How to Eliminate Self-Defeating Negativity
Patterns make or break you, not single moments. Success is a series of decisions and behaviors that move you toward desired goals.
Wise habits create the life you want.
Sadness is easy. Happiness is about patterns. You don’t choose self-defeating negativity; apart from intervention it finds you.
Sources of Self-Defeating Negativity:
- Fear of failure.
- Fatigue.
- Chronic stress.
- Negative comparison with others.
- Isolation.
- Uncertainty.
- Helplessness / Lack of control.
- Perfectionism.
- Unmet expectations.
- Negative friends.
Eliminate Self-Defeating Negativity with Future-Building Choices:
The present depends on the future. We think about the future about three times more than the past (Homo Prospectus). Anticipated emotions have greater impact on decisions than current emotions.
When making short-term choices think, “How will I feel at the end of the day if I choose this path?” Ask, “How will I feel a year from now if I choose this path?”
Seek the voice of experience. Ask someone what they did when they faced a decision similar to yours. Ask them how they felt after they made the decision. Follow up with, “How do you feel today?”
When the future seems positive you feel good in the present. When worry consumes you the present defeats you.
Choose what you want. Written goals provide direction.
- How do you want to contribute today? Think like a minion, not a god. The habit of small contributions is superior to waiting for dramatic moments.
- What do you want for yourself? Make progress. Learn something every day. Love people and enjoy simple things.
- How do you want people to feel around you? Think in four dimensions. How would you like people to feel about themselves, their environment, others, and the future?
Schedule actions that create energy-building habits. Stephen Guise suggests doing things “too small to fail,” in his book, Mini Habits.
How does self-defeating negativity seep into your life? What suggestions do you have for defeating it?
Still curious? Read, 5 Questions to Positive Energy.
Reading the list of 10 sources, I wonder about shame as a bi-product of 4, 8, 9, and certainly 10.
As always, I appreciate your curiosity to uncover what-lines-beneath and your stalwart focus on action in gratitude.
Peggy-Lynn
Great question, Peggy-Lynn. Shame is an energy suck. Using shame as a lens on this subject is useful. Your comment brings to mind Brene’ Brown’s work on this topic.
Reading over the list of 10, I also realize I left of procrastination. That one belongs on the list.
Cheers
perfectionism as a source of self defeating negativity… good eye opener. Thank you Dan.
I appreciate that you share your thoughts consistently, CV. For me, perfectionism fuels my inner critic. That negative voice in my head drags me down.
Dan,
I listened to the Mel Robbins podcast she had recently about motivation. And the doctor that she had on was talking about how people need to focus more on actions, rather than outcomes. And how focusing on the outcome is a self-defeating behavior. The only thing we can control is the action we take. One step at a time.
It was a really interesting perspective that I plan on trying to put into action (pun intended) more in my life!
Thanks!
Hey, SB. Love that approach. All true. Life is so much better when we focus on things we control instead of things out of our control. It should be obvious, but somehow, we forget.
I experienced some of this when facing prostate cancer earlier this year. I’m a half-empty glass kind of guy….so I thought the worst for each option. But I needed to make a decision. I looked for the voice of experience. I asked just those questions of other men – what did you choose, why, and how do you feel today?
Grateful that God brought me through. Not an experience I’d wish on any other. But I grew through this trial, as did my wife!
Hey, Pete. Glad it all worked out. I naturally think the worst too. It’s better to acknowledge it and deal with it than to pretend to be an optimist. Nothing like talking to someone who has been there and done that. All the best.
“You don’t choose self-defeating negativity; apart from intervention it finds you.” BAM!