Relationships with Discomforting People
Relationships take you places. Connections fuel the trajectory of your future.
Include discomforting people in your relationship circle. Choose abrasive experts and obsessive geniuses.
Discomforting people:
Find a voice that speaks truth kindly. If you can’t find a kind person, connect with a jerk. Kim Scott says brutal honesty is better than ruinous empathy.
People pleasers:
- Avoid conflict.
- Agree quickly.
- Adapt to please.
- Apologize instead of being authentic.
Connect with someone who doesn’t need you to like them and doesn’t care if you do. People who need to be liked shelter you.
Expand scope:
Diverse relationships reveal hidden barriers to growth.
Have conversations with people who…
- Are successful, but you don’t like.
- Know more than you.
- Think differently from you.
- Have skills you don’t have.
- Work in industries where you don’t work.
Find reasons to listen to someone, rather than reject them.
Kicks or pats:
A kick in the pants often does more good than a pat on the back.
The input you dislike may change you most.
Ignorance finds “good” reason to reject wisdom.
- Yes, she’s a big success, but she walked on people to get there.
- Sure, he seems pretty sharp, but he hasn’t made much money.
- OK, she’s doing well, but she’s weird.
Self-justification limits potential.
5 ways to establish discomforting relationships:
- Ask permission to follow up with someone you met at a conference. “Could I give you a call?”
- Elevate current acquaintances to situation-specific advisors. Where are they exceptional?
- Reach out to competitors.
- Email someone you admire.
- Say, “I wonder what you think about ______ ” to a new acquaintance.
Bonus: Ask a stranger what they are great at. Follow up with, “How did you get great at that?”
How many of your growth moments began with discomforting people?
Very interesting post. I’ve been struggling with the pleaser part for a long time. Breaking the habits is a journey for sure. I’ve taken on a leadership opportunity a couple years ago and one of the intent was to tackle #1 and #3 haed on. It’s been a great (not always easy) journey and learning opportunity. I’ve definitely found better footing facing conflicts but it’s still not something I find easy to navigate all the time. Grateful for the perspective of this post and always eager to find tips and tricks to improve. 🙂
Good day, JM. Pleasers face in interesting conundrum. You have to please people to have influence, make a living, or sell a product. The for me, is sacrificing myself and hiding deeply held belief’s to please. I wish you well on the journey.
Viewing conflict as an opportunity is a challenge. There’s a new book coming out that might be of interest. It doesn’t drop until mid March. Something to consider.
Cheers
Pingback: Relationships with Discomforting People - Taylor Transportation Search Group