Jerry West is dead. The National Basketball League (NBA) logo is based on him. His daddy was a coal miner from West Virginia. He played in the NBA 14 years and was named an MVP 14 years. “West battled inner demons to the point of suicide…” Washington Post
Sadness is a beginning, not an end.
Sadness is leadership’s dark secret. Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill experienced bouts of darkness. It wouldn’t surprise me if you felt it. I’m not talking about depression. I’m talking about the weight of caring more than others.
10 ways to get a grip on sadness:
Unhappiness precedes transformation, but not for everyone. When you’re sad…
Limit your exposure to blood sucking vampires. Proximity matters. Lunch with an optimist.
Focus on things within your control. Calm is closer when you stop trying to control things you can’t control. You aren’t God. Reject defeat and try on humility.
Choose an outward facing purpose. Meaning doesn’t prevent sadness. It sustains us when it comes.
Notice things that are working. You spend too much time thinking about problems. Bad blinds us to good. Everything isn’t bad.
Mention good when you see it. Words are rudders. Life moves in the direction of your words.
Sadness is part of life. Accept it.
Rest. Sometimes, the message of sadness is stop, or at least slow down.
Take walks.
Find a confidant. Look for a coach or mentor.
Don’t write five things you’re grateful for. That’s too many. Write down one.
Danger:
Keep your vision bright even when you feel heavy. Loss of vision, feeling helpless, and anger come during melancholy.
Anger turns to bitterness, the soul’s poison. But the hardest thing to bare is loneliness.
Happiness affirms, unhappiness often opens us to growth.
What helps you when you feel sad?
What suggestions do you have for facing leadership sadness?
Great post. It’s not frustration but sadness that you can’t wrangle what you want to into some kind of submission. I could never put that feeling into words. You just did. Thanks.
Thanks for bringing this forward… often called into the end-of-life kind of circumstances, I can find sadness a significant component in my emotional mix. Your “ways to get a grip” are helpful. I’ve come to see this as an honor- my name has come up when a friend is asked, “Who do I want around in your tough/last days?” I give energy (but never empty optimism) freely, but I also need to be sure I recharge. When I can, I bring a partner. I find it essential to pay close attention to recharging; this is music, scripture, and the counsel of others who have walked these paths. I’m careful not to overspend my energy — not to be selfish, but to realize I can’t complete the journey without adequate fuel.
I’m so grateful for your comment, especially the last sentence. I struggle with feeling selfish when I tend to my energy levels, and hearing other perspectives helps. Thanks!
Thanks, CV. I hadn’t thought of the expression, “creative dissatisfaction.” Well put. I’ve heard of creative dissent. Your expression feels optimistic.
I appreciate you stepping into this space Dan. Leadership certainly can be lonely at times. Intentionally creating community helps me remain outward facing. Leading from isolation tends to draw my focus inward which distorts perspective.
“Sadness is leadership’s dark secret. Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill experienced bouts of darkness. It wouldn’t surprise me if you felt it. I’m not talking about depression. I’m talking about the weight of caring more than others.”
Lordy Dan, you are talking straight to me. The weight of caring is very heavy in leadership. Sometimes is seems no one else cares, but maybe, just maybe, they have found a way to manage their burden better than me – heck who knows maybe people think that of me too (with all my leadership skills at work)! Managing that burden internally is difficult and can feel very lonely as if no one else cares, but is critical in leadership positions and to avoid burnout.
You honor us with your comment, Sandy. If it helps, I talk with lots of leaders and every one of them is grappling concerns, feelings of inadequacy, trying to find answers, and/or the need for a good night’s sleep.
Caring more than others often means you care for the whole organization or team. Others don’t share that broad perspective. They care for their concerns. Not that they are uncaring. They have their own challenges.
Sometimes it helps when we know others have similar feelings. They say misery loves company. 🙂 But human connection is liberating and empowering. Best wishes on the journey.
Hey, so nice to see you today, Bardohn! Thanks for sharing your application. In general, action is helpful when we’re sad. It beats sitting on the couch eating ice cream. 🙂 Cheers
Going back to basic usually helps me. It seems we advance think in the constant, but getting back to basic seems to restore me. All math starts with 1,2,3, all words start with A,B,C.
Thank you for sharing, Brandii. Nothing like over complicating something to make a hard job even harder. Sometimes I ask clients, What’s your highest point of clarity? After they tell me, I could say, go with that. But I usually don’t have to.
I struggle with meditating silently and quietly at home, but that morning walk really allows things to flow. I am finding it critical to my mental health, and like a nut case 🙂 I talk to myself the whole time I’m walking. I process a lot, let the tears flow if they need to, walk faster if angry/frustrated feelings come up and let those flow. This has really helped me, as I lost my husband 3 years ago and was always able to talk things out with him. I realize talking them out with myself can also be very effective. Really appreciate your daily blogs, Dan!
Wow. Your story is so helpful. There’s something useful about physical movement. Combining it with self-talk really amps it up. Sometimes it’s useful to hear your thoughts out loud. Sometimes you realize you’re on track and other times you realize you sound a little crazy. Either way, it’s progress.
My wife and I are best friends. I can’t image how challenging it has been to lose your husband. I wish you well. Thanks again for sharing.
As far as I know Winston Churchill used to suffer bouts of depression and not of sadness. In fact he used to call it My Black Dog.
You’re probably right, Pierre. My illustrations may over illustrate.
Great post. It’s not frustration but sadness that you can’t wrangle what you want to into some kind of submission. I could never put that feeling into words. You just did. Thanks.
Thanks for the feedback, Nancy. Steady on!
Thanks for bringing this forward… often called into the end-of-life kind of circumstances, I can find sadness a significant component in my emotional mix. Your “ways to get a grip” are helpful. I’ve come to see this as an honor- my name has come up when a friend is asked, “Who do I want around in your tough/last days?” I give energy (but never empty optimism) freely, but I also need to be sure I recharge. When I can, I bring a partner. I find it essential to pay close attention to recharging; this is music, scripture, and the counsel of others who have walked these paths. I’m careful not to overspend my energy — not to be selfish, but to realize I can’t complete the journey without adequate fuel.
Thanks, Ken. I’m glad you brought up energy management. Too often it’s neglected. You can’t pour out unless you pour in.
I’m so grateful for your comment, especially the last sentence. I struggle with feeling selfish when I tend to my energy levels, and hearing other perspectives helps. Thanks!
eye Opener for me : Happiness affirms, unhappiness often opens us to growth.
Implies creative disatisfaction…
Thanks Dan.
Thanks, CV. I hadn’t thought of the expression, “creative dissatisfaction.” Well put. I’ve heard of creative dissent. Your expression feels optimistic.
I appreciate you stepping into this space Dan. Leadership certainly can be lonely at times. Intentionally creating community helps me remain outward facing. Leading from isolation tends to draw my focus inward which distorts perspective.
Very useful insight, Brian. Isolation is tempting, but it’s the enemy. It’s an intention that needs our attention. I wish you well.
“Sadness is leadership’s dark secret. Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill experienced bouts of darkness. It wouldn’t surprise me if you felt it. I’m not talking about depression. I’m talking about the weight of caring more than others.”
Lordy Dan, you are talking straight to me. The weight of caring is very heavy in leadership. Sometimes is seems no one else cares, but maybe, just maybe, they have found a way to manage their burden better than me – heck who knows maybe people think that of me too (with all my leadership skills at work)! Managing that burden internally is difficult and can feel very lonely as if no one else cares, but is critical in leadership positions and to avoid burnout.
You honor us with your comment, Sandy. If it helps, I talk with lots of leaders and every one of them is grappling concerns, feelings of inadequacy, trying to find answers, and/or the need for a good night’s sleep.
Caring more than others often means you care for the whole organization or team. Others don’t share that broad perspective. They care for their concerns. Not that they are uncaring. They have their own challenges.
Sometimes it helps when we know others have similar feelings. They say misery loves company. 🙂 But human connection is liberating and empowering. Best wishes on the journey.
“Mention good when you see it. Words are rudders. Life moves in the direction of your words.” Yes! It makes the “fake it till you make it” actionable!
Hey, so nice to see you today, Bardohn! Thanks for sharing your application. In general, action is helpful when we’re sad. It beats sitting on the couch eating ice cream. 🙂 Cheers
Going back to basic usually helps me. It seems we advance think in the constant, but getting back to basic seems to restore me. All math starts with 1,2,3, all words start with A,B,C.
Thank you for sharing, Brandii. Nothing like over complicating something to make a hard job even harder. Sometimes I ask clients, What’s your highest point of clarity? After they tell me, I could say, go with that. But I usually don’t have to.
I struggle with meditating silently and quietly at home, but that morning walk really allows things to flow. I am finding it critical to my mental health, and like a nut case 🙂 I talk to myself the whole time I’m walking. I process a lot, let the tears flow if they need to, walk faster if angry/frustrated feelings come up and let those flow. This has really helped me, as I lost my husband 3 years ago and was always able to talk things out with him. I realize talking them out with myself can also be very effective. Really appreciate your daily blogs, Dan!
Wow. Your story is so helpful. There’s something useful about physical movement. Combining it with self-talk really amps it up. Sometimes it’s useful to hear your thoughts out loud. Sometimes you realize you’re on track and other times you realize you sound a little crazy. Either way, it’s progress.
My wife and I are best friends. I can’t image how challenging it has been to lose your husband. I wish you well. Thanks again for sharing.