How to matter?
Good one-word definitions say enough. John Maxwell defines leadership as, “Influence.” His full definition is: “Leadership is influence: nothing more, nothing less.”
For the moment, I’ll stick with, “Leadership is influence.”
I believe a life that matters is a force of persistent, positive influence.
The more I think about it, I’ve always been influencing people around me. Sadly, it hasn’t always been positive influence. Years ago, my wife said that our home was more peaceful when I wasn’t in it. It was a painfully true statement. I was having influence but it wasn’t positive, it was destructive. She challenged me to becoming intentional about positive influence.
Intentional influence
Positive influence isn’t an accident. You’ll need to become intentional. Keep asking yourself these questions.
- Am I stoking fires or drowning dreams?
- Are my words forward facing or anchors?
- Am I thinking more about giving than getting?
- Do the people around me believe I’m on their team?
- Do I focus more on what than how?
You can build a life that matters by becoming intentional about positive influence.
Intentional evaluation
Try evaluating your interactions at work, with mentee’s, with other leaders, with those in other organizations, with family and friends. Watch to see if you’re lifting up or driving down. Personally, my sarcastic tone sure doesn’t help.
A special challenge
Think of the people you see every day: coworkers, employees, family, and friends. The challenges of day-to-day problem solving, disappointments, and human frailties may drain your passion for positive influence. It may get dicey extending positive influence to those near to us. Becoming a persistent force of positive influence is about you not them.
Developing positive influence
Focus on what others know not what you know.
Extend respect and gratitude.
Help others find their own preferred future.
*****
What leadership-behaviors are forces of negative influence?
What leadership-behaviors are forces of positive influence?
Influence is inevitable. It’s not something we turn on or off like a faucet. You have adequately addressed influence in this post. We are all leaders whether we think we are or not.
One leader behavior that promotes a positive influence is encouragent (not false encouragement. That’s got 2 other names: manipulation or flattery) No, genuine, strength-centered compliments. These are the stuff of great influence.
Scott,
I love your opening line, “Influence is inevitable.” After believing we can make a difference, I think awareness of this idea is a core “leadership belief.”
Thanks for adding encouragement to behaviors that extend positive influence.
Have a great weekend,
Dan
As the parent of a teenager and a “tween,” I often think about what images influence my children. They see images all around them and are “influenced” to look, speak, and act a certain way.
One principle that applies to children and adults alike is that a true, lasting influence doesn’t manipulate the individual (as in a super skinny model purporting to be ideal); a lasting influence is, as you said here, focused more on making the person being influenced the best they can be given their strengths, as opposed to the influencer flaunting their own agenda.
Hi Paula,
Thanks for bringing family into the conversation. I believe the principles of leadership need application there too.
Whats your agenda? People of influence make the success of others their outward facing agenda… 🙂
Cheers,
Dan
Paula is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. Read here bio at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/paula-kiger
Mr. Rockwell, this is a great article. I am adding the idea that leadership is influence, either positive or negative, to my set of core beliefs.
Paula Kiger said: “One principle that applies to children and adults alike is that a true, lasting influence doesn’t manipulate the individual (as in a super skinny model purporting to be ideal); a lasting influence is, as you said here, focused more on making the person being influenced the best they can be given their strengths, as opposed to the influencer flaunting their own agenda.”
For better or for worse, a society fueled by capitalism means being bombarded by these kinds of influences. This is especially true of kids who seem to devote their lives to their electronic gadgets. What is the agenda of the impossibly thin model anyway? To sell you something. American capitalism is adults influencing children to profit off them. Eat the McDonald’s hamburger that will make you fat, then feel like a failure because you cannot wear overpriced jeans made with anorexics in mind. Go listen to music with the F word in every line that promotes sex to feel better. Play a video game that promotes violence to get a rush. Parents in this society have their work cut out for them. They may be the only adults in their children’s lives, besides teachers, who see their kids as human beings, not dollar signs.
As you can tell, I am an old fuddy duddy who worries that we are going straight to H E double hockey sticks. Sorry for the rant.
What leadership-behaviors are forces of negative influence?
Pathological narcissism
What leadership-behaviors are forces of positive influence?
Servant leadership
Jim,
You’ve mastered the art of precision.
Thanks for your comment.
Best,
Dan
Jim is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. Read his bio at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/james-leemann
Thanks for another great post. It reminds me that sometimes those closest to us don’t get our best; sometimes our most mindful interactions are with people with whom we have a less intimate relationship.
Deidre,
Thanks for reiterating the importance of giving our best to those closest to us.
Cheers,
Dan
John Maxwell is a mentor and one of my favorite people. You would have captured my attention by using him as a reference, but to speak of “Intentional Influence”, that’s where I live. Life is not an accident. We must live intentionally. And, our life must be one of influence. We are not here to float through. We are here to serve. To intentionally influence our children, our grandchildren, our neighbors, our business teams, our community, we must pay attention to all that surrounds us. We all cause ripples in the pond. It is up to us to decide if the ripple makes it to the other side.
Barb,
Your comment really challenges me. Thank you!
“We are here to serve”… easily said. I get the feeling you are living it.
Best regards,
Dan
Impressive. I agree totally with your view.
Wonderful post! And I also like Jim Leemann’s answers to your questions, although I think garden-variety narcissism is a negative influence. It doesn’t have to be pathological to cause damage.
Dear Dan,
I absolutely agree with you on the power of positive influence around you. I too believe that leadership is about influencing your surroundings. When your action, behaviours, decisions and attitude influence people to change their lives positively through changing their action, behaviours and attitude, then you are a leader. Similarly, when you influences people that creates chaos, disharmony, selfishness then you are mis-leader.
One can create good leaders by disseminating belief, ideas and decision he or she has taken the impact afterwards. What others know is real test of leadership. Similarly, change in surroundings and environment is real test of leadership. Of course, respect and gratitude is something that each and every human beings needs. Unfortunately, our masks have prevented us to realise the positive multiplier effect of respect, trust and humility. I strongly believe that helping others without selfish reason has tremendous impact on our belief, self esteem and openness.
I believe that the leadership-behaviors that create negative influence are selfishness, lust for power and position, showing more doing less, overpromising and not meeting promise in time, being fair weather friend, missing during leading, pretending more for failure, accusing circustances for end results etc…
And the same leadership behaviours that if missing are the forces of positive influence. There should be complete match between what you claim and what peole see. So, you should be a role model first. People must trust you. You should be a person of highest integrity. People should trust you more than themselves. This is possible only when you have changed yourself through your action, decisions and have overcome odd circumstances then only either you can show them or people can see change that you have made.
I also believe that “Leadership is all about change” that you have created. If that change forces people to create more change that has positive and sustaining impact on people, community and society then you are truly a leader.
Some factors are great about enthuasm of human behaviour but how we calculate anything specific about knowledge and resource because when we promoting anything like education or industry then always remember about how to grasp attention.
Hi Dan,
Very very inspiring post.
With your 5 points
1. Am I stoking fires or drowning dreams?
2. Are my words forward facing or anchors?
3. Am I thinking more about giving than getting?
4. Do the people around me believe I’m on their team?
5. Do I focus more on what than how?
and your plea for all to extend respect and gratitude you sum up a very strong formula for leadership success.
One note I would make about “helping others to find their preferred future” — an org. leader’s first obligation is to get the org. to the desired future. I do believe that along the way great leaders help the team members to find their preferred future. Those leaders know that sometimes team members’ individual preferred futures are not always w/i the org. Sometimes those futures may be elsewhere.
I mention because I have witnessed leaders who have cared more about individuals’ needs and traded the org. success for positive feelings.
Just a thought…
Kate
I notice that influence can be negative or positive according not just to the individual involved, but to the environment in which you put said individual.
For example, I have a very positive influence in my business, I manage to be able to encourage my employees and motivate them always to overdeliver, but with my parents I notice I am far less “positive” and can be seen as a pessimist, always mumbling and spitting sarcasm left and right.
Influence to me is something that comes natural, be it positive or negative. For this very same reason, I can see it very hard to change a negative influence into a positive one.
I believe that the best leadership advice I’ve ever been given is to go to work every day and ask “how can I help?”
How can I help those who report to me do their best?
How can I help those I report to get to the finish line?
How can I help with problems that arise during the day/week/project?
And the best supervisors I have had seemed to have that in mind. They provided the tools that were needed to do the job, and cleared the road so that the work could be done. They made sure that all employees felt comfortable coming to them and asking for help, equipment, or advice.
That’s influence.
Your post on Influences touch on the very heart of how we raised our son to be in the real world. You are never too young to learn how influences will help you or break you in a leadership role and in the work enviroment.
Help others find their own preferred future – this matches with S.Covey’s 8th Habit – right?
“Help others find their voice”
I am surprised how hard this really is – our society seems to work very hard at surpressing voice,
Jo