The Power of “For You”
Don’t use “we” when you mean “you”.
“We” is weak. Sometimes it’s deceptive.
When you expect someone to own it say, “you”.
“For you” invites self-reflection.
“For You”
Asking, “What’s the problem?” invites people to look outside themselves. You might hear, “The problem is my boss’s inconsistency.”
“For you” makes it personal. Your boss may be inconsistent. But your challenge is how you respond.
“What’s the real opportunity here for you?” invites ownership. Don’t say, “What’s our challenge?” when you mean, “what’s your challenge?”
Development
“The simple act of adding “for you” to the end of as many questions as possible is an everyday technique for making conversations more development than performance oriented. Yes, the problems still get sorted out. But with “for you” there’s often additional personal insight, and with personal insight comes increased growth and capability.” Michael Bungay Stanier in The Coaching Habit.
How do things shift when you add “for you” to the end of questions?
Dan please correct your copyright date from 2025 to 2026
Thanks Anthony
Looks like I have to figure that out!
How do things shift when you add “for you” to the end of questions?
It makes the response much more specific.
🙂
Dan there was an interesting article in Apple News, written by a forensic expert recently on how to spot chronic liars. One of the top ways is they use “We” all the time. Great post! Brad
We love your insight.
Shorter but very insightful and critically important IMO. Great advice for everyone – maybe most especially, for PARENTS!!!
Thanks for dropping in John. Good seeing you here today.
Dan, sometimes I think you are a fly on the wall in our office and provide feedback through these posts to me the next day. Thank you
It’s always satisfying to feel connected to people I’ve never met. I wish you well.
Thank you. I tend to use “We” when I am speaking to my team concerning issues, but I do address the issue with the individual involved and work with them to resolve the issue. Is this wrong?
We” is appropriate when the responsibility really belongs to the team. The problem is using “we” when you really mean “you.” If one person needs to change a behavior, addressing it privately and directly—as you describe—is better than correcting the whole team. “We” builds shared ownership. “You” clarifies individual accountability.