How to Make The Timid Bold
He told me about problems and challenges. I asked him, “What qualities and skills do you currently possess that enable you to face these challenges?”
People lose boldness when they forget who they are.
Inspire people to bring their best by reconnecting them with their best selves.
10 questions that instill boldness:
Talk less about problems and more about people.
- What personal qualities do you possess that equip you to address this issue?
- How do your passions connect to this challenging opportunity?
- What skills have you developed that apply to this challenge?
- Tell me how you dealt with something like this in the past.
- What have you recently learned that gives you strength to deal with this problem?
- How will succeeding with this problem help you become who you want to be?
- What skills do you currently possess that enable you to thrive in this situation?
- How might you bring your best self to this challenge?
- What might you do that will make you proud?
- Who do you aspire to be while solving this problem?
There are two types of questions in the list. Questions that focus on personal qualities and questions that center on skills. Begin with personal qualities. What is there about you that enables you to step up?
After reconnecting with character, move to skills. What skills might you have that enable you to deal with this?
Remind then ask:
Big challenges give strong people amnesia.
The next time someone explains a problem, remind them how they’re suited to solve it. “I think you’re really suited to succeed in this situation because….”
Then ask, “What do you think?”
Have confidence in others if you expect boldness from them.
How do leaders drain boldness from others?
How might leaders instill boldness in others?
Leaders drain boldness when they interrupt and don’t actively listen to their employees. We need to hear and understand what our employees are saying when they come to us. When they perceive that we listen and care about what they bring to us, their confidence will greatly increase.
Thanks George. You nailed a big one. I think the temptation also include trying to improve their ideas too much. Give people space to explore, learn, and improve without meddling.
Thank you for these questions! In addition to asking these questions to colleagues, I plan to use them during personal reflection to ward off the vampires of self-doubt and the occasional flashes of imposter syndrome.
Thanks Scott. Your application is powerful. Self-leadership is the beginning of real leadership.
We can tell others we recognize their potentials, that’s good, but showing them instances in which their behavior demonstrates those potentials, is powerful.. saying “I really believe you DO get this!” …your Ten Questions are a great help in doing this. Thanks for the qualities/skills reminder.
Thanks Ken. You are so right. There’s a place to tell people they’re qualified. But, as you indicate, giving them examples from their own experiences is convincing.
I find people give reasons why they aren’t qualified. They put themselves down. An example from the past is one step toward boldness in the present.
I find today in the era of the ‘helicopter’ parent, we also have ‘helicopter’ managers, Yet as you state Dan as leaders we need to allow people to be themselves, we need to believe in them , support them and then let them ‘do’. I might be their best work if you think it is.
Thanks Kari. I’m going to remember “Helicopter Manager.” It’s easy to impose ourselves on others and in the process, expect them to be like us.
Leaders drain boldness from others by criticising them and by inspiring others they instil boldness. Why do leaders drain boldness from others?
Thanks Lalit. It takes real skill to point out what’s wrong and inspire boldness at the same time. I think it beings with believing in people. Cheers
My organization is going through some big changes right now, and I’m on the front line of the change, which is terrifying. This post is very encouraging in the face of that challenge because this is something I can use for my people, and, to some extent, my leaders have implemented parts of this post in regards to me as well. Thanks for sharing.
That’s so true- we can definitely instill boldness in people by asking the right questions! And you have a great list of questions here, Dan. I think what often stops leaders from taking that coaching approach is that they feel they don’t have enough time to do this. I run a lot of coaching workshops and lack of time is almost always mentioned as the number one obstacle to coaching. But effective and powerful coaching can happen in as little as 2 or 3 minutes! A good question can really help a person get unstuck and…feel bolder!