Triggers: When Someone Pushes Your Buttons
A baby’s giggle, an insult, and being trusted with new responsibilities all have one thing in common. They’re triggers.
People light up when babies giggle. They feel defensive, frustrated, or insecure when insulted. And new responsibilities often energize employees to step up.
Frustration triggers me to talk louder. I choose to do the opposite. I ask questions and soften my tone. That’s my goal, at least.
Bonus: People who Believe They Have No Control Act as if They Don’t Matter
Triggers:
The term comes from the world of guns. Pulling a trigger fires a bullet. One action causes another action.
Psychologists used the concept during the Vietnam War. Veterans suffering from PTSD experienced flashbacks when they heard fireworks, for example.
Act Otherwise:
Not all spontaneous responses are destructive or painful. Making silly faces at giggling babies is good for everyone. When triggers are destructive, act otherwise.
Examples:
Being challenged in public might trigger defensiveness. Act otherwise by being curious, not combative. Say, “Could you say more about that?”
Feeling underappreciated might cause you to withdraw. Self-sabotage doesn’t serve anyone. Instead, determine how to advantage your team and yourself.
Missed deadlines probably drive you nuts. You might jump in and take over. Act otherwise by asking, “What needs to happen to finish this fast?” Avoid questions that invite excuses. For example, don’t ask, “What happened?” Instead ask, “When did this begin to go badly? What will you do differently next time?”
A Simple Plan:
Don’t simply suppress destructive impulses—use them for good.
- Notice your buttons.
- Plan a healthy response to painful triggers. Know what you’re going to do before you feel the heat. What question, for example, will you ask when you feel attacked?
- Don’t get discouraged because you have negative impulses. Humbly accept yourself and take corrective action.
Bonus: 7 Small Acts of Humility
What pushes a leader’s buttons?
How do you choose to respond when someone pushes your buttons?
Resource: Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts–Becoming the Person You Want to Be
Great topic, Dan.
The buzzer in my car serves as a trigger—a reminder to fasten my seat belt. Similarly, when I notice my attention starting to drift, I use a verbal cue—quietly saying to myself, “Be present, make eye contact”—to refocus on the speaker.
Understanding your hot buttons and creating personalized triggers to help you stay calm and in control can be incredibly effective.
Emotional intelligence?
Thanks, Paul. Wonderful examples. Simplicity enhances effectiveness.
A friend of mine drove with his father for several hours to visit the father’s brother, likely the last time the two men will see each other in person due to their ages. I asked how it went. He said he should have just asked his father what order he planned to push my friend’s buttons on the ride there and back.
Buttons/triggers only work if you care. If you don’t care, then you don’t react. Remember that fact. You will still react. But maybe you can react differently or at least less strongly.
What a powerful statement, “If you don’t care, then you don’t react.” That helps me see myself and understand my values. Thanks for sharing, Jennifer.