The Leaderly Pursuit of Advice
You look needy when you seek advice poorly.
I recently encouraged a leader to reach out to a member of her board for input. She said that she wanted to talk to him but was concerned about perception. Would he think she’s weak? I explained that he will think you’re smart if you do it skillfully.
Successful leaders seek wisdom from others.
The Leaderly Pursuit of Advice
Don’t say:
- I need some advice.
- What do you think I should do?
- I don’t know what to do.
- I’m at the end of my rope.
- I want to improve. The word “improve” is too broad.
Set direction:
Begin with a forward-facing goal. Don’t ask, “How do I solve tensions on the team?” Instead say, “I’m working to build supportive relationships on the team.”
Avoid, “I’m working to improve team dynamics.” Explain what you want to improve.
A narrow focus invites actionable advice. Explain your focus of concern specifically.
When seeking input, say:
- What have you learned?
- I’m working to build supportive relationships on the team. How did you build a team that depends on each other?
- What are some things leaders should avoid when (state your goal)…?
- I’m gathering ideas about…. What suggestions do you have? Always use the plural. The singular creates obligations.
Advantages of seeking wisdom skillfully:
You build relationships and gain support when you seek another’s wisdom. A board member, for example, is more likely to stand behind your leadership if you learn from his or her experience.
You’ll be surprised at the insight that surrounds you.
What have you learned about learning from others?
https://hbr.org/2015/01/the-art-of-giving-and-receiving-advice
I’m not so sure. And isolation, and even Dunning-Kruger impacts on decision-making can certainly drive issues.
Some thinking around this here: https://performancemanagementcompany.com/2025/02/21/dunning-kruger-and-senior-leadership-challenges/
I always appreciate you dropping in, Dr. Scott. The Dunning-Kruger effect needs more attention these days. Thanks for bringing it up.
To avoid the perception of weakness, consider asking for periodic meetings (maybe quarterly). A one-off implies a problem that needs to be solved, one that you can’t solve on your own. Periodic meetings signify a relationship being developed, one that both parties benefit from.
Love it, Jennifer. I’m going to pass this along. It’s fascinating how a small thing makes a big shift.
Glad to have been of help to you today, given all the times your blog has helped me.