as a form of compensation. Balance lies in the purity of heart.
Thanks Marli. I’m not completely comfortable with what a wrote. Plus, I believe generosity with a hook isn’t generosity. Still, I’m trying to come to grips with the problems of abuse and enabling. Perhaps we can say that being generous to an irresponsible person isn’t generous at all, it’s dumb and counter-productive for everyone. Best, Dan
I feel I have a very generous team at work, partly because I am generous as I’m able to be. I cover for team members who need time for family responsibilities or personal issues. I have been impressed with the response as they have picked up portions of my work when I’ve gotten overwhelmed. I’ve noticed other teams whose managers are not generous and whose team members are not willing to go out of their way to help anyone. Thinking of these teams while reading your post made for an interesting contrast.