Escape the Flattery Trap
“They flatter one another out of contempt, and their desire to rule one another makes them bow and scrape.” Marcus Aurelius
Using flattery invites people to look down on you. Neediness is obvious. (Adapted from Epictetus)
Why Flattery
Flattery is self-serving. It reveals we value wealth, position, and the approval of others.
Solomon said, “The one who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his steps.”
We use smooth talk to:
- Gain advantage.
- Avoid pain.
- Manipulate.
- Elevate self.
- Hide truth.
Instead of Flattery
#1. Hold your tongue.
“Be mostly silent or speak only what is necessary.” Epictetus
- Listen without preparing a response.
- Release your need to be right.
- Replace comments with curiosity.
- Don’t fill silence.
Blabbermouths undermine their influence.
#2. Only open your mouth to make something better.
- Audit your intent. Don’t speak until you know what you’re working to achieve.
- Measure the impact. What direction are you taking a conversation?
- Aim for progress. Adding your two cents slows progress.
Positive intent earns trust.
#3. Speak truth with forward-facing kindness.
- Don’t aim at the past.
- Aim at what’s next.
- Deal with reality, not appearances.
Truth tells people where they stand. Kindness shows where to go.
Where are you using words to gain advantage instead of create value?
Smooth Talk Fools Bob Bumblehoof
