How to Thrive by Creating Choice, Connection, and Competence

New Book Giveaway!!

20 free copies!!

Leave a comment on this guest post by Susan Fowler to become eligible to win one of twenty complimentary copies of, Master Your Motivation: Three Scientific Truths for Achieving Your Goals.” (Deadline is 5/19/2019)

(International winners will receive electronic versions.)

You failed at your diet. You didn’t get those expense reports in on time. Are you just lazy? No.

It is our human nature to thrive. Being bored, feeling lazy, or experiencing shame don’t qualify as thriving. Science reveals that thriving—or being optimally motivated—requires three psychological needs:

  1. Choice
  2. Connection
  3. Competence

Three questions:

You create choice, connection, and competence by asking yourself three questions when you find yourself procrastinating or feeling de-energized to do something you know you need to do…

What choices do I have?

Despite feeling trapped by obligations or guilt, the truth is, you always have choices. Sometimes just exploring your choices is enough to help you make a good one.

Where’s the connection?

If you cannot align the goal or task to meaningful values, a noble purpose, or inherent joy—especially those related to being of service to others, contributing to the greater good, or advocating for justice, then why are you pursuing the goal or agreeing to the task?

How will I build competence?

As you pursue your goal, acknowledge your progress, focus on what you’re learning over what you’re achieving. Recognizing how pursuing your goal teaches you transferable skills that contribute to life mastery and resilience, may generate an automatic shift in your motivation to achieve it.

Answering these questions is the antidote to motivation based on fear or pressure from outside forces—such as incentives, rewards, approval from others (or your own expectations).

When you acknowledge that you have alternatives to suboptimal motivation, you harness your ability to thrive.

Which of one of the three questions is most relevant to you today?

Susan Fowler, foremost expert on motivation and personal empowerment. Her latest book, Master Your Motivation: Three Scientific Truths for Achieving Your Goals, is available June 4.