4 Secrets of Trust Building
Distrust interprets action as manipulation. When people don’t trust you, the things you do for them feel insincere. Skeptics believe compliments obscure self-serving ends and gifts mask selfish motives.
Trust reflects how others feel about your intentions.
Nothing you do to strengthen relationships matters until people believe you care.
4 Secrets of trust building
#1. Show care.
Trustworthy leaders commit to serve the best interest of others. Trust reflects how people feel about your intentions.
The questions are, “What motivates you?” Or “How are you at cheering when others make progress?”
Tip: Express your intentions with words. Never assume they are obvious.
#2. Demonstrate competence.
I don’t trust my dentist to fix my car. He’s a great guy and a wonderful dentist, but he’s unqualified to repair my broken muffler.
The question is, “Can you deliver results reliably?”
Tip: Deliver on your promises.
#3. Practice humility.
Humility expresses willingness to learn and grow.
Defensive people inspire apprehension and anxiety. Humble leaders admit they are wrong and commit to improve.
The question is, “How are your listening skills?”
Tip: Let people know what you are learning.
#4. Exemplify transparency and vulnerability.
You give permission for people to be themselves when you exhibit frailty (along with improvement). Inauthentic leaders are surrounded by posers. People don’t speak the truth until they see your protective barriers go down.
The question is, “How are you at receiving help?”
Tip: Speak openly about challenges.
A note on receiving help: When competent reliable people offer to take on new responsibilities, don’t simply let them, encourage them (especially when it takes something off your plate). But don’t delegate the core responsibilities of your job.
Which of these ideas seems most challenging for leaders?
There’s more to this than the above four items. What would you add to the list?
Still curious:
The Top 5 Tips for Building Trust and Multiplying Impact
Everything Starts Here (hbr.org)
Humility. Humility opens the door to admitting I might be wrong. Pride defends, humility learns. Humility puts others first. Those on the team must know and truly believe you’re on their side. Humility also opens the door to vulnerability for it shows I don’t have it all put together. I myself am a work in progress. Trust means giving space for others to explore at their own pace without judgment.
Thanks, Peter. Humility is my favorite topic that I know little about.
I’ll add, “at their own pace” has limits when you’re part of an organization. Is the pace of your development fast enough to meet job requirements in a timely manner.
Cheers
I think you build trust by:
1. Saying what you are thinking. No spin. When you are transparent, you are honest and straightforward.
2. Doing what you committed to do. No excuses. When you demonstrate competence, people trust your abilities and judgement.
I think showing care and humility relate more to building positive relationships.
Thanks, Paul. Interesting distinction between care/humility and honesty/competence. Positive relationships require trust. I appreciate how you view this.
“Which of these ideas seems most challenging for leaders?”
Just speaking for me personally, in isolation, none is hard. But I find the challenge to be the intersection of #2 with #3/4, especially when you are relatively new. I sometimes struggle where being vulnerable/humble can cause others to see you as less competent.
Great point, Fraser. When you are new or early in your career you are building a reputation. You’re building a track record that demonstrates your ability to deliver results. People ask are you reliable? Are you competent? Can you do the job? Are you in it for yourself?
Practicing humility in those situations might look different than it looks when you’ve been around awhile.
I wonder if vulnerability/humility might take the form of learning from people with experience (without losing yourself). Talking openly about things you are learning about the team/organization and leadership.
It might sound like acknowledging feelings. A person could say, “It’s always stressful adding new people to the team. We are trying to figure each other out. If I can make the process easier, please let me know.” That kind of statement is humble, vulnerable, caring, and forward-looking.
In all situations it’s important to avoid the negative stereotypes of humility. I’m weak. I’m needy.
Just some thoughts. As you can see, your comment got me thinking. Thanks again.
Thanks so much for this Dan!
My pleasure.
reminds me of a trustworthiness equation I had been introduced to – The equation is: T = (C + R + I) / S. Where C= Credibility (competence); R = Reliability (competence); I = Intimacy (vulnerability) and S = Self-orientiation (humility). Thanks for reminder!!!
The formula illustrates important relationship between concepts. Thanks for adding your insight. It’s useful.
I absolutely love this article – it can be applied both at work and in personal life! Thank you!
Thanks, Laura. So often leadership principles apply to real life. 🙂 Why not?
Roger Price describes trust with the five finger model… character (the middle finger), commitment (the ring finger), competence (the pinky finger), communication (the thumb), and alignment (the index finger). Using this model has helped me to identify what I don’t trust in others, as well as which areas of trust I need to demonstrate more.
Trust, Competence and Humility are so important when working with a diverse team that has different responsibilities and goals, such as a construction project. Through doing what’s best for the project, the entire team can be aligned and work through issues as they arise. A successful project guarantees the success of all the project team members.