You Change When You See
People change when they see what they didn’t see.
When you disrupt automatic thinking, people…
- Examine their beliefs.
- Test their assumptions.
- Discover the stories shaping their perceptions.
New perception. New action.
4 Things to See Differently
#1. See yourself differently.
You can’t change what you refuse to see.
“I’m not bad at conflict. I’m afraid of disappointing people.”
“I’m not overwhelmed because I have too much to do. I’m overwhelmed because I refuse to say no.”
Hold the mirror. Help people think about their thinking. Help them see themselves.
#2. See others differently.
“That employee isn’t resistant. She doesn’t feel heard.”
“My boss isn’t trying to control me. He’s worried about the outcome.”
Judgment narrows perception. Curiosity expands it.
When you need to prove you’re better than others, you create distance.
Seeing others differently begins with seeing yourself differently.
#3. See the world differently.
“This is a disaster” becomes, “What can I learn?”
“We’ve always done it this way” becomes, “What else could work?”
We don’t simply respond to circumstances. We respond to what circumstances mean to us.
Change the meaning. Change the response.
#4. See what’s possible.
“I can’t” becomes, “I haven’t figured out how.”
“There are no options” becomes, “What haven’t I considered?”
Insight changes perception.
New eyes reveal new solutions.
Coach for Seeing
Instead of rushing to solve someone’s problem, ask:
- What are you seeing about yourself?
- How else might you see this person?
- What assumption is shaping how you see this situation?
- What possibility can you see now that you couldn’t see before?
You change when you see.
What do you need to see differently today? Who?
Solution Saturday: How to Change Perceptions – Leadership Freak
This post is inspired by Marsha Reynolds’s book Coach the Person Not the Problem.
This morning, I changed what I saw when I took a photo of the quarter moon with my camera. I always thought we could only see the visible portion of the moon, but with the camera, the dark area was actually gray and you can see the craters proving both ‘insight changes perception’ and ‘new eyes reveal new solutions.

Thanks for your insight Lyndie. Any chance we can see a pic?
But, Dan, passing judgment is so easy. It takes almost no time. And it makes me feel better about myself.
Thank you for shaking up the status quo. I have grown over the many months I have read your blog. I often pass on the emails to others. As I will this one to a small group of men who were discussing a judgmental spirit. Love/humility learns. Love/humility listens. Love/humility considers. Yes, judgment narrows perception. Brilliant! Thank you.
Thanks for the good word, Pete. Yes, judgment is easy. It feels instinctive, comfortable and powerful. I love judging people. That way I don’t have to work on myself. Yeah!! I wish you well.
Whenever I feel stuck, it’s a practice to ask myself (others and God), what am I not seeing/perceiving/understanding. Not only do the answers lead to insights that reframe the whole situation, but it is an empowering exercise for myself and others around me. Can’t recommend it enough.