Could You Be a Lousy Listener Without Knowing
“When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” Brenda Ueland
You might be a lousy listener if…
#1. Listening feels easy.
You aren’t listening if you don’t feel tired after giving someone your full attention. Perspective taking requires effort. Paying attention demands discipline. Focus is intentional never accidental.
You might be a lousy listener if…
#2. Listening is about technique.
Technique aids listening but listening concerns people. What is more important? Productivity or people? You don’t have to choose. Prioritize people, and productivity goes up.
People comply when you treat them like tools. When you value them, they engage with vitality.
#3. Solutions are top of mind.
Jumping to solutions closes your ears and narrows your mind. Your inner fixer hates listening beyond the moment an answer comes to mind.
No one is energized by being fixed.
You might be a lousy listener if…
#4. Speed is of the essence.
Listening requires patience. Rushing isn’t listening. People feel like an inconvenience when you’re rushing to the next task. Great listeners validate and motivate others.
#5. Conversations are a chore.
You aren’t listening when you can’t wait for someone to stop talking. But what if they don’t stop talking?
Interrupt people who talk on and on. Explain that you can’t follow their thoughts when they say so much. Say…
- You’re saying a lot. I want to listen to understand. Could we take this one topic at a time?
- I hear several things. Which one seems most important right now?
- We only have a few more minutes. What’s the most important thing you want me to understand?
Orient conversations with a power question. “What could happen during our conversation that will make this a great conversation for you?” The direction of conversations often changes but at least you’re going somewhere.
What does it mean to be a great listener?
What are some reasons listening is a good thing?
Dig deeper:
Why The Key to Leadership is Listening—and How to Do It Better
A Good Leader is a Great Listener
We have to acknowledge that we are all busy. Just because someone drops by to talk doesn’t mean you have time right then to listen. Be honest and tell them that. Because if you aren’t ready to listen, then the conversation will go badly.