The 4 Unbreakable Rules of Giving Advice that People Actually Respect

Most advice-givers should be avoided.

You’re good at telling people what you think. But you’re confused if you think giving advice is the same as telling people what you think.

Skillful advice-givers accelerate the trajectory of individuals and teams.

Rooster

Be a fox, not a rooster, when it comes to giving advice.

The 4 unbreakable rules of giving advice people respect:

#1. Never rush to give advice.

I recently forgot the most important rule of advice-giving. Someone asked for advice and I gave it.

I’m always learning what I forgot I knew.

We’re so excited that someone cares about what we think that we start strutting and crowing like roosters when someone asks for our advice.

Be a fox, not a rooster, when it comes to giving advice.

The first rule of advice-giving is don’t rush to give advice.

A little humility goes a long way when it comes to advice-giving.

#2. Define the opportunity.

You’re not ready to offer advice until you shift from problem to opportunity.

You might say, “Here’s what I hear you saying. Do you think I understand the problem?”

What’s the opportunity?

#3. Redefine the challenge.

People often seek advice about changing others. The challenge is changing yourself.

Giving advice about how to change others is ridiculous.

Work with the person you’re talking with, not the person you’re talking about.

Lazy cat.

Anyone who hasn't already tried to solve their problem is either wise, lazy, or afraid.

#4. Answer questions with questions.

5 questions to ask before giving advice to anyone:

  1. What do you want for yourself?
  2. What do you want for others?
  3. What do you want for relationships?
  4. What have you tried?
  5. How did it work?

When advice-seekers are weary of your queries, they aren’t ready for advice. Just ask them what they think they should do and advise them to go do that.

“Just tell me what you think,” is a warning. People who seek quick answers quickly judge your advice.

Anyone who hasn’t already tried to solve their problem is either wise, lazy, or afraid.  

What frustrates you about advice-givers?

What rules for successful advice-giving might you add?

After material:

What I Learned from a Week of Advice-Seeking | Leadership Freak

Exposing god-like Advisers | Leadership Freak

Why People May Not Want Your Advice | Psychology Today