A Closed Heart Can’t Be Led
A closed heart can’t be led.
Anything you do or say that gives permission for people to open their hearts enhances your leadership.
Feeling understood:
Words that help people feel understood are more useful to leaders than threats, reasons, and explanations.
A person who feels understood opens their heart to influence. (They still must believe you’re competent.)
Feeling misunderstood creates walls, distance, and isolation that competence can’t overcome.
Vulnerability:
Influence from you requires vulnerability in others.
Being influenced is an act of vulnerability.
Vulnerability is the channel of influence. Followers lower resistance and become vulnerable when they allow you to influence them.
You won’t need to worry about influencing others if they feel understood because feeling understood enables vulnerability.
Self-protection blocks responsiveness.
Anyone you influence trusts you to do no harm.
Distance:
Every time you say something that harms, you create distance. Every act that invites others to protect themselves, elevates resistance and lowers your ability to lead.
Humility in you enables vulnerability in others. When you are humble, others dare to open their hearts.
Humility overcomes reluctance to respond to leadership.
Anything you do or say that causes people to protect themselves lessens your ability to lead.
Connect with the language of emotion:
- You seem excited.
- You must feel …. (Insert words like confused, worried, or concerned.)
- You seem to care deeply about …. (Describe their passion.)
- This seems important to you.
After describing emotion, seek confirmation. “Am I understanding what’s going on for you?”
Realize that you could be wrong when describing another’s emotion.
Ask for clarification when you miss the mark. “Oh, I guess I don’t really understand. What am I missing?”
Skillful leaders connect before trying to lead.
Release your need to be understood and you’ll enhance your ability to lead. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Dr. Stephen Covey
How might leaders make it safe for people to follow?
Wow Dan, there is a lot here… Seeing leading as a matter of the heart is vital. Too often I’ve seen “leaders” try to force a point, or manipulate through punishment/rewards. Making a point and providing reward have their place, but allowing someone to lead is a sincerity response, including respect and trust, not a reward reaction.
As you point out – connect first.
Thanks for such a thought-fillled Post, I expect its the kind of Post I’ll reread and find new application, that’s fantastic.
Be understood, but understand.
By creating a safe environment for employees.
Dan, this post is jam-packed full of really good leadership strategies for the tough times, thank you for that! One suggestion I would make is that we are human and while we don’t intend to hurt those we influence we do make mistakes. In that instance it is important to sincerely apologize. People will ‘buy into’ someone who can be humble, admit their mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. Of course, this apology must be sincere and followed-up with awareness of your error and a change of motive that can be seen/felt by those you influence. Thanks again for this post, it’s one I’ll reference often!
Excellent post. Nothing speaks like being genuine.
In most organisations, the heart is irrelevant. You don’t need humility to build vulnerability in others: they’re already vulnerable because everyone stays in their job at you rthe say-so of the next person up the chain. Leadership is saying “Do as you’re told, or get out”. Connection is irrelevant, emotion is irrelevant, “buy in” is irrelevant – only obedience and results matter.
Trust and being trusted.
Show of genuine concern to the welfare opens the heart, trust also have same effect but followers should be cautious ……
Dan, great timing…I shared with 12 of my clients who needed to hear this.