Feedback: Do These 3 Things Before You Say a Word
The heart of feedback has nothing to do with correct phrasing, strategies, or techniques.
The heart of feedback is being human. People aren’t cogs and gears; they’re flesh and bones. They respond to input as individuals based on past experiences, values, and personal goals.
Image by ahsing888 from Pixabay
Before you speak a word of feedback:
#1. Get right with yourself.
Reflect on yourself. Don’t spew on others.
- How are you feeling? Emotion colors communication. Stressed leaders speak aggressively. Optimistic leaders speak hopefully.
- How do you evaluate yourself? When you’re disappointed with yourself, you tend toward disappointment with others.
- What are your intentions? You have more experience and skill. You know what people need to do. What do you intend people to feel when the conversation is over? Encouraged or discouraged? Confident or insecure? Confused or clear? Dwelling on past performance or focused on where they are going?
#2. Put your fixer to bed.
The desire to fix people is normal. But you can’t fix anyone. People fix themselves. You can speed their journey, but everyone chooses their own path forward.
Determine if you need to tell, explore, correct, or instruct. Do all four with openness.
Forget about having all the answers.
People who know are…
- Overconfident.
- Opinionated.
- Closed minded.
- Dismissive.
#3. Choose how you show up.
Choose environments that support the goals of the conversation. When your goal is a conversation, how does the environment support the goal?
It’s nearly impossible to resist the power of architecture and environment.
Choose the lens you use on yourself. Are you there for others or for yourself? The quickest way to lower stress is to seek to advantage others. Tell people you are in it for them. You seek their best interest.
Show up to row-with before you give one word of feedback.
How can leaders prepare themselves to have performance enhancing conversations?
Still curious:
After Giving Tough Feedback Good Bosses Do 5 Things
17 Things to Never do when Giving Corrective Feedback
Humility and self-reflection strengthen leaders for the battle. Click here to check out, The Vagrant: The Inner Journey of Leadership. It’s a wonderful tool for leaders facing challenges.
Timing is important. Is the person open to learning? Are you open to learning? Determine what questions you will ask prior to the meeting.
Thanks Paul, Look for the learning moment if you want to have performance enhancing conversations. Love it.
Frustration with failure, for example, is a wonderful learning moment if we treat people with respect.
Excellent post, Dan! I especially like. “The heart of feedback is being human.” Between faceless social media exchanges and corporate documentation, it’s all too easy to focus more on the “resources” than the “human” part of human resources. As a result, we too often see that “Fixing people is the beginning of manipulation and the end of curiosity” — and I might add engagement. We should definitely handle feedback with great care!
Glad you found this useful, Paul. In the new age of AI the main thing humans offer is humanity. I want to talk with a person and I want people to feel like a person is talking with them when we talk.