One of the Biggest Shifts in Leadership
Regret with the end, hurts more than dissatisfaction at the beginning. Disappointment is realizing the cheese moved.
- You don’t want what you wanted.
- You aren’t getting where you want to go.
- You don’t like who you’ve become.
When you’re disappointed with yourself, it doesn’t matter what others say.
The shift:
You begin thinking one way, but end up thinking another.
- You thought you would be in charge, but you’re putting others in charge.
- You thought leadership was about you, but it’s about others.
- You thought it was about control, but you found it’s about release.
- You thought it was about giving, but now you need to receive.
Surprisingly, kindness is the grease that shifts your thinking.
Kindness is simply being useful to another.
Receive and enjoy:
One of the biggest shifts in leadership is finding you must receive. When you don’t receive kindness, you tell others they don’t matter.
Arrogance makes you minimize the kindnesses of others. You’re afraid of enjoying kindness, it might make you look needy or weak.
An open hand gives and receives. An open heart is a full life.
Influence:
Received kindness, not coercion, is influence. Benjamin Franklin said, “He that has done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”
Three ways to receive kindness and extend influence:
- Say thank you with gusto. “Wow! Thanks so much.”
- Explain how much you enjoy an act of kindness.
- Publicly share the kindnesses of others.
Three kindness tips:
- You go further with others. Leaders who give all the time end up with nothing to give. Nothing limits leaders more than believing they can succeed on their own.
- Adopt a short-term view. Don’t reject long-term planning, but focus more on kindness today.
- One small kindness doesn’t solve all your challenges. Enjoy it anyway.
How might leaders learn to receive and enjoy kindness from others?
Dan it’s truly true.
Really it would help leadership in resolving team related issue’s which are more belong to emotional curve. Leadership and curve of kindness varies many a times and such contrast makes team and creates team, when you are applying at right moment.
Concern is, in professional set up leaders many times forget this nominal investment leads to internal issues , attrition or people feel ignored.
High Emotional attitude with reasonably ok IQ helps in creating big business centers and helps leaders in solidifying teams.
But needs conscious efforts ………
Crazy
Thanks Crazy. The impression I get from your comment is that building relationships that strengthen teams includes both giving and receiving kindness from each other.
Cheers
I thought I was crazy. Your translation was helpful, but I kind of thought he was saying a high EI with less actually IQ is what is needed and exists in today’s (newer) big businesses – all types.I can’t see this- though I do believe a combination of EI, IQ and street smarts is needed to survive in the work world, as any type of leader.
Dan when my old public firm got into financial trouble I learned this lesson on passing on your knowledge.
The long time Treasurer was a few years from retirement but chose to leave early knowing the firm needed new people to get through a multi-year restructuring process with unhappy lenders. For several months, he took myself as the new CFO and our newly appointed Treasurer to New York City to personally introduce us to everyone he knew. He was extremely kind to two new people he barely knew but it was the perfect exit for him and a truly priceless introduction for us. That is unselfish Leadership as I am sure you would agree.
Brad
Brad James, author The Business Zoo
Thanks Brad. Your comment speaks to me. It’s so practical and humble.
Small leaders protect their turf. Kind leaders hang on loosely. Love it.
To me, kindness is simply common sense for anyone… You may totally disagree with another on politics, sports teams, food favorites, life style, whatever. There is no excuse for any interactions other that ones grounded in kindness. (Sure would appreciate this among politicians and in congress and legislatures!!!)
Of course, there’s the ‘elephants in the room’ – thugs seeking injury or worse and war combatants. There’s another dynamic involved here of course. But we all read of the occasional acts of kindness… Something for further Consideration
As I read this post, this caught my eye: “Kindness is simply being useful to another.” What a truly wonderful was to define it – common sense, regardless of viewpoints involved!!!
Thanks John. I so appreciate you insights. “There is no excuse for any interactions other that ones grounded in kindness.” So true. This applies especially when issues are important and opinions are at odds with each other.
I’d say we can’t let the thugs be the reason we use kindness as a guiding principle. 🙂
Cheers
Good post
Thank you Dan,
Being a serbant leader and learning to grow by releasing and giving control changed our company and me personally in profound ways.
My approach has always been kindness, and sincere kindness, because people can always spot the fake…being kind sometimes get misunderstood in Scandinavia…its like faking…not for me, I say if I mean it…however I get suspicious if someone is overkind to me…what if they do not mean it?
Letting go of control is the toughest part though, its about trust….how much do we trust others, how kind can we afford to be towards them so our kindness does not get misused, can we trust them? Why are we so afraid of trusting? Have we had so many bad experiences? Does it gets worse the higher up in the ranks we are?
Hi Anita and Dan, maybe that is your gut instinct? Don’t ignore it, rather allow it to be a compass of where you have been, and more so…where you want to go. Meaning, you have learned this lesson before, allow it to resonate again, and continue to move on …with kindness.
As leaders, what we do is teach and lead by example; we must have faith when it is time to ‘let go’ and trust that the seeds we have planted will take root. Being kind sometimes takes strength and, it certainly is not being naïve. Remember, other People are on their own journey’s too…they are learning. You may simply be a seed they WILL sew. Let it go.
a great inspiration for broken hearts. I’m really inspired.