Stop Telling People to Cheer Up
Happiness all the time is an oppressive fantasy.
Sometimes it’s better to clam up than to say “cheer up.” Sadness has legitimate reasons.
When happiness is your goal, painful emotions feel like failure.
Every leader experiences dark emotions. Listen closely to the wisdom of your dark friend.
- Experience dark emotions; don’t wallow in them.
- Be optimistic during difficulties.
- Don’t beat yourself down because you feel down.
- Make allowance for the full range of human emotions.
When You Don’t Need to Say Cheer Up
Saying “cheer up” insults the realities of life.
#1. The Crash After the Climb
Big wins have unexpected companions: emptiness, fatigue, even sadness. It’s normal.
You poured out to solve a problem, close a deal, or meet a goal; now you’re empty. Give your soul space to recover.
#2. Fatigue Isn’t Just Physical
Leadership drains more than physical muscle. Courage, emotional resilience, and decision-making stamina use emotional energy. You wear down.
Notice the signals. A short fuse, low joy, and overreacting aren’t weaknesses. They reveal an empty emotional tank.
#3. The Bow Can’t Stay Bent
Constant tension shortens your service. Wise leaders unstring the bow. Recovery strengthens resolve and extends usefulness.
You thrive when you honor your limits.
#4. Find Wisdom in the Dark
Lost enthusiasm may signal it’s time to change direction. You weren’t doing the wrong thing, but now it’s time to shift. Letting go is an agonizing process that begins quietly with an ache.
Painful emotions may signal change, but they always provide opportunities for growth. Deepen your character. Expand your emotional intelligence. Develop your grit.
Don’t simply cheer up. Dips expand self-awareness and perspective.
You gave others grace; be kind to yourself. Rest isn’t retreat. Changing direction isn’t failure.
What suggestions can you add for navigating dark emotions?
5 Ways to Identify and Avoid Toxic Positivity
Toxic Positivity Is Very Real, and Very Annoying
Great message today. Your statement about how a short fuse, low joy, and overreacting aren’t weaknesses, but reveal an empty emotional tank really got me to thinking. How do we refill an empty emotional tank? Focus on self-care, love yourself, connect with others, engage in activities that bring you joy, and practice gratitude.
Great post today. I appreciate the wisdom of these statements: “Experience dark emotions; don’t wallow in them” and “Make allowance for the full range of human emotions.” Being able to surf the full range of human emotion is one of my “wisdom” goals – I would have stuffed “bad/dark” emotions earlier in my life. Now I try to see the messenger and the message.
Wow – I needed that today. Thanks Dan.
We usually can’t anticipate when a dark time will come, but we can have people in place for when they do. I think of the mentors who have blazed trails for me to help me find the path when I feel I am all alone. I am grateful for the accountability partners who understand me and walk with me through them. I still wrestle with my dark times; through them, I see how valuable those relationships are. And I’ve learned to give more space to, and be more patient with, myself.
I have to give a special shout-out to my wife who has loved me through dark times when she didn’t have to. I’m not sure I would have been as strong as her.