12 Ways to Enlarge the Way People Feel About Themselves
Immature leaders wonder, “How do you feel about me?” Mature leaders wonder, “How do you feel about yourself?”
Leadership includes how others feel about themselves because of your influence.
If you want to change an organization, change the way people think and feel about themselves.
I was disappointed when my daughter said that I intimidate others and she thought I wanted to.
I still struggle to accept her observation. It doesn’t align with the way I see myself. (That’s the nature of blindspots.) Even if I don’t like it, she brings up an important issue.
How do you want others to feel about themselves when you’re around?
Negative or positive:
- Out of place.
One leader said, “I want others to feel they have something to add.”
12 ways to enlarge the way people feel about themselves:
- Listen deeply and explore assumptions.
- Follow through on suggestions.
- Begin with flexibility.
- Share stories of your successes and failures.
- Show compassion when using authority.
- Give authority.
- Hold yourself to high standards.
- Use kindness even when dealing with tough issues.
- Help others learn from failure, rather than punishing them.
- Don’t meddle.
- Notice progress.
Servant leaders expand potential by enlarging the way people think and feel about themselves. Arrogant leaders elevate and enlarge themselves.
Tip: You don’t have to put yourself down in order to lift others up.
What might you do today to inspire the feelings you want others to feel about themselves?
What a blessing that your daughter was able to share that honest feedback!
Plant seeds, such as—Have you ever thought about being the project leader on XYZ. etc.
Great post! The tip at the end struck me, I think I do that. And while how others feel about themselves is a key to inspiration and leadership, it’s an extension of human nature. We fall in love with people that make us feel great which gives us meaning and purpose, our best friends make us feel valued and important. We always want to be around those that lift us up and as a leader it may be the most important aspect of effectiveness.
What a great post. It goes much further than just workplace relationships. In life we gravitate to those that lift us up. Our spouses and friends, spiritual leaders and public figures all make us feel better about ourselves. The tip at the end struck me as I often self-deprecate in order to elevate others, but that’s not really elevating them now that I think about it.
Effective leaders are people builders who are always on the job site. Our interactions should leave people feeling good about themselves and their ability to achieve great results. Thanks for another great topic today..
Good evening Dan;
Don’t feel to bad my friend, your not the only one who’s had that very conversation with his daughter. You and I share some similar traits. We are very self confident men. We have a knack for communicating positively & effectively. We’re both comfortable speaking publically. We have no problem walking into a room full of people we do not know, and yet can strike up a conversation with most anyone. It’s this self confidence, coupled with our boldness and ease of speaking comfortably in public while connecting with others can easily rub others the wrong way. Especially those we’re meeting for the first time, or don’t know us well. To these folks we can come across as arrogant, rude, cocky, and maybe even a bit self-absorbed. It’s when I find myself in in these situations that I ‘Tone it down a bit’, while committing to listen more, talk less.
Your (List of 12ways to enlarge the way people feel about themselves), is solid well grounded advice. I particularly like no.#8. The individual who has mastery of they’re emotions while remaining focused on task and mission and have an uncanny knack for communicating positively under the worst of circumstance’s often inspires others to be their best.
It’s all about making a connection and creating a real feeling of community with your people. When you commit to doing this consistently you can take an ordinary group of people and do extraordinary things.
Got to go Dan. Actually at work now fighting crime and changing lives!!!
I love this one: “You don’t have to put yourself down in order to lift others up.” – I know I’m certainly prone to self-deprecate to try and ease an opening!
This post and the comments so far seem to focus on the negative definition of “intimidate”. Yes, if I am “inspiring or affecting with fear”, then I need to work on myself.
However, if I look at wiktionary.org’s definition of “intimidate”, I find a second interpretation (besides the “fearful” one): “To impress, amaze, excite or induce extraordinary affection in others toward oneself.”
Notice that in both definitions, “intimidate” is a transitive verb – X intimidates Y (there are 2 involved there, not just 1). Is it X’s responsibility not to make Y fearful? Yes. Is it X’s job to help Y grow and move beyond the intimidation? That is leadership. But it is not X’s job to “fix” Y (that is manipulation). If X is a competent, capable, accomplished person or leader, then there will always be people that will feel intimidated by X (particularly at a first meeting). There is no way that X can prevent that, nor should she/he. But look on the bright side – the opportunities for X to lead and mentor Y are wide open when Y is intimidated in the second sense of the word. Y has found someone worth growing with.
I’m going to print this one out and keep it nearby! As a stay-at-home parent for many years I think I was good at empowering my children. Back to work as a director in a small company with no one actually officially under me on the org chart, I have sometimes felt that I have lost the confidence in my leadership ability. As a parent and in volunteer roles I didn’t care what others thought of me – I just wanted to do my best and help others around me – but at times I have gotten stuck at work, usually when questioning my authority to lead and wondering if my attempts at leading were misinterpreted as power-plays. Everyone has the authority to help someone else enlarge their view of themselves and their capabilities.
I have fallen in love with these posts. Although I don’t read them on the day they are written, I try and catch up with the ones that catches my interest. I share them with my team and they also love the insights. Dan, I’m inspired by your commitment to your cause. Thank you!
Unfortunately, a lot of people refuse the wisdom of your tip. They simply cannot see how elevating others doesnt involve lowering yourself.