How to Invite and Survive Feedback From a Group
Life is simpler without others in it. But, everything that matters includes people.
The more you work to control people the more troubling they become.
Leaders fear feedback because they can’t control it.
7 negative responses to negative feedback:
- You don’t understand how hard I’m working.
- You have your own issues! (A personal favorite.)
- You don’t really know me.
- Why is your opinion more valuable than mine?
- You don’t get it.
- You might be right but it’s not important.
- I have more expertise than you so where do you get off telling me how to improve.
If you like all the feedback you get, you aren’t getting good feedback.
3 roots of resistance:
- They don’t care enough. “You don’t really care about me.”
- They don’t know enough. “I know more than you.” Or, “You don’t know the whole story.”
- They aren’t good enough. “You have selfish motives.”
How to ask for feedback from a group:
Focus:
Always begin with an end. Don’t have a free-for-all.
- What am I doing that strengthen relationships?
- What am I doing that weakens relationships?
- What am I doing that motivates others?
- What am I doing that de-motivates others?
- What am I doing that moves projects forward?
- What am I doing that stalls progress?
Clarify:
- What specific behaviors will produce better results?
- What specific behaviors are roadblocks to reaching goals?
- How will others see and affirm improvements?
Illustrate:
Always ask for illustrations.
If you can’t see it, it doesn’t matter, when it comes to feedback.
Feedback in groups:
- Begin with positives.
- Participation of the timid. When they see your receptive response, they find courage to speak.
- Clarify issues and options with discussion.
- Build cultures of growth through multiple participants.
- End with behavioral commitments.
- Invite participants to join you on the journey. Stay public.
- Invite someone from the outside to guide the process.
What negative responses to feedback have you seen?
What suggestions do you have receiving feedback from a group?
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Count on people being defensive. 1, 2, 3…
But it is also about having rapport with that individual when communication and putting the conversation into the context of improvement, some framework that they buy-into (or that you buy into).
Negative feedback invites pushback. You can do Godzilla Meets Bambi to deal with resistance, but that only kills Bambi’s initiative.
If they think you care, and if you frame it into what THEY see as a need for improvement, then the feedback can be useful. But probably better to let them gather their own, objective information than you providing it AT them. Lots of ways to gather data.
Remember that caterpillars can fly if they just lighten up.
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Criticism so powerful when taken for positive improvements, important to use as betterment than negative emotions that can takeover ones role. Chin up steady the mainsails for a bumpy ride.
Another great piece Dan. One of my least favorite responses is, “You don’t know the politics involved; I do and that’s why I act this way.” Really?! Scott I love your caterpillar quote. Do you mind if I borrow it?
I sometimes thing if you aren’t impacted by the politics you’re either:
Right at the top and you make them;
Right at the bottom and everything falls on you;
or
Not really grasping how much trouble you’re getting yourself into…
Excellent questions. Leaders should ask for what the participants say or hear, what the impact was on them, what the leader could have done differently. This way the leader understands the emotional impact on the staff and has a suggestion on what to do differently
An aide can be the leader informing the meeting facilitator/chairperson that he/she will be seeking feedback.
They can spend a few minutes prior to the meeting aligning on what the person inquiring is really trying to discern, what they are trying to learn.. and the facilitator can (should) keep the group pointing in the right path.
I believe these questions need to be asked and so I encourage this – but not without some boundary awareness — a meeting can become a quagmire, especially if there is some pent-up negativity toward the leader in a disproportionally vocal person!
I’m not encouraging a leader to avoid feedback, even tough questions, I’m encouraging him/her to respect meeting context and the maturity/responsibility of the group.
Once I was invited to assist a troubled project and help closing it. Once I started analyzing, then figured out that communication among the team and stakeholders was not up to the level it should be. The general manager fired up immediately and asked me to leave and provide my CV before continuing the work. Guess what, I never came back!
Now, they are internally trying to resolve the issue. I hope it will work for them, but if not they will most likely going to call me again, there is no other person assigned for this task in my region.
I was kind of, what I said wrong. I just started, first observation, let us discuss. People behavior is unpredictable. People positions and ranks in the organization don’t means maturity.
It is critical to put the opportunity to provide feedback into your own, and your company’s, DNA. It must be an inherent part of who you are. It’s critical for the team I’m on because we are a sales team and it is absolutely imperative we have the ability to diagnose where we did well and where we can improve, as individuals and as a team.
We ask our leaders to use and model a simple coaching process which creates an immediate feedback loop. It starts with a positive – “tell me what you did well”. We then follow-up with good questions to get deeper into what they did well – “Sounds like you really prepped for that meeting. Tell me more about what you did to prepare.”. You end this part with your own observations about what they did great.
Once this has been established you can then ask how them to self-critique – “You did a great job there. What’s on your mind as you think about going from great to even greater?”. Again, ask questions for clarity – “You say you struggled with connecting with so and so. Share with me what you are doing to get that relationship moving forward.” You then add your own observation or two about where there is room for improvement.
The key is the positive has to outweigh the negative. If you have a big laundry list of things they need to improve it becomes demoralizing in a hurry.
Finally, we role play scenarios (we call it “real play”) so leaders and team members are well practiced, we model the expected behaviours (one of the people who reports to me performed this review/coaching process on me as I walked off the stage after presenting to the whole team – how awesome is that!) and we embed this in performance management expectations.
You want to frustrate your teams? Talk about it and then do nothing. Want to mobilize and empower them? State your vision and follow through; aligning actions with your words.
I find asking it in this way:
1. What would be the best outcome possible
2. Where are we against that outcome on a scale of 1-8
3. They then give a score
4. What makes it that score currently
5. What could we do next to take up a level
In that way people are focusing on the solution and not all the problems