How to Live Your Purpose in Three Steps
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We love to talk about purpose. We buy books about it. We listen to others talk about it.
The problem is: We don’t believe it’s possible.
Oh, there are a rare few who seem to soar into the purpose stratosphere where the view is breathtaking and the returns rewarding. But that’s them, and this is me.
Where is me? Me is in the reality that there are bills to pay, kids to raise, corporate ladders to climb, and dirty jobs to do (right, Mike Rowe?).
Attainable or fairytale:
Our parents told us, “Adults all have to do things they don’t like. Grow up! It’s part of coming of age.” I had a man call me for coaching once who loved acting and hated accounting, which he was doing at the time. He had made a life decision and wanted to run it by me for my feedback. His decision: He was going back to school to get a master’s in accounting! He believed purpose was a fairytale.
Purpose is real and achievable for everyone.
How to live your purpose in three steps:
- Know your purpose. Please, no flowery, “I exist to care for the planet and help people.” That’s not a purpose; that’s a fairy tale.
- Do things that connect to your purpose every day. Do that for enough days and the way to purposeful living will “magically” emerge. The path emerges as you move forward.
- Stop talking yourself into “responsible living” and start talking yourself into meaningful work that gives you a chance to do what you love as often as possible.
Purpose is a fantasy only for those who think it is.
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” John A Shedd
What prevents people from living their purpose?
What suggestions might you add for living your purpose?
John W. Stanko is the founder of Urban Press, a publishing service designed to tell stories of the city, from the city and to the city. John is the author of 50 books, including The LEADERS Model: Essential Practices for Today’s Leaders, which he co-authored with Jim Dittmar, the founder, president, and CEO of 3Rivers Leadership Institute.
Thank you. The ship analogy will is powerful.
This aligns well with what my dad said throughout my high school years: find your bliss and the money will follow. Thanks for bringing that back to the surface for me!
Great read and tips shared about living your purpose! Every new day that God wakes us up we have the opportunity to live in purpose!
My thoughts: the biggest barriers are likely scared of the unknown or potential instability from a career standpoint because following your purpose vs following what you are safe or comfortable with can be two different paths.
We should ALL pay more attention to our purpose! We are not robots (I hope!)
Love the ship analogy! A real keeper.
The very fear that prevents us from leaving that safe harbour is the same fear that will sink our ship
I have loved the ship quote for a long time and believe it also requires courage to make the move to embrace your purpose. My purpose is to make a difference in the lives of the people who walk into my library. Whether it is computer access, the right book, a place to sit or a listening ear.
TY for succinctly nailing it!! Great post!!
My purpose is expressed in all areas of my life, not just my “work.” It has helped me to be clear about the ways I live my purpose through a few key roles at work as well as in my family and our community. Same purpose, lived out through various roles which I like to think of as the “assignments” through which my purpose is expressed.
I love the point that if you do something associated with your purpose every day, the path to purposeful living will emerge. It goes right along with Denzel Washington’s encouragement to set a goal for yourself every single day, even if that goal is simply to not lose your temper with a difficult person. Goals without action are just dreams–but acting on those daily goals, no matter how small, will lead to reaching one’s true purpose as you take small purposeful steps daily.
I have a really important purpose to participate in the orientation of new employees. Since I have been with the organization over 40 years, one of the first things I want them to know is that they will not find purpose in their work here, anymore than they will find joy. I tell them they must bring the purpose with them. And the joy too. I can only share with them what I have learned, and that is the more I can be purposeful, the more joy I experience. I love the idea of “living your purpose.” It may be the first step in truly being joyful at work.
Purpose is the most powerful motivator, but discovering it can be difficult.
I am in the middle of talking myself through this very struggle. I can feel myself getting to the end of this struggle. Now I have to give myself permission to steer the ship out of the harbor!
The ship in harbor analogy is perfect. Now to set sail for beyond it’s safety.
I enjoyed the idea of meaning to develop purpose is really important. It really gets to the heart of why we want to do something. When we love what we do it really feels like we have purpose. Sounds like a great book!
Well said, its easy to stay in a safe environment. You cant catch a good tailwind if you stay in harbor. Tailwinds lead to momentum, momentum leads to success!
Love the ship quote. Really makes me think about the limits we place upon ourselves that decrease our potential
Love the ship analogy.. .Thanks
You had me right at the beginning with the ship analogy! I see several others beat me to the punch in agreeing.
I believe that we are our own worst enemies when it comes to preventing ourselves from living with purpose. We get too caught up in what the world and others expect of us and sacrifice our own happiness. Meaningful work is so much more rewarding than the fleeting temporary satisfaction we may get by pursuing what others define is valuable.
Give yourself a break and dig deep inward when asking yourself, “what’s meaningful to me?” We are what we focus our time and resources toward. If you’re going to focus on running the rat race, you’re going to sacrifice the happiness that might be found by pursuing what your heart is leading to. As the quote hints at, don’t let fear – failure, acceptance, judgement, etc. – get in the way of pursuing the greatness you have inside. When your heart is invested you’ll be amazed at how much you can overcome. Letting the heart lead may create panic in our brains, but relax and let the process take time to work out.
Personal example: For years I worked countless hours and sacrificed so much pursuing the next rung on the corporate ladder. The catch was every time I made it to that next rung, there was another one to climb toward – the joy was temporary. However, when my daughter was born I really took a deep dive into my heart to see if how I lived aligned with my mission and goals in life. I was saying I was a family first person but then sacrificed time with the family for work. I adjusted how I approached work and haven’t looked back. I’m happier now and amazingly focusing more on the quality of my work while working rather than the “always on” mentality has resulted in an easier path on the professional growth ladder than I thought was possible.
What I need to remember is that, yes, sometimes living my purpose will result in a course correction and moving in a slightly or completely new direction. Perhaps, more often, it will serve to serve as the fuel and oil that keep the ships engine running powerfully and smoothly which can make a huge difference in both the seemingly meaningful/productive things I do each day and the often seemingly meaningless things I do out of responsibility.
Great advice. Reminds me of one of Steve Jobs quotes “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
While I agree with the post. I find living this difficult when you are looking for your purpose. I love the idea that you need to find meaningful work. Totally agree. However, recently the I feel as lost as the meaningful work does not feel connected to a larger vision for myself.
Thank you! This just might be the motivation I need…..although reality is a powerful persuader
I’ve learned a few things along the way to purpose through research, mastering my fears and stepping out on faith. I think most people are aware of their purpose but find it difficult to fulfill that purpose. There may be consequences to changing your direction and path. Sacrifices that may not have been thought of, the question “am I doing the right thing” or “am I willing to have some risk?” But finding your purpose pulls at you, it’s relentless, it can be uneasy and a little scary opening the door to purpose and destiny. Sometimes easy to see, most times difficult because we don’t allow ourselves to see it. But in the end it’s worth it if we just take the necessary steps.
It goes along with do what makes you happy as I feel that a purpose tends to make you happy. Thank you for sharing and I will share with my executive team and staff
Thank you for breaking it down into 3 steps and adding a great quote! Great read!
I think there is more to this than just those 3 suggestions.
I agree with them as a base.
however, risking being a dream crusher, there isn’t enough spots for everyone to be the actor, musician, pro-sports player, etc. that they want to be.
If you want to make it big, you have to do more than your competition.
If you are happy just doing something related to what you feel your purpose is, then you probably don’t have to practice before the scheduled practice like Kobe.
I think there could be some exploring around why many people’s purpose is based around a task or activity they enjoy.
Like on any of the (your country) has Talent shows. No one is displaying their talents of patience, gratitude, respect, or even enjoying the simple things in life. They all have their version of a “I was put here to do this activity, it is my purpose” story.
Watch me walk in a forest, sipping a coffee, through the morning mist and sun’s rays, really enjoying what life can offer.
It doesn’t pay any bills, but it makes whatever I do worth doing.
Put that in a talent show!
It’s so important to take the time to feel out and identify your purpose. Once you do, you can amplify it by focus your actions on it.
This right here is what I am in the process of. I spent 21 years in a career that I found wasn’t what I wanted or fit my purpose. So, I gained a plan. And I left. I took the first step to serving my purpose. It’s been a process that I continue to execute every day. I am mindful of what I want for the first time in a very long time.
great point, thanks
This is really great. It’s so easy to get caught up in the fairytale that will never happen and it can be hard to separate the fairytale from our purpose because we often feel they are the same, thus making the purpose unattainable. This is a really thoughtful piece.
There Is No Greater Joy in life than getting up to do what you love.
Find your purpose!
For years I’ve felt like I knew my purpose, but for some reason (who knows why) I didn’t practice the second point… Do things that connect to your purpose every day. Do that for enough days and the way to purposeful living will “magically” emerge. The path emerges as you move forward. Hit me like a brick. So I did something today to connect me to that purpose and I’ll continue to make that a priority every day! Thank you.
I have always been told to “Work to live – don’t live to work.” It’s same concept as “do what you love and the money will follow.” I changed career paths almost 20 years ago and haven’t looked back. I finished my college education and got a couple of project management certifications and I feel like I am where I’m supposed to be – finally.
This is truly what I hope my children learn from what I share. It’s so important to love what you do everyday. If you live your life with purpose then you will truly find joy. Thank you for the reminder!
I love the ship analogy. We need to leave the safety of the harbor to find our purpose. I believe my purpose is far greater than just getting up and going to work every day. My purpose is more than my job, my purpose is those people in my family, my friends, those at my job and those I come in contact with everyday. Investing in people can certainly be challenging but oh so rewarding. If I am just sitting in the harbor in my ship, I am missing the beauty of the high seas.
I loved the ship analogy but I also believe that following your purpose do not always is a risky or unsafe thing to do?
Our identities are all too often intertwined with our employment roles. When we fail to recognize our true identify, we’ll almost surely be blinded to our true purpose in life. A leader’s purpose must transcend his or her transitory role.
It seems to me that purpose changes as we change/grow. A big challenge is what to do when you hit a fork in the road of purpose. Do you “carry on” the path you had imagined before or divert to a new path since life has changed for you? Kids, spouses, health and many other factors play a key role in your “purpose” and how it evolves.
The key here must be to allow things that pull at your heart do so. It is OK to respond to that pull and follow it. I recently read in a book that you should pursue things that you envy. There is something inside of you telling you to envy things that other people do and experience. So instead of sulking in the envy, use that as fuel to find the why/how to get to that thing. There is a reason you want it.
And yet many (myself included) continue to stay parked in the safe harbor instead of taking risks and pursuing purpose. Insightful.
The prime thing which stops us living the purpose is our confused mind and variety of tasks that we handle in a day. We consider our duties towards the family, the boss and the society as our purposes and these are changing with the times.
We need to do self-introspection to find out the real purpose of our life. It could be to remain kind and helpful to others; be it in the family, office or society. We should be truthful and committed to ourselves while working on such purpose. It’s a matter of determined mind and self-commitment. A conscious mind helps in developing right skills to perform better and take the like-minded people together to do full justice to our set purpose.
In keeping with the boat theme, listen to the song “Once a Boat Has Broken from the Shore” by Lorre Wyatt.
Do things that connect to your purpose everyday… So simple and yet so easy to let the stuff of life keep one from the purpose that fuels and replenishes them.
Once you have worked 20 years you realize how little free time you have to pursue your passion or purpose. Those of us who are lucky enough to have the option to choose, have the responsibility to explore this for ourselves and our families.
Thank you for this post. It has always been my goal to live my purpose. As I mature, it seems my purpose shifts and sometimes it feels selfish to put yourself and your dreams ahead of taking care of others.
Linley, can you say more about your evolving purpose? Is there a theme to the evolution or a change in the expression of your purpose? I’d love to know more – this sounds like an adaptive way to look at purpose and that might be a good key to those of us still trying to understand purpose more deeply. Thanks for your consideration!
My purpose continues to evolve, almost weekly. And I’ve been doing this work a LONG time. My clients seem to find this true for them.
I have found that “purpose” can be an elusive thing and is open to circumstance and suggestion. I choose to believe that the closer we get to it the more fulfilled and happy we are. In the end, when we do things ON purpose based upon what we feel is important and meaningful we are usually living WITH a purpose. (feeling rather philosophical today)
Living one’s purpose takes courage. First, it takes courage to recognize what one’s purpose is, without being unrealistic or disingenuous with themselves and others. Then, once a true purpose is found, now comes the real challenge of taking that first step to engage the pathway to fulfill it. Along the journey, one may need to become comfortable being uncomfortable, because nothing worth accomplishing isn’t without effort, pain, difficulty, and discomfort. Some take much of their lifetime identifying their true purpose, after going through life event after life event thinking that they’ve already fulfilled their true purpose, but instead realizing that these events were merely the stepping stones to what would become their ultimate life pursuit .. and purpose. In the meantime, we have a purpose every day, each day perhaps different than the last. But, one day, someday in the future, we find what really matters .. what is really important .. what truly brings value to our lives, and perhaps to other’s lives .. our true purpose.
Interesting, that’s all!
I have always held to the mindset that if you are unhappy in your work, move on. I was able to balance my purpose along with my fairy tale.
Great post. It takes a great deal of reflection to come to realize how one can find purpose in any adventure or workplace that they put their mind to. I have doubts that purpose must be linked with passion or interests like your example of the accountant loving acting yet continues their journey in higher education. I fully agree that having developed a purpose will certainly keep the focus on the task and produce the best performance one could. However, this driving force doesn’t necessarily need to be seen as a question to seek another career to align with the passion. Don’t get me wrong, it would be great to see someone who is absolutely consumed in their work that they eat, sleep and breath that purpose because they see meaning in it. Realistically, people are much more dynamic than that and would probably have various interests and passions in life aside from their work selves. Therefore, what I am suggesting is that purpose can be developed when one sees themselves as a valuable member of their organization and can make a consistent contribution, however big or small it may be. Having purpose is most certainly a driving force for a person or leader to give all they have and can to their vision yet purpose doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be passionate or have an intuitive affinity to your work. There is nothing stopping us from having multiple purposes in life, be it work or personal, ideally in both.
Interesting how the words ‘meaningful’ or ‘your why’ are words that I can connect with more easily than purpose (Maybe Steve Martin in the Jerk ruined the word for me???)
Ultimately, as someone who struggles with work/home balance I feel that my work has to be fulfilling or else my health will suffer. I LOVE the ship analogy and I feel like we can apply it to any industry. living my purpose is living with integrity and I feel it in my gut when I stray the course.
Ha. Nevermind, found the title! 🤪
The 3 steps seem so easy, but I know there is so much more. Would love to get my hands on this book to dive deeper. My Leadership journey is an ongoing work in progress and any knowledge I can consume can only help move me forward! Thanks for highlighting this book and author, Dan!
The LEADERS Model: Essential Practices for Today’s Leaders
What is the title of the new book–did I miss it? I would like to purchase it (if I don’t “win” a free copy).
In my current role, we work hard at getting others to find their purpose. I feel this book would give me great insight on how to approach it with our leadership.
SOUNDS SO GOOD!!!!
The LEADERS Model: Essential Practices for Today’s Leaders
Two things:
First, ships in harbours are very seldom sunk without trace with significant loss of life;
Second, the reason people don’t want to live their purpose is finding out how utterly banal that purpose is. You’re not intended to soar to the heights, you’re intended to do the scut work, down in the dirt where the light and glory never go.
sometimes your hobby or volunteer gig is your passion. It may or may not grow to be your full time thing but still is the source of your passion and purpose and gives you contentment.
Sometimes a ship in harbor is not safe…think of Pearl Harbor and the ships lined up to “prevent” sabotage. Being moored in the harbor is easy.
I love this – so true. I love the man in the glass poem that also speaks to this same idea:
“You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.”
I have found the key indicator in purpose is to recognize your joy when you are doing something. then do that as often as possible. don’t try to monetize it or figure it out, just go with it and get used to doing it. the rest tends to work itself out in time. If you love to play the piano, then play! then the idea to give lessons or write music or do a one person show with you playing or singing will emerge. but it all starts and continues on with JOY.
I have found the key indicator in purpose is to recognize your joy when you are doing something. then do that as often as possible. don’t try to monetize it or figure it out, just go with it and get used to doing it. the rest tends to work itself out in time. If you love to play the piano, then play! then the idea to give lessons or write music or do a one person show with you playing or singing will emerge. but it all starts and continues on with JOY.
I love all of this, but what about those who haven’t found their purpose yet? I still struggle with this from time to time. I love the steps lined out above for when people have found it, but how do you find your purpose?
I think sometimes people confuse finding your purpose with the fairy tale version. How would you suggest people find their own purpose without confusing it with the fairy taile?
Even though it is seen as mere fakery, “Fake it until you make it” is the only way any of us become authentic.
Great stuff! I loved the imagery of the path emerging (out of the mist of the unknown) as I move forward. This is a great challenge to move forward in faith and confidence instead of fear.
Great content! The ship analogy is great! Thank you for acknowledging the “fairytale” side of purpose.
This was fantastic and a great reminder. Life is too short to not be living our purpose!
“A ship in harbor is safe…” is one of the all-time classic quotes. Thanks for sharing.
This great! “A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” so true!
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” This is so true. So many of us think responsibility, and some still don’t know where their purpose lies…
Thank you for this thought. I have been reviewing what is purpose. this is some for me to assist in my defining my purpose.
I felt this need to develop a single, clear purpose statement for a long time and struggled with it. I was able to let go of that by understanding that I pursue different things for different domains of my life. Those things give me satisfaction and a sense of gratitude. Don’t limit yourself when thinking about how to incorporate this in your life.
Really powerful post! I feel like I could hear the brakes in my mind screeching to a halt. Calling for me to stop putting all of my energy into gaining ground in an area that I’m not even suppose to be in. Thank you!
And think of the greater impact we can have when we act on our purpose. We can do so much more and make such a larger impact then just going living responsibly.
Thank you! I needed to read that today!
This is such a great topic. This is something I struggle with regularly. It is funny that the example you used was a man who worked in Accounting. I am an Accounting Supervisor. I do not like it. I am good with numbers and have always been. That being said, I am 58, single and want to move into my purpose. I believe my purpose is to be a life mentor. I fight with: I am too old to start in a new stream, how will I get my bills paid, how will I replace healthcare coverage I currently have through my employer and more.
Mary, maybe you could start as a side job and grow it to the point it takes over. Check out Josh Coates on his life coach certification.
I would just add you have to be intentional about discovering and living out your purpose.
Love the ship analogy!
Purpose is key and finding it is not always easy!
Thank you for confirming an organisatiuons Purpose must be front an centre
I like the ship quote. Mission/purpose is something with which my son struggles. I’ll forward this post to him.
Very useful post, I look forward to reading more in the book!
I can relate to so much of this as I recently made a career change, but am often fearful of truly stepping into this new role with confidence. I want to cling to my old identity. I think fear of judgment from others is really what holds a lot of people back from truly speaking about and stepping into their purpose.
Thank you for this insightful post about purpose and setting meaningful steps to achieve it. In my workplace (nontraditional for women), I often find myself thinking about my place and purpose. I remind myself that I have the education, experience, and confidence and that I have to demonstrate it everyday. I really liked the analogy about the ship….. I’ll use and share that with my team so they will know that it’s ok to “step into their purpose” and to not hold back in their strengths.
Thought provoking read. While one’s purpose should have an element of pragmatism to it, for me, I also believe it should be aspirational as well. As with most good things in life – balance is important. A number of comments above speak to finding one purpose and/or the difficulty in that journey. For me, it’s starts with looking inward at my values and moral compass. Thanks for the share!
I am teaching a high school class called CAPS (Center for Advanced Professional Studies) and we just had a conversation about Ikigai. It was powerful for my students who said it made concrete the intangible goals of searching for a career (purpose). It was interesting because I had two students who were very much inline with the thinking that their purpose was to provide for their families and a job is just a piece of that. I found that viewpoint intriguing since they were both only18 years old. I plan on sharing this with my students. I think the ship analogy will resonate with my students as well. Thank you!
Self- actualization…
Three good points and I like the ship analogy. Reminds me of the quote, “You cannot steal second base with your foot on first.” John Maxwell
Thank you
Love the ship quote. I work in Special Education. We had an amazing teacher retire one year and we asked her to help us find someone just as amazing to replace her. She said you only have to ask one question- What do you perceive as your job description? She said there is only one right answer- Whatever the student needs, that is your job description. It resonated so deeply with me and the folks I work with that it became our motto. When I have tough decisions to make, I think about that and use that to guide me. As I have guided interns this year, I try to make sure I share this with them when we are am making hard decisions- in special education, we have to be here for the kids and their families. I am still working on my purpose, but finding something that brings me closer to living my purpose daily has been amazing. Definitely looking forward to reading this book!! Thank you for sharing
Fear of success!
No can know true success , without discovering and pursuing purpose
sometimes people find all their purpose in their hobby or side gig. Like acting. I dabbled in theatre and once when I was dealing with a challenging situation and telling my boss that it was a tough thing to address, he suggested that I treat it as an acting assignment. Bingo. I prepped like I was getting ready for a play. I rehearsed my lines – all the variations I thought possible and it made it a breeze.