*Purposeful abandonment
Not long ago, in frustration, a friend of mine quit his job. He didn’t have another job lined up. He just quit. A few days later he embarked on a related career path and he’s never been happier. Purposeful abandonment opened the door to a richer, fuller life.
My life also gives testament to the power of purposeful abandonment. Or if you prefer, saying no and letting go. About two years ago, the organization I loved and clung to died to me. I crossed a line by saying, it’s better to lose it all than continue along the current path. It was painful, terrifying, and liberating. Saying no initiated a process that radically changed my life and the organization I love.
Personal, professional, and organizational growth begins when you jettison ineffective attitudes, habits, policies, systems, products, or ________ (fill in the blank).
Why is purposeful abandonment important? Because your current attitudes, abilities, processes, or systems are responsible for your present situation. Clinging to them propagates the status quo.
You won’t grow until you let go. It’s futile and frustrating to think otherwise.
Purposeful Abandonment
First, identify your preferred future. But before setting off to achieve it, determine what isn’t getting you there and courageously, mercilessly cut it off. Now you’re ready to passionately chase your dream.
Two Warnings
1. Abhorrence of the past ignites desire for change but it can’t sustain forward momentum. Make the past your platform. Don’t demonize it. Learn from it.
2. Don’t apply this principle to people. Some may abandon you after you’ve chosen a new course. Let it be their decision not yours.
Have you experienced purposeful abandonment? What happened? What dangers are associated with purposeful abandonment?
*Peter Drucker coined the phrase, “purposeful abandonment.”
I haven’t experienced “purposeful abandonment” but I would like to!
I am in a position now that I would like to change, but I can’t, too many responsibilities – mortgage, family etc holding me back. So one has to turn to other positive things to keep oneself going. (edited comment by Dan)
One day I will be able to change my life and do something else but until then; and I think it is really important to say and piont out that not everyone can just quit and change around there lives from one day to another, so one has to be positive and find positive releases to frustration.
Karen,
I hear you. You have to put bread on the table. I didn’t make serious life changes till the children were gone. The same is true for my wife who went back to school, earned her CPA and now has her own firm.
On the other hand, others somehow manage to make changes in the midst of everything. Do you think a support structure helps? I do. For example, a single mom who has family or supportive friends can make changes with help.
I honor your comment. It’s honest.
Also, please note that I edited out the website you mentioned. I wasn’t comfortable with the content. Thank you for understanding.
Pressing forward,
Dan
Wow… I seriously keep hearing this through different people lately and I’ve been feeling it for awhile now, but fear of the unknown has kept me shackled to a place where I am unhappy. I’ve been with the same company for 12 years and there have been good things. I have matured and perservered through frustrating circumstances; however, 2010 is a year of change for me! I’m ready to face the fear head-on and abandon myself to something new. Thanks for the encouragement. I too have a young family, but I don’t want to chain myself to something I’m not passionate about for another 10-14 years waiting for my kids to grow up. I have some ideas and passions I’m investigating, but maybe it’s time to just let go without a perfect map of where I’m going…
Steve,
Thanks you for your first comment on Leadership Freak. I appreciate it. The terrible problem with the future is it’s unknown! 🙂
Choosing between lining something up before you cut with the past or cutting without is one of the real tough one. My friend who quit is in a very hot field so he felt confident that something would happen even though he didn’t have it lined up. I wish you the best in your pursuits.
Regards,
Dan
I think there’s a lot of truth to this, Dan. I have several favorite quotes, one of which is “To get what you’ve never had, you must do what you’ve never done.” While I am not in a position to walk away from my primary job situation right now, I am actively searching for tiny opportunities to do what I love, such as editing and proofreading (and acting and organizing volunteers). One of the previous commenters said something about waiting for the kids to grow up, and I have the same pressures. I do think, however, that our kids watch EVERYTHING about the way we approach our jobs (and our lives), and we risk demonstrating that work is to be dreaded/feared when we do not engage in work we love.
Paula,
Love what you say about being an example to our kids. I feel a tight-rope between responsibility to others and responsibility to myself. You skillfully tied them together.
OH, and thanks for the quote.
Best,
Dan
I already experienced “purposeful abandonment”, and at that time was a painful decision because of the attachment I had with people and organization, but I moved forward. The danger is looking back to the comfort zone, you need to stay focus and with eyes on future. When I look back I acknowledge is was the right move for professional and personal growth.
Today, I am facing the same momentum, an opportunity is knocking my door, and I know “I need to let go” the present situation to step into a new level. This is harder, because of age and life cycle, and but can be wonderful and lead me to the life I dream. The dangers once again is looking back, however I totally agree that MY PAST MUST SERVE AS A PLATFORM OF THE PRESENT MOMENT AND SUPPORT OF MY FUTURE!!! all stages must be integrated as part of growing process.
Lenna,
Thanks for sharing your experience and adding to this conversation.
Be well,
Dan
It’s interesting how often we (me included) automatically apply the “say no and let go” philosophy to our job, but as you point out, it goes much deeper. You mention attitude and ability which are personal attributes, things that come from within not from without. Sometimes we need to take a sincere look into the mirror. We may find that it’s not the boss, not the organization, not the person at the desk next to ours, but it’s our own desires that battle for significance.
Sometimes it’s definitely good to purposefully abandon and sometimes it’s good change our outlook. It’s interesting how it always comes down to choices, but that’s another subject. Just my opinion. Thanks for the soul food.
Sam,
Great to hear from you again. You’re driving the point home. You made me squirm a little… in a good way.
Thanks,
Dan
This post really hit my soul. Everything that has been happening in my life since last year has all been a test towards this year’s revelation. I feel with my heart for all those in this world that let fear rule them. It truly is all in our head. Support systems are so vital. Those that do not have a support system are still capable to have one though. Everyone does need to heed your warnings, as my wife left me and took our daughter because of the changes that I made in my life. Purposeful abandonment is perspective based. Don’t take things personally, and keep moving forward amidst your situations. Don’t judge people, and know that love is the greatest, no matter what happens to you.
Jose,
Thanks for sharing your heart and your sober warning.
I wish you the best,
Dan
Wonderful post Dan – something that people really need to hear! Not that you should give up when you hit a challenge, but that you should give up the things that make you unhappy, that hold you back, that keep you from doing the things you can and should be doing to achieve your goals. Very nicely said!
Katy,
Thanks for adding that purposeful abandonment doesn’t mean giving up. Glad you stopped in.
Have a great weekend.
Dan
Wonderful post; thank you. I have experienced purposeful abandonment in both my personal and professional lives, sort of at the same time. On a professional level, I lost my job 18 months ago. We are a two income family and have the usual expenses, including two very expensive private schools for our children. I made the decision to abandon my previous career, go back to pursue a masters degree and also retrain myself as a sustainability consultant. I received a tremendous amount of pressure from my husband to take “any job” but I knew doing so would put me back on a dead-end career path.
Personally, I made the decision to abandon my marriage in the future. It is not financially feasible now but worrying about my children and gripping fear of being divorced has kept me in an unhealthy marriage. My personal plan for myself, putting myself first, for once, and realizing that my kids are going to be OK, has enabled me to push forward and not be discouraged by the guilt. It is important to realize that there will always be something “important” to consume your time, if you allow your personal needs to take a back seat to everyone and everything. My mom, brother, kids, husband, laundry, dinner, driving the kids from here to there, paying the bills, club volleyball, etc., always came first. Those were my personal, life “excuses” that allowed me to not face my personal fears.
It is amazing how the people in your life can adapt when they are forced to do so. Everyone around me has adapted, in whatever way the situation has required of them. I have never felt so empowered and in control of my life. I have learned to get by with very little and not all of what I need. I have completely weaned myself from the materialism and waste that used to pollute my life. Of course, I didn’t see it then for what it was, a lack of authenticity. I will terminate my marriage within the next 12 months and be well into living my new life.
While I don’t advocate throwing caution to the wind, purposeful abandonment can be transformational in your personal or professional life. If I can do this, anyone can! All the best to each of you.
Victoria,
I’m speechless!
Best,
Dan
Congratulations to Victoria for embarking on the hero’s journey. Kudos.
I actually went through an experience of purposeful abandonment twice in the past two years. The first was when I got into graduate school. I had decided to decline the offer before I thought about where I wanted my life to go. To get to that point, I would need to let go of my current job and my home and move across the country where I knew nobody. It was a terrifying choice, but you’re right – I couldn’t have grown if I had stayed there, and I certainly would not have moved forward towards my ideal future. The second time was more recent. I had acquired what could arguably be called my dream job. I loved showing up to work but I was frequently antagonized by the management team for minor issues. It came to the point that I needed to choose if staying on my current path was worth bringing my job home with me every night, even if the actual substance of the job was nourishing. I managed to set it aside and move on, which led to me finding an equally lovely job and more time to focus on my schooling, which I had lost sight of as my goal for a while. I think this kind of situation is more common than most people would realize. In many of the choices of our lives, we have an option that either keeps up stagnant or moves us forward towards change and the future. Even on a small scale, like abandoning a bad habit, we are practicing purposeful abandonment. I would almost argue that making small purposeful abandonment choices throughout the day is more impactful towards your progression then big career changes. Rick Godwin said, “One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up. Instead of what they have to gain.” It’s important to not demonize your past, but also to not idolize your present.