Managing Irritating People
Irritating people are everywhere because everyone is messy. Some more than others. We want to avoid annoyances. We wish that “pain in the neck” would go away.
Messy people have annoying flaws. What will it take to have a positive attitude about messy people?
A new focus:
The flip side of focusing on your strengths is focusing on THEIR strengths.
“Focus on your strengths” is a cliché. Why are we focusing on other people’s weaknesses?
We hire people for their strengths and evaluate them for their weaknesses.
We spend too much time focusing on our strengths and not enough focusing on theirs.
Humans are messy. Accept it. We dislike people when we magnify their flaws and minimize their strengths.
Pour energy into potential. Support aspirations. Don’t focus on flaws.
Terminate irritating people:
People who can’t meet basic job requirements have the wrong job. Train them. Reassign them. Adjust their job description. Or manage them out.
What if you can’t fire them?
Stop fretting about people you can’t terminate. It’s not your concern. Yes, report issues and encourage growth. But if you can’t fire someone, don’t waste energy wishing you could. Focus on things you control.
Wishing for things you can’t do leads to helplessness. Living in your power makes life better.
3-strengths project:
Record the top three strengths of everyone on your team. Discuss your observations publicly in a team meeting.
“I notice three important strengths in Mary.” Before Mary speaks, ask team members what strengths they notice in her. Check in with Mary. “On a scale of 1:10 how accurate are we?”
Use your strengths list in one on ones. Explore ways to apply each person’s strengths to organizational goals. Ask, “How could you maximize your strengths?”
How might leaders shift from a negative to a positive focus about irritating people?
When is it useful to focus on weaknesses?
Still curious:
A Free 10-Minute Plan to Include Leadership Development in Team Meetings
7 No-Nonsense Questions that Challenge People without Being a Jerk-Hole
How to Manage and Maximize Gifted Jerk-Holes
How to deal with annoying people in 10 ways
You know what’s irritating is people who publicly ask what are my strengths and weakness are! I’m not telling the truth nor expect anyone else too
Thanks for sharing your response, M. Much appreciated.
Thank you for your timing of this subject and post! This weekend (ok, past several weeks, too) I’ve been working to mentally frame myself and questions in preparation for goal-setting with the direct report that most challenges me, and is often irritating. There are strengths, for sure, which can be overshadowed by the irritations. How I show up, ask questions, and focus are pieces I control to help this conversation be valuable for both of us. The reminder link back to the 7 no-nonsense questions to challenge is also very timely, and greatly appreciated. Your ability to read the minds and schedules of your readers to timely write to our needs is astounding, Dan. 😉
Thanks, Heidi. It’s my pleasure to serve. A positive attitude is difficult but still useful when it comes to irritating people. I wish you success.
This is excellent. As a pastor and teacher I have interactions with many irritating people I can’t fire. They come to class, they are part of my church. They can fire me by choosing a different class or church, but I can’t fire them. But I can focus on their strengths and value them as made in the image of God. They have intrinsic value and bring strengths to the table. I may need to work a little harder to uncover those strengths. Thanks, Dan!
Thanks, Pete. I love all the subtleties in, “I may need to work a little harder to uncover those strengths.” Well said.