What I said … What I meant
Yesterday’s blog went badly from the beginning. The title, “Reasons to reject advice,” led everyone astray. It sounded like I was offering legitimate reasons to reject advice. Better titles would have been “Don’t reject advice,” or “Bogus reasons to reject advice.” The original title sounded fine in my jet lagged mind because I said it with a sarcastic tone. However, the Leadership Freak community couldn’t hear the tone when they read the words. Naturally, they assumed I was giving real reasons to reject advice.
I’m offering three examples of what I said followed by what I meant. I hope it helps.
Here’s what I said. “I reject advice when I think I’m competent.”
Here’s what I meant. Competence tends to make me think I don’t have more to learn. It may be the reason I wrongly close myears to advice. It shouldn’t but it does.
Here’s what I said. “I reject advice when it comes from someone less experienced.”
Here’s what I meant. Rejecting advice should be about the message and not the messenger. Don’t prejudge.
Here’s what I said. “I reject advice from those who’ve failed.”
Here’s what I meant. I should listen to people who fail. Failure teaches people what not to do and learning what not to do saves us a world of hurt.
The best advice is advice you think you don’t need. If you listen carefully it may surprise you.
I’m walking away from yesterday’s blog. I’m learning from my mistakes. I can tell you what not to do when writing a blog. Don’t expect your readers to hear the tone floating around in your head. Choose clear titles. Don’t use sarcasm.
…and always keep smiling!
Gee, if only I paid more attention to titles I too could be confused! I felt your point was clear through the preponderance of your words. Oh well. Oops. Bygones.
In some ironic way your point has been made better than if you had planned it!
“I reject advice from people who don’t see the full picture or understand all the circumstances. ”
Nothing is absolute and nothing is ever what it seems. Define failure, does it describe the person or a moment in time. Understanding can be defined by the word interpretation.
Approaching the word sin using linguistic science means to miss the mark. Ever play darts ? How many times have you missed the mark ?
“Here’s what I meant. I should listen to people who fail.”
So in this way we should listen to everyone lest we throw the baby out with the bathe water but there are some clearly defined rules.
The problem with this concept is that not everyone has the talent to communicate and or not everyone has the talent to listen never mind the skill.
One man’s failure is another man’s success might be a failure for both depending on how you look at it. All too often we replace our resources thinking one is smarter than the other and forget all roads are paved with good intentions.
If I am hard of hearing and I misinterpret what you have said it is easy to forgive, but if I am autistic and I can’t tell you what I am thinking but I try does that mean I am a failure ? Will you stop listening to me ?
On this season’s Celebrity Apprentice Holly is raising funds for Autism Speaks and yet I haven’t heard from anyone who is Autistic, but what I have heard is the divorce rate of parents who are raising autistic children. Should I throw the baby out with the bath water ? Where did the failure occur ?
Nothing is black and white and nothing is ever this easy.
You have the gift of seeing more than one side of a discussion and articulating them well. Thanks for adding value.
Best to you,
Isabelle’s website – http://lightwayvez.shawwebspace.ca/profile/
Wrong. You didn’t mess up or make a mistake. You had an idea, shared it, measured the reaction, and learned. Plan..Do…Check…Act cycle at its finest.
Continuous learning requires mistakes. Thanks for sharing the lessons you’ve learned.
It’s good advice. ;^)
Great to have you drop in and “correct me” ;-> Love connecting with you here and on twitter.
Dan, I totally agree with you, with respect to how the sentiment get lost in email. Subsequent replies to an email can also perpetuate the wrong sentiment. There is truth in the fact that those who give advice from a place of experience and wisdom know what they are talking about. And, we ourselves may well get to that stage in life where we remember their advice and understand it. My comments were leaning more towards the fact that we need to be responsible and make our own decisions, based on our experience. I have a difficult time, sometimes, getting my sentiments to come through in an email and sometimes I miss saying something important. I shall take some of the blame!
Your comment reminded me that the emotion we attach to emails receive is ours not the senders. In other words, if I’m in a good mood I tend to infuse the emails I receive with positive feelings. However, if I’m in a bad mood then the world is mad too.
Great to hear from you again. I’m in a good mood. 🙂
I look forward to hearing more from you.
What I thought I meant that I heard you say wasn’t what I said for you to hear…why am I now thinking of Inigo Montoya and Vizzini and Sicilian defense?
Sports reframe r/t someone who has failed. Baseball players don’t get hits 6 out of 10 times at bat, yet probably are all stars and in the Hall of Fame. Guess that may mean, temper your metrics for what failure is and we do learn best from our mistakes.
“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.”
You are the man!
I always enjoy reading your comments. I better not say any more lest I deviate from the nebular conception of the truth.
Best to you,
Don’t be too hard on yourself – it never occurred to me that you were being anything but sarcastic (and in such a way that i could see myself reacting the same way – I thought it was a good blog). I mean, all of your posts focus on being better leaders, listeners/team players – why would you suddenly depart from that format? You wouldn’t – sorry it went badly for you…sheesh.
It’s all good. I love the immediate feedback that comes from blogging. I love the good the bad, and the ugly. The whole thing is a blast. You and the other folks who take the time to comment are the main reason I’m diggin on this.
It was all about giving the benefit of the doubt. And context, as Darcy pointed out above.
You enjoy when people comment back – the honing aspect of interaction – and you got that. Congrats.
Keep on keeping on, Dan. It IS all good.
Great to see you again. It ALWAYS feels good to hear a good word!
I stopped over and read your latest blog and left a comment. The topic of blind spots is an important topic.
Best to you,
Tracy shares her wisdom at: http://tracyelpoured.wordpress.com/
Dan, you are a great leader by definition…look at the richness of the responses you received from the great leaders that blog or drift along with you…
Hit 99 today in the Valley of the Sun, can’t wait for those 100+ days…
I’ve been thinking about the cadre of leaders who make the core of the LF community. Clearly you are a key player in that group. The respect you have earned gives weight to your kind words. Thank you!
Hit 87 in PA today. Thats good for me!
Jim owns the Leemann Group LLC in Arizona http://www.leemanngroup.com/
You really are the “man”. Something that I’m constantly learning is that blogging is not always about writing what everyone needs to hear… or agree with. Sometimes its good to throw in a little conflict to generate forward thinking, even if it’s not what you intended.
When I read the original article, I was just amazed that you had the nerve to write something that would (and did) generate forward thinking, even if it was not what you intended. However, flip side is that you are also willing to follow it up from a place of humility. Not many would admit such a thing, and this shows your true character which overcomes any mistake you could have made.
You’re an inspiration and I look forward to meeting you in person some day.
All my best, Jake
I love the expression, “forward thinking” it’s a great approach to deal with frailties and mistakes.
I’m a real fan of yours. Your blog is a great read.
Love to sit and have coffee
Check out Jakes blog at: http://godrivesolutions.wordpress.com/
I really enjoy reading your blog; the honesty and real experience that is shown in every word attract me, I also feel grateful to read the responses of great leaders talking about their hard won lessons!
Here, contributors are willing to share how they developed more wisdom, more strength, Dan thank you, you paved the way for that … as a true leader!
Keep on the good work,
Great to see you again and thank you for you generous support.
I’m with you. I respect the comments and love the conversation.
Best to you,