Stop Chasing Calm
Seeking calm is stressful.
The more you focus on inner calm the more you sense its absence.
Absence of Calm
Good feelings aren’t a roadmap. Calm isn’t a compass.
Accepting a promotion adds weight. Starting workouts causes sore muscles. Saying no makes your heart pound. Anxiety precedes tough conversations. Apologizing feels awkward. Setting boundaries tightens your chest.
Inner turmoil signals engagement.
- Stress means you care.
- Discomfort indicates commitment.
- Anxiety says, “This matters.”
Self-Defeat
Seeking calm directly defeats you.
- Goal: Feel calm.
- Reflection: I am currently feeling 4/10 calm.
- Judgment: 4/10 is not my goal. I am failing.
- Reaction: Anxiety/frustration increases.
- Result: Calmness drops to 2/10.
An Alternative
Calm is a consequence, not a goal. When stress goes up, redirect your attention.
- What does it mean to serve others right now?
- Ask yourself, “What matters now?” Purpose gives meaning to difficulty.
Feeling troubled means you’re in the arena.
Don’t mistake ease for success. Don’t choose comfort over growth.
Elevate your ability to thrive in turbulence.
Take action on your highest point of clarity. If you’re reasonably certain it won’t cause harm, do it.
Action answers anxiety.
Calmness isn’t the goal of life. You’re here to make meaningful contribution. Sometimes that’s stressful.
Stop checking your pulse; start checking your purpose.
Great post! This has been on my mind a bit as I found myself inadvertently seeking calm and comfort when I should really be leaning into the challenges. A stoic might say that “the obstacle is the way”, and a Christian might also recall “Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me”.
Thanks for sharing your insights, John. The quotes you add show how chasing calm could cause us to lean away difficulty. Cheers
Thank you, Dan. Like many of your posts – very timely. I have always felt guilty when this happens – my taking action in response to something that blows up. Now I realise it’s because I care and I do!
It’s great to see how something good might be behind a reaction. Some of my reactions aren’t good even though I care. Thanks for food for thought.
I usually opt for peace. Peace is a stance. It’s the willingness to be okay with whatever arises—even the lack of calm. Being willing to accept all outcomes dissolves the chase of calm. Peace isn’t passive; it’s a kind of inner spaciousness that doesn’t require conditions to line up. Instead of being calm as it’s ‘all falling apart’ I accept that it’s ‘coming together’ for better.