Sympathy, Empathy, or Compassion – What’s More Important
I feel terrible. My friend has Covid for the fourth time. I had Covid one time, so I have an idea what he feels like. After I heard the bad news, I sent a text offering to clear his driveway of snow. His driveway is at least half a mile long and uphill all the way. (He has a tractor.)
Sympathy and empathy are good. Compassion brings tangible value.
Sympathy – empathy – compassion:
“What the world needs more than sympathy and empathy is compassion.” Adam Grant
Sympathy is feeling ‘sorry for’. I feel sorry for my friend with Covid. But sympathy by itself has little practical value. It might feel comforting to my friend, but when his driveway’s deep in snow feeling sorry for him is disappointing – when it’s in my power to meet his need.
Empathy is fellow-feeling – ‘sorry with’. I actually feel bad that he’s on his fourth go round with the coronavirus. Empathy and friendship go together.
For leaders, empathy is part of building trust. “When someone feels seen and heard by you, they begin to trust you.” Robin Stern
Compassion is more than sympathy and empathy. You practice compassion when you show up ready to help. Offering to plow a driveway is tangible.
Sympathy and empathy apart from readiness to help might have emotional value, but they have no practical value.
Sympathy is feeling ‘sorry for’.
Empathy is feeling ‘sorry with’.
Compassion is, “Tell me how I can help.” What if you can’t help? “When we can’t make people feel better, we can still make a difference by making them feel seen.” Adam Grant
You don’t have to feel other people’s feelings. You just have to care about their feelings. (Jordan, Amir et. al.)
How do you untangle these concepts?
Still curious:
7 Ways to Have Tough Compassion
An enlightening articulation of the three feelings! Very nicely done — and very useful. Dan is wise — and we’re grateful for his compassion to share his wisdom with the rest of us..
What a great way to begin the week. Thanks, Gerry.
I sincerely appreciate this distinction! 💖
Sympathy, empathy, and compassion are confusing. There can be overlap and that makes it worse. Glad to be useful. Thanks, Sharon.
Great way to start a new week! Thank you Dan.
Thanks, Marry Ellen. Here’s to making it a great week.
I think “Empathy” is more about just understanding what the other person is thinking or feeling and why.
I hear you, Paul. I suppose it’s all about definition. Do you think empathy has an emotional component?
I’m thinking compassion may have emotion, but it’s not necessary. It’s compassion to do something useful whether you feel something or not.
Yes, having empathy implies you understand how the other person is feeling.
Yes, I agree. Compassion—you do something useful because you believe it’s the right thing to do.
Don’t know that I have ever commented here, but this is a great practical application for the new year!
Well thanks for commenting today, Kevin. And thanks for the good word. Come back soon. Happy New Year.
Very helpful clarification of the practical application of the terms. Each one is appropriate in its way.
It takes practice to understand when to apply each. Trying to be “useful” can be pushy when the other person just wants to be heard. I love your statement “You practice compassion when you show up ready to help” – words without action when compassion is needed are empty.
Thanks, Ryan. You raise an important point. Trying to be useful can be pushy…. Overhelpful isn’t helpful. It’s insulting. Seeking clarity about what someone wants makes a lot of sense. Love it.
Really great article today! We each have a choice to be compassionate towards others, and in the end that makes all the difference.
I’m glad I can now see through clearly and be more compassionate.