Let Go When You’re at the End of the Rope
Grit says, “When you’re at the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang on.”
What if it’s time to let go? It’s dangerous to be tenacious and lack wisdom.
You need grit to hang on. You need wisdom to let go.
Image attribution: Auckland Museum, CC BY 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
When you’re at the end of your rope…
#1. Let go of foolish hope.
Nietzsche said, “Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.”
Hope makes you hang on too long.
I know a woman who was passed over twice for the COO position. She stopped hoping for the position and resolved to do a great job where she was. She earned the COO spot after she let go of hope. Eventually she earned the CEO position.
Hope deferred produces despair.
#2. Let go of corrosive bitterness.
You might feel bitter because you received less of a good thing than you deserved. You didn’t receive proper recognition, for example.
You might feel bitter because you received more of a bad thing than you deserved. You received blame for something you didn’t do, for example.
You might feel bitter when someone else receives good that should have come to you. The boss takes credit for your work, for example.
People don’t always get what they deserve.
Bitterness corrodes life. It…
- Drains resolve.
- Impedes growth.
- Weakens relationships.
- Poisons environments.
- Sustains learned helplessness.
- Breeds victims.
- Disrupts contentment.
#3. Let go of destructive hostility.
Lashing out is living in the past. The past controls the present until you stop trying to change what can’t be changed.
Conclusion:
When your mind’s set on one thing it can’t consider another. Things to consider…
- Commitment to thrive regardless of what happens to you.
- Forgiveness that releases offenses.
- Generosity to do good in an imperfect world.
- Resolve to stop living in the past.
When is tenacity a bad thing?
4 Powers of Surrender for Leaders
You’re invited:
Private fireside chat with John David Mann and Dan Rockwell.
When: OCT 19 at 7 PM Eastern
Where: Zoom
Why: Discuss humility, leadership, The Vagrant, and whatever topics you bring up.
Email: TheVagrantBook@gmail.com for the LINK.
I needed this so much. Thank you.
So glad to be useful, Carrie. Cheers
Tenacity is a bad thing when it produces tunnel vision and closes you off from facing reality.
Open, flexible, and tenacious is an interesting set of qualities that don’t always go together. Tenacious people tend not to be flexible. There’s a challenge.
The Stockdale Paradox. “You must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time, have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” Thanks, Dan.
Thanks for bringing the Stockdale Paradox to the conversation. We get too focused on an artificial expectation. We’ll be released from prison camp by Christmas. When Christmas comes and goes without release what are you going to do. Brutal fact, the future is beyond our control.
Thank-you for this affirmative aned constructively helpful message. Like many of us, I have found it difficult to let go of a past that I know logically that I cannot change. Your visual of the anchor with a sea gull’s wings attached is such a vivid reminder that we cannot fly while choosing to remain anchored to our past. Thank you Dan Rockwell for continuing to motivate andinspire.
Thank you, Pauline. Encouragement is gas in our tanks.
Terrific post, Dan! My wife Mary recently retired from a role she had for 20+ years as the SVP of Human Resources of a local university, a job she got by letting go and letting God. For several years she tenaciously applied for a role in HR there only to learn that they had chosen a different person. After multiple disappointments she stopped applying and let it go.
30 days later someone from the university reached out and asked her if she’d consider becoming the HR manager. She did, and within a year was promoted twice and found her “dream job” all because she could let it go.
Wonderful story, Hank. You remind me to do my best and let the results fall where they may.
Let go of corrosive bitterness – reminds me of a sign someone had in their office when I was at a client site: “Holding onto Anger is like drinking poison – and expecting the other person to die!”. Unresolved anger and bitterness can indeed cause stress that makes you physically ill.
Thanks Jackie. We engage in self-defeating behaviors while thinking we are doing something that’s helps us. Sometimes anger feels good. Some anger is a self-affirmation strategy that backfires.