4 Ways to Recapure the Lost Art of Making People Feel They Matter
Ego’s cry is, “What about me?”
Who will listen to you, if you become a leader who makes others feel they matter?
Ego
Leaders with big egos overestimate their abilities. Big egos often embolden big action. The downside of a big ego is you might suck where you believe you excel.
Rank:
On a scale of 1-10, how do you rank yourself on making others feel they matter? ‘10’ means people always feel they matter – heard and understood – when you listen to them, ‘1’ means almost never.
This isn’t about your intention to make people feel they matter. It’s about actual behaviors.
Lower your ranking. If you gave yourself a ‘5’, be generous and give yourself a ‘3’.
Feelings:
Listening is about how you make people feel, not simply strategies, methods, and techniques. The lost art of leadership isn’t listening skills. It’s making people feel they matter.
Listen to understand, if you want people to feel they matter.
Spend more time focused on listening than you spend on being a great communicator.
4 ways to make people feel they matter:
Energy, commitment, and engagement go up when people feel they matter.
- Be interested. Listening skills are an offense apart from genuine interest in people. Be more interested in people than in what they can do for you. Get out of leadership if you don’t care about people.
- Make it safe.
- Express esteem. Let people know you respect them.
- Honor vulnerability. Whenever a person speaks their real truth, pause and say thank you.
- Remove barriers and distractions. Turn off notifications. Turn away from computer screens.
- Engage with ideas.
- Ask questions.
- Say it back. Use their words.
- Say, ‘This makes me think…’
- Explore assumptions.
- What made you think of this?
- Where does this come from?
- What’s important to you about this?
What makes you feel you matter?
How might leaders make others feel they matter?
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A useful technique to make others feel they matter is to thank them and show them that you care… in a clearly sincere way. It’s easy and somewhat common to say thank you or write a thank you email.
One method I have found useful is to hand write notes on a card with our logo on the front to a few employees every week. As I walk around the organization, I often see these notes posted in individual’s offices or cubicles.
A second method is to call individuals for various reasons. If someone has a serious illness/injury, call to check on them. If they made a decision that didn’t go as expected but you want to encourage continued creativity, call to say that you know things didn’t go as expected but you appreciate the initiative. Make the call yourself, without relying on an administrative assistant.
Both of these method require some personal effort that is not ordinary anymore.
Thanks R.A. Powerful and practical. You’re note writing strategy reminds me of Doug Conant, former CEO of Campbell’s. He wrote 30,000 thank you notes in 10 years.
Two weeks ago a lady in church was recounting a very difficult time in her life not a moment an extended period), she spoke of a person who had a big impact by saying this “she kept coming back into my life and demonstrating how much she cared.” I think caring -making others feel they matter, not just for their piece of the puzzle but as a person – is easily back-burnered for business goals. Thanks for enlarging my thoughts on this..
Thanks Ken. Make people feel they matter as people, not as tools that deliver results. Who has had the biggest impact on our lives. Typically, the first thing we say about them is that they cared for us. Cheers