The Nitwit’s Guide to One-on-Ones
Conversations impact life’s trajectory.
You don’t have time to squander on useless one-on-ones. But employees who have regular one-on-ones with their managers are 67% less likely to be disengaged.
The Idiot’s Guide to One-on-Ones
(Because relationships and results should always be intentional.)
#1. Get Ready
Never say, “Just let me finish this email,” when someone shows up.
Preparation makes spontaneity effective. Take three minutes to prepare your heart, mind, body, and environment.
- Quiet your heart.
- Turn your mind toward others.
- Tell your face to relax.
- Remove distractions.
Don’t wing it. Plan it.
#2. Set the Tone
People watch for signs that they matter to you.
Never say, “I’m slammed today; let’s get to it.” Or “I need to cut our meeting short because I have an important report to finish.”
Always say things like, “I’ve been looking forward to our conversation.” If you can’t say that, remind yourself of the power of one conversation.
#3. Ask Questions Focused on Them
One of my favorites is, “What’s working for you?” Give them brag time.
#4. Focus Responsibility on Them
Begin with, “What have you tried,” when there’s an issue. Follow that with, “How did that work?” Then ask, “What would you like to try next?”
When issues require your involvement, step up generously. Offer to help, but don’t do their job for them.
#5. Monitor Energy
Many of the transformative moments I’ve seen begin with, “I notice your energy just went up. What’s going on for you?”
Notice when their face brightens or their voice shows enthusiasm.
People see themselves when they notice things that give them life.
Final Word: One-on-ones are about relationships, growth, and results (in that order).
Which item is most relevant to you right now?
What’s one thing you can add to this list?
One-On-Ones: 7 Powerful Phrases to Use
Thanks, I needed that!
I often say, please wait till I finish the email, as I am prone to forgetting to finish the email.
I will plan not to have emails/work done and put away 3 minutes before my 1:1. Such a helpful reminder!
Thanks, Reilly. The three-minute prep rule is very helpful. It helps me be present and focused. I wish you well.
I like #5. A person’s energy level is the external indicator of what’s going on below the surface.
Add–What’s been you biggest learning or insight in the last month?
Yes, learning is energizing. Don’t pretend you knew already when someone tells you something they’ve learned. And even if you do already know, honor their development. Be excited with them.
I so much appreciate today’s messages! They are geared well for how pressured everyone is to perform these days.
I might also suggest Tell me some positive observations about how you see your work successful this week. I like to have these ready stories on the tip of my tongue to share with others.
Also – you say tell your face to relax. I also privately massage my face before meeting, to not carry the stress responses forward into this meeting.
Last, I strongly recommend the Arbinger Institute, focuses and expands on the principles you touch on here.
Thanks for what you do, I love reading your posts and often share!