Why Maya Angelou Believed in Anger
“I believe in anger. Anger’s like fire, it can burn out all the dross and leave some positive things.” Maya Angelou
The Danger of Frustration and Anger:
Anger causes you to think poorly of others. People feel threatening. Teams are seen with a negative lens. You can’t build a positive team when you’re persistently angry. Researchers call it “negative interpretation bias.”
Frustration reaches for control. When you believe you can control things, you take unnecessary risks. For example, an angry person tries to control people. (How Anger Impacts Judgement)
Untended frustration oversimplifies. Everything is either/or. You make snap judgements when you’re angry.
Frustration and Anger are Useful When:
I love talking to angry leaders. Sometimes I throw gas on their fire. Conversations shift when I ask, “What do you want to do about that?” They often respond with things they want others to do, or they complain they can’t do anything about it. Feeling helpless increases frustration.
Anger is useful when you reflect on things you care about. It might be the right to be respected. It could be your need to succeed.
Frustration helps when it motivates positive action. Shift from “don’t want” to “do want” and choose actions likely to get you there. Stop trying to control others.
Anger is energy – use it to fuel constructive action, not destructive reactions.
Frustration is a recurring aspect of leadership. Use it to inform, clarify, and motivate positive change. When you’re angry…
- Think about long-term results more than immediate frustrations.
- Talk it over with a trusted friend outside your organization.
- Take a slow walk.
- Ask, “What’s important here?”
- Practice gratitude.
Which suggestion in this post seems most useful to you?
Still curious:
How to Use Anger to Make You a Better Leader
How to Maximize the Value of Anger
![Image source](http://<a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Maya_Angelou_speech_for_Barack_Obama_campaign_2008.jpg">Talbot Troy</a>, <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0">CC BY 2.0</a>, via Wikimedia Commons){kind=link}
Anger leads to tunnel vision.
Use your emotional intelligence to see the bigger picture. Determine why you are angry and what is the best way forward.
To get beyond the anger, you have to forgive the person who hurt you.
Thanks for your insights, Paul. The idea of tunnel vision caused me to think about a dog on a bone. It’s best not to mess with a dog with a bone.
Wow! 2 things… “Determine why you’re angry.” So simple yet so complex. It’s so much easier just to explode. The other is “…forgive the person who hurt you.” It really does release the albatross but again, so simple yet so complex. Thanks for the insight.
So true, Susan. Self-reflection can be challenging when we aren’t angry. Add anger to the mix and it’s like being blindfolded. A dispassionate friend might help – if they can listen without judgement and help turn the lens inward. But it can be perilous.
In my experience, forgiveness is a process, it’s seldom a one-time event. It doesn’t mean we agree or think the other person is right. In the case of anger it releases the subtle desire for revenge.
Thanks for jumping in.
I always go back to Ephesians, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” No matter your faith background, this is solid advice. We should resolve matters that anger us to the best of our ability-especially when it comes to our fellow man.
Great point, Sandman. Anger – used well – motives action. Not reaction, but action to find resolution. I’ll add that giving time for the initial heat to dissipate is important.
I needed to hear both – “Think about long-term results more than immediate frustrations.” and “Talk it over with a trusted friend outside your organization” today.
Thank you, Dan
Hope you are doing well, Joe. It’s a pleasure to offer something useful. I hope you get some snow soon. 🙂
Fundamenatlly this post begins with acknowledging anger has its place when used positively. Too often we teach people to supress anger because its bad to be angry. This is a far more appreciative approach. It restores the balance and allows for growth.
Thanks, Karen. I appreciate your assessment. I’m not always clear where a post is going. Your feedback is helpful.
It’s said that emotions are neither good or bad. The one that troubles me is bitterness. I can see the useful side of anger, when it is used well, but I can’t see any usefulness for bitterness.
Karen – Your summation and take-away resonates with me, especially this week. I’ve been kicking myself for allowing my emotion to creep up in a large meeting, and I turned to the VP and clearly stated, “I am frustrated!”. I’ve not done that ever with this particular VP, and was dismissed, which then shut me down (self preservation mode) to contribute to the rest of the meeting topics. I’m going to reframe my reflection to recognize it’s time more solution-focused emotion and frustration are displayed in order to positively influence what we organizationally need to focus on.