How to Change People
Leaders change people.
Leaders fail because their ideas about changing people don’t work. Day-long training doesn’t change people. Information doesn’t shape character. Most of us have our minds made up.
Policies preserve the status quo. They don’t cultivate growth. Power and authority force compliance, but don’t change hearts.
Leaders don’t change people – people change themselves. You can influence transformation. You can encourage it. You can’t force it.
People change because they choose to. Pain might motivate transformation; it could be aspiration. Reasons can be internal, external, or both.
Change people by changing yourself:
You energize development by modeling personal growth. If you want to change people transform yourself.
Create an environment where learning is likely by showing up to learn.
Listen to stories:
Self-discovery is growth. Listen to people’s stories if you want to inspire growth. People see themselves in their stories.
- Where did you grow up? How did that impact who you are today?
- What was your family like? How did that shape the way you interact with others?
- Who influenced you? How are you like them?
- Who do you admire? If you were like that person, what would be true?
Take sides:
Demonstrate you’re on their side. People embrace change when you seek their advantage. High-influence leaders, seek the highest good of others.
People won’t change until they’re convinced you’re in it for them.
Provide reflection time:
During and after projects, ask reflection-focused questions.
- What most energizes you about this project?
- What is more difficult than expected? What would make it easier?
- What did you do to contribute to success?
- If you did this again, what would you do differently?
Conclusion:
Jolt people into the present.
- Share what you are learning.
- Invite them to tell stories.
- Seek their highest good.
- Provide time to reflect.
What has changed you? How can you apply that to helping others change themselves?
What a great way to start the week! Thank you for this post, Dan!
I always have said that I try to lead by example. People will react to how you lead. If you complain, they will be miserable. If you are excited, they will be curious. Remember to mirror what you want from others!
Love it. Grumpy people create a grumpy world.
You can provide the right mix of reasons, facts, stories, emotional appeals, and direct experience to encourage people to change. But remember what Blaise Pascal once said, “People are usually more convinced by reasons they discover themselves than those discovered by others.”
So, ask the people you are trying to influence questions like these:
–What do these facts mean to you?
–How do you feel about…?
–What impact did this experience have on you?
–What changes do you think are required?
Help people reach their own conclusions about the changes that are needed.
I get the sense of making space for people. I frequently tell leaders they are working too hard. They are doing things others should do. There’s where making space comes in.
It’s interesting that you can lead with questions. The questions you ask narrow focus. Also, the questions leaders ask let people know they matter.