Judgments Based on Fabrications

Goethe said self-knowledge is elusive. No one has achieved it.*

You haven’t figured yourself out. What makes you think you understand others?

Don’t make judgments based on fabrications.

Fabricated Motivations

Listen for “that’s because” when you evaluate people. Judgments emerge from cooked-up fairy tales about why people do what they do.

1. She asked difficult questions. That’s because she disagrees with me.
2. He’s quiet. That’s because he doesn’t like me.
3. He didn’t tell the whole story. That’s because he’s manipulative.
4. She’s late. That’s because she’s lazy.
5. He’s frowning. That’s because he’s mad.
6. She keeps asking about my project. That’s because she doesn’t trust me.

We cling to stories that validate our decision. When challenged, we defend fabrications.

5 Ways to Escape Judgment by Fabrications

1. Put yourself in the story. Evaluate your contribution to the relationship.
2. There’s a voice inside everyone’s head whispering they aren’t enough. Show some kindness. Tell them what they’re doing right.
3. People want to succeed. No one gets out of bed determined to fail. Ask them:
   • What are you trying to achieve?
   • What are you doing to achieve that?
   • What might you do to achieve even greater success?
   • How might I help you succeed?
4. People need to feel respect. How might you show respect today, even when challenging someone or confronting tough issues?
5. You don’t know what’s going on inside someone’s head. They might not know either.  Hold your judgments loosely. Stay open.

How might leaders rise above their own fabricated stories?

What are some positive ways to complete, “That’s because…?”

5 Questions That Unleash Humility – Leadership Freak

Why We Judge Others and Ourselves | Psychology Today

*Conversations with Goethe page 300 Kindle version.