The Power of “For You”

Don’t use “we” when you mean “you”.

“We” is weak. Sometimes it’s deceptive.

When you expect someone to own it say, “you”.

“For you” invites self-reflection.

“For You”

Asking, “What’s the problem?” invites people to look outside themselves. You might hear, “The problem is my boss’s inconsistency.”

“For you” makes it personal. Your boss may be inconsistent. But your challenge is how you respond.

“What’s the real opportunity here for you?” invites ownership. Don’t say, “What’s our challenge?” when you mean, “what’s your challenge?”

Development

“The simple act of adding “for you” to the end of as many questions as possible is an everyday technique for making conversations more development than performance oriented. Yes, the problems still get sorted out. But with “for you” there’s often additional personal insight, and with personal insight comes increased growth and capability.” Michael Bungay Stanier in The Coaching Habit.

How do things shift when you add “for you” to the end of questions?