4 Ways to Have Lousy One-On-Ones
Leaders bring vitality. They don’t create drudgery.
When one-on-ones turn people into zombies, you’re doing them wrong. Think of how everyone else feels if one-on-ones drain you.
Stop sucking the life out of people. Tedium isn’t productive.
4 ways to have lousy one-on-ones:
1. Don’t prepare.
Time with you is sour when you rush around at the last minute. People feel devalued.
Preparation says you care.
2. Talk exclusively about work.
People just want to get back to work when you blab on and on about work. There’s no work without people.
The #1 thing employees ask is, “Does my employer care about me?” (Gallup)
3. Be formal.
When professionalism builds barriers it’s a hindrance.
Connect with people.
4. Hog the time.
Listening tells people they matter. Let others do most of the talking.
4 questions to ask before your next one-on-one:
- What do you want people to believe about your organization, you, and themselves?
- How do you want people to feel about themselves, you? Do you want them to feel energized, sobered, connected, supported, challenged AND supported?
- What do you want people to do?
- How can you encourage personal/leadership development?
3 tips for your next one-on-one:
1. Turn off distractions.
Hide your phone. Turn toward people and away from computer screens.
2. Prepare your heart.
Do three things – three minutes before your next one-on-one.
- Close your eyes and breathe deep for a minute.
- Reflect on the person you’re meeting with.
- Determine how you want to show up for them.
3. Take notes.
Take notes so you can follow up.
Explain that you aren’t writing prescriptions. You’re just keeping track of the conversation. Some prefer not taking notes during one-on-ones. If you don’t do it during the meeting, do it immediately after.
How can one-on-ones be energizing instead of draining?
Dan, this is a great post. I have multiple one-on-ones with members of my team, and also with my leaders. Whether I am leading or being led, I have an agenda or at the least a list of items I want to discuss. I always try to start and end the meeting with something personal (human-business-human).
Thanks for your wise words.
Thanks for jumping in today, Rosemarie. I’m not sure why, but your comment reminded me of a quote that is misattributed to Maya Angelou.
“They may forget what you said — but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Carl W. Buehner
I wish you continued success.
How can one-on-ones be energizing instead of draining?
–Start by reminding the person how their contribution supports the company’s strategy and helps the customers (internal or external).
–Discuss/acknowledge what’s been accomplished before discussing what still needs to be done.
–Ask the person what are they most pleased about regarding how the project is going.
Thanks for adding value, Paul. You make me think about brag time. Brag about people and give people a chance to brag.
Sometimes leaders are so committed to improvement and progress that acknowledging progress is scary. You don’t want people to think they’ve arrived. But, it’s worth it.
This came at a key time for me I am not connecting with and struggle to communicate; I engage with a manager that is not doing the basics so i think i am going to take point and lead our time. This post was a great reminder, of if someone to is not doing the showing up they correct way to help demonstrate the appropriate behavior.
Thanks SRS. You mention demonstrating appropriate behavior. You remind me that modeling the way is essential. It’s the beginning of leadership.
Eliminate the one on ones, Not one company went from good to great because they had outstanding one on ones. They are a made up Event! from HR. They provided no value to a company. It is a demoralizing event, A one on one session has never Inspired an employee to go from good to great. Save the thousands of hours put into this nonsensical project, Fire, the HR people pushing this nonsense and Instead go sell more products
Thanks for joining the conversation, Mike. I enjoy reading and learning from people with a point of view. I won’t try to change your mind. However, a clear perspective that contradicts my thinking is reason to reflect on the validity of my own approach. Thank you.
I add that whatever method leaders choose, regular feedback, personal/skill development, goal clarification and alignment, and relationship building method they use it’s pretty hard to say these things aren’t important.
I agree with you Dan, but you can do all of the above that you listed without doing one on ones. I don’t know of a single person, managerial or employee, who enjoys or get anything out of a one on one.
I eliminated them in my company and my employees all went out and celebrate it that night
I’m glad it worked for you. And I agree that everything I listed can be done without a 1:1 program. Any good system executed poorly ends up burdensome.
You might need to meet a few more people. 😉 I know leaders, managers, and employees who are thriving in part because of 1:1s.