Kryptonite: The Thing That Weakens Leadership
Kryptonite is mythical material from Krypton that drains Superman of his superpowers.
Kryptonite:
The belief that self-evaluation trumps the evaluation of those directly impacted by your leadership weakens your effectiveness. What you think of your leadership isn’t as important as what others think.
Leadership is about others.
The people around you know what they think of your leadership. But, when they’re “wrong” you marginalize their feedback and move on.
Minimizing the perception of others gives you permission to ignore them.
Leaders who spout, “I don’t care what you think,” are asses. They often don’t have the courage or honesty to face hard truths about themselves.
You’re not as great as you think.
You have one or two outstanding leadership qualities. Anything beyond that and you reached divine status.
Benefit and danger:
The benefit of over-estimating your strength is the courage to try big things. The danger of over-estimating your strength is ignoring others.
10 ways to solve the kryptonite problem:
- Keep your big ego to yourself. Don’t talk about self-confidence. Self-confident leaders express confidence in others.
- If you are a leader with confidence, you aren’t as great as you think. (Meditate on that.)
- Say thank you when receiving feedback.
- Celebrate the strengths of others. Great leaders see greatness in others.
- When someone says, “You seem harsh,” for example, believe them.
- Treat others as more significant than yourself.
- The people around you are reluctant to tell you the brutal truth, even when you invite it. Work hard to get feedback.
- Listen to those who share your values and commitment to your organization.
- Listen to those who are committed to your success.
- Keep saying to yourself, “I could be wrong.” Keep asking others, “What do you think?”
You need enough ego to believe you matter but not so much that you ignore others.
What qualities become roadblocks leadership success?
This is the “K” installment of the Dictionary for Leaders Series.
What leadership words that begin with “K” can you add?
This is huge for me. This is what I am working on right now. Humility and loving leadership. How do I affect those around me? How do I help others to be more? Kindness is my leadership word beginning with K.
Thanks David. Kindness coupled with toughness definitely enhances our effectiveness as leaders. Thanks for sharing a bit of your journey. You have my best.
It may not be as common, but it could go the other way also, where other people have a HIGHER opinion of your leadership than you do. The danger of under-estimating your ability is hesitation to try big things.
Thanks Glen. I’m glad you came at this from the other side. It seems there’s almost always another side. 🙂
Yes, always another side, 180 degrees away….glad you two reminded us. Thanks.
My k word is knowledge. Without it, you have no credibility.
On the topic of confidence and leadership – I am a quiet, non-aggressive, leader who is always thinking of others. Many people in my organization perceive this as a weakness. I hate stereotyping but most of those folks are men. Despite “leaning in”, proving my value to the organization through the outcomes of my team’s efforts and being entirely engaged and supportive of our mission and goals, I am told by these colleagues to “get tough”….I know this is holding me back from furthering my career. Any advice for someone who just can’t turn herself into someone she is not? I’m sure there are other women out there who have experienced this issue in their professional lives.
Thanks for a post that really hit home!
Gabrielle
Thanks Gabrielle. The double k sound of knowledge coupled with credibility is wonderful.
Perhaps, you could say, “My first act of toughness is telling you to stop pressuring me to be like you.”
Or, you might explore what tough actually looks like. That would be an interesting conversation.
Or, you might find an organization that values quiet leaders. It’s easy for us extroverts to underestimate and undervalue quiet leaders. I’m ashamed to say it took me years to realize this blunder.
Or, you might blow your top in a public meeting and apologize later. 😉 Once should be enough.
Or, you could slip some of the new books coming out on this topic under the doors of leaders who just don’t get it.
You are wise to be concerned about these perceptions. It brings up the issue of how much we adapt. I go back to the idea that we listen most to those who share our values.
You honor us with your story. You have my best wishes for the journey.
I appreciate your Kind and Knowledgeable words Dan. Thanks again.
Kool
“Or, you might blow your top in a public meeting and apologize later. 😉 Once should be enough.”
Guilty! I tend to be one of those thoughtful, non aggressive leaders, and this is sometimes confused with softness or a lack of caring about what we do. I much prefer to create the conditions where my people can shine, and just bask in their reflection! Occasionally showing some fire during an open meeting (maybe once a year, unless cruelly provoked) reminds folks that I can be as tough as I need to be to suit the occasion. I make sure my normal kindness balances the sheet so that folks know I’m not difficult or mean, just passionate about our mission and our people.
Here is one possible “K” word: “Kvetch” from the Yiddish to complain or a complainer. Good leaders do not kvetch but know how to respond to kvecthes.
Thanks Jeffrey. I can’t complain about your comment.
4, 5, and 6 demand humility….Deep humility. And that’s hard. No matter who you are. It’s especially hard if people keep telling you what a great leader you are. But it is very important to listen to criticism. My dad would tell us to always hear criticism. Evaluate it to see what if anything was true. Then make appropriate changes.
Thanks Pete. I think humility is at the core of most if not all virtues. If there is a test of humility it must be receiving criticism well.
My word was Knowing……
Meaning that deep centered place of humility and
Connection to our own specific and unique
Leadership nature. That is worth exploring since
Much of everything else flows well from that
Source.
Our friend Gabrielle already knows her own
Distinct nature……. She is strong
These men are the feable attempt to rock
Her “knowing”……..
Be firm, kind, convicted…. Stay within your own
Style while leaning in……. You got this!!
Thanks Dan!!
Enjoyed this one!!
Thanks Dena. In a way, you’re encouraging Gabrielle to be tough. 🙂
I feel a tension between self-affirming self-knowledge and being open to feedback. Perhaps this tension is resolved by staying true to values while adapting methods.
Yes… Encouraging her.
Tension(what you describe)is released through humility.
Knowing is staying centered AND being open to
Learning and adaptability within one’s leadership
Umbrella……. Yes!
We are all evolving leaders…. That doesn’t stop
The “knowing” part evolves with us.
Too funny Dan!
I saw that ‘K’ tweet yesterday and Kryptonite was the FIRST word I thought of!
‘I’m just being me’ becomes a roadblock if/when it is tied with dishonesty and a lack of integrity.
Popularity becomes a roadblock when it means ignoring legitimate warnings from friends and team that the leader is resorting to deceitful and manipulative methods to ‘achieve’ certain aspects of their success. Eventually, it’s going to backfire on the leader and unfortunately, some leaders confuse the warning with ‘jealousy’.
Perhaps some leaders will think differently when they are sued for plagiarism!
Just one example off the top of my head….
Other ‘K’ words include:
• Kindness – not a pushover, but sincerely kind. Someone who genuinely cares about other people. Leaders who aren’t kind don’t really care about people. They care about being #1 and being on top…it’s an ego and power trip. Not about the people.
• Kinetic – this word came up for me and although it may not seem like it directly applies yet it reminds me that a leader is someone who sets things in motion and motivates the people and team to ACT >> on the vision, mission, tasks etc
• Keeper of the vision/mission/dream/goal – holds the vision and mission up as the beacon and reminder for why we are all doing what we do (on the team, biz, org, committee etc)
Someone already said knowledge. : )
Thanks Samantha. Great minds….
Your list of roadblocks is important for all of us to embrace.
I really like the feel of keep of the vision. In this case, vision is something entrusted to the care of a leader. That’s completely different from leaders who drive vision or who pressure people to adopt the vision.
Kinship. The people in the organization are an adopted work family and even though the Leader is the head, all participants are important to the whole operating system. The head needs to remember that it is the rest of the body that keeps it there.
Thanks Mary. Great word. Kinship feels like connection. 🙂
What I have found is that constant minimizing by peers and leadership leads to an unproductive, incivil workplace. Leadership sets the course and acknowledging that minimizing sets the unspoken social norm.
Thanks Peggy. I appreciate your insight. Sometimes we don’t have the courage to face challenges head on and treat people as equals at the same time.
I once overheard a conversation between two medical chiefs of staff: One who was older and was retiring, and the other who was taking over and asked for the elder’s best piece of advice. The elder thought for a moment and humbly said: “A guest sees more in an hour than a host in a year.”
Perhaps “K” can represent this: “All the “known” facts (or all the facts WE know)–are not ALL the facts…
Thanks Books. “all the facts we know are not all the facts” – bingo!
Leadership blinders, as discussed here, are very negative … good post with some great discussion and commentary.
Thanks John. Blinders and blindspots are great leadership words, even if they don’t begin with K.
Good morning Dan;
Your first line is as ‘true’ a statement as I’ve ever heard. If you as a Leader do not inspire your people and teams through your daily walk, they’re certainly NOT going to be inspired by your ‘Hypocritical-Talk’.
What (you do) and how (your people) perceive what you do is most often two different things.
In your list of ten, no#1 reminds me of the saying, “If you feel the need to constantly remind folk’s how ‘great you are’, chances are YOUR NOT…
Opp’s, gota go
Cheers Dan
SGT Steve
Thanks SGT. Your second statement kicks it. But, its so hard for us to see it.
Whenever we feel the need to remind people how important we are, we’ve lost importance already.
Your blog corresponds with what Mark Twain once said, “Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great,” Helping to make people believe that they too can become great is cancel out kryptonite.
Thanks JB. The best gift we give others is fuel for their own fire. Or, perhaps I should say, kindling for their own fire, in keeping with “K” day.
It takes personal Kourage (sorry, K word) to balance one’s confidence/pride with one’s humility.
Dan, “Know-how” either you do or you don’t. keeping it simple today.
Dan, as someone who loves clear-speak, I really enjoyed this line: Leaders who spout, “I don’t care what you think,” are asses. They often don’t have the courage or honesty to face hard truths about themselves.
Diana
“K” – KING CLASS!
That’s what I think with all the excellent characteristics of – in the sense of a king is! <3
A King / A Queen – knows his / her value and communicates this clearly and confidently,
seems other people his / her full size, she confronts the truth, directs his / her goals
and can not draw from them, thinks and acts strategically, loves and cares for his / her
visions, concentrates his / her powers, enjoys the competition,
knows and strengthens itself at the source of his / her power, knows the ups and downs,
never complains, does not complain, does not care before,
separates from the superfluous, does not adhere to conventions,
has many opportunities and also looking for it, loves life and life loves him / her,
is generous …
makes decisions – and unpleasant – and stands to familiar and his / her abilities,
takes a "no" personally, do not want to be right, but success,
knows what she / he wants …
Success begins in the mind. Failure too!
Women are different than men – each person has their particular skills,
Women also 🙂
Women should trust more, grow out of their own character and role understanding! But we have the power of female intuition, creativity, and at least the same masculine power potentials. We have only our female and male shares mainly unaware of. This must be recognized and expand.
Regardless, but good leaders are characterized by similar factors, which they have acquired. You should be confident, safe, competent and congruent. Special gifts or talents empower leaders for specific tasks and positions. I also think it's really beautiful and at the same time, if a person have his quirks and a natural and effective radiance (essence) acts out instead to sit up masks. Who is with its strengths – is strong and successful, and the reasons on his own, and especially authetischen way – with style.
But we admire people who are themselves and not act like an actor who plays a roll.
When a person is aware of his, he has no need – I call it living equivalence with the other, encouraging, informative, helpful and welcoming.
Congruent – be a class of its own – are authentic human beings have the power and pass on, and set and promote pulses. You have a natural effect of your work on people.
Serving with Heart …good goal 🙂 Beate
Thanks alot.My K word is keenness. By being keen a leader will always be sensitive to the needs of others and as such see greatness in them
I am a very young school principal. And for my position to have the impact I want to have I have to be tough, kind and a good leader. I think that the best ideas from this post are the ones that require humility. Why? Because as a young leader my biggest asset I thinks is being able to listen to my staff. I’m too young to know everything in the biz and even in 20 years I will have to be humble enough to accept that we can’t know it all.
A great leader has to listen to others and to always be open minded enough to at least listen to others to make them feel counted and empowered. Success is the first obstacle because once you assume it it narrows your vision. Good leaders repeat ideas of success; great leaders improve them with input and feedback from others.
Thnx Dan!