Seven Ways to Rise by Letting Go
Frustration is hoping for change while clinging to the past.
The first step into your future is letting go of what stopped working.
6 ways to know you R.U.S.T.E.D. and it’s time to let go:
You know its time to change, but you just keep hanging on.
- Restless – something needs to change. Desperation grows.
- Uncertainty – old strategies aren’t working as expected.
- Stuck – feeling the walls closing in, but uncertain about next steps.
- Troubled – frustration from running on a treadmill and getting nowhere.
- Exploited – trapped by the career you loved. People depend on you.
- Disconnected – isolation that results from ignoring your frustration.
Great leadership begins with letting go of behaviors that don’t lead to greatness.
7 ways to find success by letting go:
- Accept the darkness. You’re supposed to be happy, but you aren’t. Accept it.
- Ask negative circumstances, “What are you teaching me?”
- Connect with people who are transparent, tough, and tender. When you’re stuck, you need someone who has developed them self and who can help you confront the brutal facts with tenderness. Avoid fixers.
- Don’t blame others for your disappointing present. Finger-pointing solidifies the past.
- Focus on things within your control, even if they’re small.
- Press forward with imperfect clarity.
- Monitor energy. Do what gives you energy, not what drains it.
The ability to let go enhances your ability to develop teams, organizations, and yourself.
4 signs you’re not ready to let go:
- Talking with the same people in the same way. Some relationships congeal the past.
- Language that focuses on “don’t want” and “don’t like.”
- Closing down rather than opening up.
- Pretending you’re happy.
Note: Don’t reject long-term relationships, unless they reject you. Just add new.
Letting go, like releasing sandbags from hot-air balloons, lets you rise.
What “letting go” tips do you suggest?
What warning do you have about letting go?
Good post Dan. I suppose a warning could be: “the grass is not always greener on the other side”.
When we’re feeling stuck, moving in a different direction can sometimes have consequences we don’t realize.
Thanks Jeff. Powerful and important addition to the conversation. The frustration we feel with our circumstances is often frustration with ourselves. OUCH!
I like the point regarding being okay with imperfect. Also, I think we have to look at what does “let go” mean? Sometimes its walking away, other times its reviewing what you’ve been doing and recommitting with a different approach.
Thanks Barry. I really like the idea that letting go is recommitting with a different approach. I find it descriptive of my own journey.
Jeff, reminds me of a similar phrase, “The grass is always greener where you water it”. The first time I heard that was a HUGE aha moment for me!
Huh, ‘Thanks’ Liza
Sounds to me like being born with a ‘Green-Thumb’ definitely has it’s advantages,,,
Thanks for sharing
Good post, Dan, but this is powerful: “Don’t reject long-term relationships, unless they reject you. Just add new.” I think this concept can’t be emphasized too much. Those relationships are still important even if you have moved on. Be well.
Thanks Steven. Every time I post like this, I get concerned that readers might think I’m suggesting we jettison long-term relationships. I’m glad you picked up on this. Just because we aren’t getting where we want, doesn’t give us the right to blame others. I’m so thankful for the long-term friendships in my life. They have stuck with me, even as I’ve worked through my own roadblocks.
I find it stimulating to stay in touch with anyone with whom I have shared what I call “mind hours,” even if the term “friendship” is a stretch. We each continue to change in subtle (and not so subtle ways) and the conversation just gets richer. As for blame, there is no blame. There is only do or don’t do.
There’s a great deal of truth in the statement, “Sometimes, it feels so good to just stop hitting your head against the wall.” BUT then the follow-up steps are so important. I have found personally and have suggested to anyone who listens that it really helps to stop trying to solve that frustrating problem or hurdle or situation facing you AND concentrate on what is preventing you from making progress. I have found that, more often than not, once I’ve identified the roadblock, the path forward is much more clear!!!
Very thought provoking post Dan!
It occurs to me that this post is equally applicable whether the reader is the one who needs to change, or the one who needs to mentor another through change.
Trying to help someone realize this perspective could itself be an effort in frustration though!
Thanks Mark. Yes, I write from both perspectives. I’ve been down this path and enjoy helping others as well. It seems like you do as well.
“Confront the brutal facts…” made me think of Jim Collins’ book, Good to Great. For the purposes of self-development and personal growth in leadership, I like your version better – do it with tenderness. Remembering to forgive oneself is as important, if not more important, as not placing blame on others (if you don’t want to burn yourself out!)
Thanks for another great post. : )
Thanks Dr. Pinzon. Yes, the first time I read “confront the brutal facts,” was in Good to Great. Since then, I’ve come to appreciate the importance of touchness and tenderness as something to keep together.
Your addition of forgiveness is powerful. Unforgiveness, blame, and bitterness are terrible weights that hold us back. It seems that moving forward requires forgiveness.
Thank you for putting in the “signs you’re not ready to let go”, Dan.
Most people, I believe, have good intentions. It’s in the evaluating/planning/executing stages that their default programming comes in and the disconnect between intentions and the rest begins to grow.
I also believe most people to not identify themselves as being this way and need some benchmarks to help them recognize they aren’t ready.
The danger in marching ahead without this awareness is the increase in probability that efforts will be more centered around “being right” than around progressing forward,
Thanks Michelle. Your insightful comment reminds me that good intention isn’t enough, if it was, we’d all be where we want to be and do what we want to do.
The danger of “being right” can’t be over-emphasized in this conversation. We hang on too long because we can’t be wrong.
Good morning Dan
” K A – C H I N G “, regardless who rises higher than who, or how high you rise personally, “it is in letting go that a leader ‘Really Knows’ the full capacity & impact of his leadership.” Letting go removes barriers, letting go say’s “I trust you”. People that receive the consistent support of a trusting leader consistently produce better results. With those ‘Barriers down’, people engage the leader differently, inhibitions aren’t so intimidating, Critical Thinking seems effortless, overcoming problems & finding solutions becomes standard practice.
“Wow”, sorry I gota go Dan. Got a follow-up appointment @ 2:30
I’ll be back to see the conversation later. (BREAKING DOWN BARRIERS), Corporate barriers,their barriers, ‘YOUR’ barriers. It sounds like a ‘no-brainer’ but a lot of leaders waste a lot of time and energy trying to do it all, ‘and fail’.
Break down those barriers, let your teams go, watch your teams grow …
Thanks SGT. I’m glad you poked at the idea that rising higher doesn’t have to be about comparing ourselves with others. Nicely done. Trust the follow up when well.
– maybe the most difficulty, we have to let go is our self ignorance!
Big Question: “Question Authority?!”
Vocation to live has a lot to do with responsibility and courage.
And with the release of all that’s stopping you turn to put your true power
In life, we are particularly faced with what we hinder in us / block
That’s Mostly our naked self (nudity) – the shame and our true light,
to show you with what you (really) are.
We have sympathetic and unsympathetic traits in us
– the more we focus on the constructive and positive sides
– integrate the weaknesses and fear and / or transform, the more
we can get in our own strength.
The process of letting go – is to me
– more like a kind of transformation!
A change of opposites in harmony and / or silence
– they are force from the inner source.
What I do not have to fight for, with that I can serve others
and also use it for my self be!
Beneficial be (serve) = may be an innate gift!
Go before (someone / higher goal) with spiritual guidance and help.
Perform duties or services for (another person or organization to)
at least for all together and for me (Back Flip / Feedback / Impact / Effect) 🙂
No way out.
Go through your fear – there is no way out.
Instead of fear, you will reach the feeling you´re saved!
Till we don´t feel, we are how we are meant,
we search for something!
This search is endless and senseless!
Look outside …
the opposite is to invert – to reverse …
Identification and acceptance
– to build a kind of bridge from inside to outside
(… between Heaven and Earth 🙂
There are many creative ways (to recollect your self )
– all are the Question of authority, such as making money
while bringing benefits into the world
– more beauty, awareness, happiness and other needed benefits.
Definition – recognition and authority:
the action or process of recognizing or being recognized,
in particular our identification (recollection)
acknowledgment, acceptance, admission, realization, consciousness,
knowledge, appreciation, wisdom, cognizance, approval, certification,
accreditation, endorsement, validation /gratitude, realization …
The “Inner Credit” are our talents and second
– we are born with a inner gift (…1. 2. 3.)
but is it true that they must fit and be the base for our working solution?
Diversity and letting go,
seems to be in the first moment like a non-logically way to think and act.
Is this true or has it a totally different meaning?
It´s not the opposite. OK. Yes.
You can no longer live in the avoidance.
You’ll lively, alert, free,
but it is so called in the radical self-responsibility.
we have first to let go our (self) ignorance
and find back love and trust in live – and in our true self
… and what it means to feel guided by ourself!
If we feel our self “saved” – we don´t must fight
and can receive – be open!
Each search – is a run away from our true self.
Dan, thanks for your insights.
Best greetings to you – beate
Thanks Beate. The term “transformation” jumped out at me in your comment. While writing this post, I kept wanting to use it. I’m glad it spoke to you and your added your insights.
We live in a polar world …
I think the word “release” often implies the approach that we want to get rid
of something and/or we want to throw anything away!
I believe that the approach can be seen with the “TRANSFORMATION”
that the process is to change more likely something to do with!
even if it is only our attitude and/or our dealing with something.
We transform something and integrate it as belonging to us, so that only
changed the weighting – or the release of a fixation
– and/or the release of an exaggerated attachment such as greed, addiction
– even if it is for example only would the desire for recognition! 😉
It is indeed mostly just an imbalance (ACTION / REACTION = RESONANCE)
something has slipped out of harmony in disharmony.
A changed view of the release – gives us another insight and wisdom,
and methods and possibilities for transformation.
Thank you Dan – for the appreciation.
Great article. I love the focus on letting go of our own BEHAVIORS that are holding us back. Too often I see leaders “letting go” because it’s just too hard to push through; we want the easy button. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up but knowing your leadership path and owning your choices and behaviors that are preventing growth. As a leader, I think it’s important to recognize the importance of relationships without using them as an excuse for why we can’t move forward. Thanks!
Thanks Rebecca. You brought clarity to an essential point. Letting go isn’t giving up. In reality, letting go is pressing forward. Your comment helped me.
Learn from experience and use the past experience to candidly move forward. Articulate future behaviour to make a change into positive actions.
Love it!! Thanks for the continued encouragement and leadership input!