7 Ways to Break the Bondage of Old Patterns
Predictability is stability, until it shackles.
Old patterns are hard to break because they worked, once. But, you’ve changed and what worked once is bondage now.
Patterns establish predictability,
but they also anchor to an unsatisfying past.
New patterns are hard for you to make when others respond to you with old patterns in mind. They’re stuck.
Old patterns:
You were an angry leader. Now, you feel compassion for others and yourself. But, when you show compassion, people wonder what you’re after. They keep their guard up.
You used to keep people at arms-length. Now, you want to connect. But, when you try connecting, people feel awkward. “Why is she asking about my family?”
You were overly cautions. Now, you see the need for decisiveness. But, when you make decisions, people push back. They’re comfortable with the cautious leader they used to know.
Who changes:
When you break an old pattern – act unpredictably – you violate expectations and destabilize relationships.
When you change, you’re asking those around you to change. Relationships and interactions fragment, until others accept and adapt to the new you.
Your personal transformation breaks old patterns and calls on those connected to you to transform as well.
7 ways to break old patterns:
- Allow your inner-circle to see the journey. Allow time. Its hard for them, too.
- Realize some will reject you. This is the toughest aspect to breaking old patterns. Some relationships fall by the way. It hurts.
- Break patterns with the new you in mind. Don’t react against the old. Affirm a positive path forward. “I’m not going to…,” doesn’t work.
- Remain open. Openness guards pattern-breaking from arrogance.
- Chill out. You may swing too far, too fast.
- Consider changing jobs and starting fresh.
- Find a coach, mentor, or friend who has broken their old patterns.
How can leaders break old patterns without breaking established relationships?
An interesting question Dan. I get caught between advertising the chnage and just getting on and doing it, I think the former works a little better, and it also creates a bind or contract a little like declaring you are going to quit a habit ( which in this case I guess you are as well). Thinking back I think the times I haven’t made it clear where I’m going are the times I end up looking behind and wondering why nobody is there with me.
Advertise, commit, advertise again, recommit, repeat repeat repeat.
Richard
Thanks Richard. Love the pattern of advertise, commit, and so on. That’s the kind of pattern that doesn’t create bondage!
Dan, excellent post that I’m sure many can identify with; I appreciate the freshness of what you post everyday.
Much appreciated Calvin.
And don’t just inform others of your journey, make them part of it. Talk and write about the difficulties and failures you are overcoming. Be human, and let go of projecting perfection. The team will connect to the new you more quickly and even follow suit when they see mistakes can be made and it doesn’t derail the train.
Thanks James. KaPow… Love, “Make them part of it.”
Plus, letting them see the struggle is an invitation to connect, at least for some.
How true this blog is. Diane
Sent from my iPhone
Thanks Diane. A good word feels good.
This is truly powerful, and something with which I am currently struggling. I feel like I am stuck in a rut, so this information is particularly helpful. Thank you
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Thanks Roy and best for the journey.
There’s a stereotype that the older you get the less likely you can learn new ways of thinking. If we “generalize” then the older you get the more resistant you are to change. I’ve seen old dogs hanging onto outdated “father-knows-best” attitudes … and it really is demoralizing. However, I think you can find close-mindedness at all ages when it comes to changing your leadership habits. Generalizing … the younger you get the more nervous and fearful you are to rocking the boat, therefore, more rigid in stretching your boundaries. Breaking old patterns has to come from both directions, those passionate in front line jobs have to put away their fears and be bold in telling their supervisors how they want to be lead. Meanwhile, the senior management MUST lead by example and break old leadership habits and sponsor/mentor junior managers and supervisors how to lead more positively without the fear of reprisals. This means you have to put the well being of your team and company 1st and put your needs, as a leader, 2nd.
Thanks Michael. Your description of breaking old patterns as a two directional activity describes vibrant organizations. I think we all want to build vibrant organizations. The challenge is breaking old patterns to create them.
I’m tired of seeing leaders promise year after year that they will change their “old patterns”. If you can’t open your heart to true self examination and change to build a healthier leadership style, then you should really put yourself out to pasture. You must realize that you are being selfish and are truly detrimental to a positive work environment. If one cannot realize that, then it is incumbent that somebody take responsibility to weed those individuals out to foster new positive leadership growth.
An interesting post. Very different from the usual stuff that we often see and read. I have not come across any writing on predicability, and I like this
Thanks Rajiv. I think the topic of predictability fits loosely into the category of pattern recognition.
True… But it goes deeper, Dan.. There is some deep psychology at play hete
“The Round Wheels of Today become the Square Wheels of Tomorrow.”
“So, don’t just DO something, Stand There.”
“The View at the Front is different than The View at The Back.”
So, what is important here, in your message, is that we all step back from the wagon and see what new possibilities exist…
The above represent some of the parables I have been playing with for 20 years now. Another is a reframe on language – many of the managers will language something like, “we did innovation” or that “we did quality improvement.” My reframe is a simple one:
I use the term continuous continuous improvement to talk about the reality that improvement is not something that you complete. (I also anchor that down with the blip that I got the idea from the Department of Redundancy Department.)
We can easily get stuck in the old patterns. I saw an infographic on content marketing a couple of minutes ago and MAYBE I recognized the names of HALF of the social media sites and companies that one can use. Podcasting? Infographic submission sites? Tumblr and Weebly? Issuu and CrunchBase?
Yeah, have fun out there with this continuous continuous improvement stuff!
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Thanks Dr. Scott. When I was young, I worked too hard to improve. Now I into continuous continuous improvement. The alternative is arrival and that ain’t happening soon.
I think it’s always helpful to state my Why – it lets the team know the change is intentional. Even if they dislike it, they know it’s not arbitrary. It also reinforces the purpose of (sometimes uncomfortable) change for myself!
Dan
Leaders who are breaking patterns are moving up in their evolutionary growth and hence are resonating, not resonating with those around them. They must accept the reality that the others may not be moving at a similar pace and deal with it with greater understanding and patience.
All experiences have an impact on the growth, sharing the ones that worked for the leader and thereby educating, creating awareness in others can be an effective way to ensure the relationships too are evolved.