5 Neglected Strategies to Connect with Others and Lead into the Future
Four years ago, I asked Henry Mintzberg for the word of advice he most frequently shares. His response is a guiding light.
He said one word, “Connect.”
Leadership in its fundamental form is about connecting with others.
5 neglected strategies to connect with others:
#1. Seek to advantage others.
Self-seeking leaders employ deception and manipulation to achieve self-serving ends.
Trust is the conviction that you have another’s advantage in mind. You’ll do no harm. If necessary, disadvantage yourself for the advantage of others.
Ask:
- Who might I know who can help?
- What resources can I provide?
- What are your goals? How might I pull with you?
Evaluate yourself by asking, ‘How am I seeking to advantage others?”
Frustration decreases and fulfillment increases when others believe you always seek to advantage others.
#2. Be curious about others.
Everything doesn’t have to be about you.
- Let go of quick judgement.
- Ask second questions.
- Reject inclinations to out-do.
#3. Give second chances.
Come alongside after responsible failure. Explore learning. Reestablish forward direction.
Draw a line in the sand and let go of offenses. Don’t expect a pat on the back.
Generosity doesn’t demand reciprocity.
#4. Adapt to others.
The more authority you have, the more important it is to adapt to others. Reject the idea that followers adapt to leaders.
If you’re more talented, intelligent, or powerful, meet people where they are, not where you wish they were.
Adjust your pace to others. Walk alongside.
#5. Release the need be right.
Relationships are more valuable than being right.
Proving you’re right means others end up being wrong.
How might leaders establish and strengthen connections?
Your posts are very helpful Dan, thank you for your great insight
Thanks Brad. Much appreciated. Have a great week.
Nice. Well framed.
Thanks Dr. Scott. Have a great week.
Very insightful post – thanks.
I especially liked #4. I’ve yet to achieve it, but I think I need to work on it if I’m to grow.
Thanks Khadijah. I feel that adapting to others is so unexpected. We expect them to adapt to us. But, if we seek stronger connections, it seems necessary.
I’m with you, this is a real challenge. It feels like choosing to be less than we are.
Hi Dan, this is great thank you! All very relevant, but the bit that really resonates with me at the moment is #2 Be Curious – Ask second questions. So much of what we do is helping people/clients improve their questioning & conversation skills. All too often people habitually just ask one question, or too many ‘head’ questions and no ‘heart’ questions; either because they would rather talk about themselves, they assume and move on (albeit with best intentions) or they just simply miss the hooks that are the key to achieving genuine engagement.
Ask the second questions – Brilliant
Tim
Thanks Tim. Love ‘head questions vs. heart questions’. It feels easy to ask about performance, progress, next steps, etc. But, asking about people is important to establish and strengthen connection. What’s important to you right now? What’s giving you energy? Why does this matter to you? 🙂
Hi Dan – once again, a great post. I agree with Tim that curiosity is so important and asking a 2nd or even a 3rd open question can really help to deepen understanding, hence the connection. I would add being present to your great list. I consider this to be part of curiosity and listening – if we are not present in the moment, focused on the person we are in conversation with, we are not fully connecting with them. As a leader, we can stop multitasking, even thinking about what we need to do next and be fully present in a conversation.
Thanks Kathy. Great add! It doesn’t do much good to ask questions if we aren’t going to be present with people.
I think people can tell when something is distracting us. It makes them feel devalued. It’s pretty hard to connect with someone who feels devalued by us.
Hello Dan,
I must be one of the more flawed people walking amongst the free. Virtually every day I learn something as a subscriber and they all seem so timely. I am very thankful I found your website.
Thanks Tom. We’re in the same boat. Every day I learn from writing this blog and reading people’s comments.
Truly when someone doesn’t know afterward its up to other users that they will help, so here it occurs.