How to Get Your Head Out of Your You-Know-What
Self-absorbed leaders unintentionally trivialize the people around them.
Don’t expect extraordinary performance from people you devalue and disrespect.
If you’re really that important, make others feel valued.
People who feel respected are more likely to behave in remarkable ways.
One V.P. I coach left his cell phone behind for an entire day in order to give his undivided attention to a new member of his team. Another coaching client, a Director of HR, leaves his cell phone in the office when he goes to meetings.
Pulling your phone out every few minutes might make you feel important, but it trivializes those around you. I recently read that the presence of a cell phone on the table lowers the quality of relationships around the table.
Make arrangements for emergencies if you leave your phone behind. Provide the name of someone who can contact you. Let others know where you are.
7 cost free ways to make people feel valued:
Simple behaviors have profound impact.
- Reflect on the qualities and behaviors you admire about the person speaking to you. (Don’t forget to listen while you do this.)
- Go to people. Don’t expect them to always come to you.
- Jot notes when others talk. Sir Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin Group, is a voracious note taker.
- Apologize, even if it isn’t all your fault.
- Relax. Calmness of spirit tells others they matter.
- Ask, “What do you think?” Good questions elevate the status of others.
- Walk around the office at the end of the day saying ‘thank you’. Point out something they did well.
If you want to lead people, get your head out of your you-know-what. Make people feel valued for their hard work, contribution, and character.
Who made you feel valued? What did they do?
Thank you for this! It’s beautiful and music to my ears, I especially like going around and saying thank you to people at the end of the day. Taking notes while others are talking is good, but can be a bit tricky if they don’t want what’s being said to leave the room. Nevertheless….I get the point of the action.
I call this Cranial Anal Co-location Symdrome
On cell phones: I agree completely, cell phones can devalue in many ways We have an agreement in our company. No cell phones in meetings, none on the table; leave it behind or in your pocket or purse.
Sidenote: I have also.bought my nephews watches with the advice….A watch elevates style and checking your watch means you are respectful and aware of time; checking the time on your cell phome……are you? Even if you are, most people would believe otherwise
I was just having this conversation this morning on how managers hire someone then leave them alone to do their job with no interaction during the day. Managers are too busy with the management part of their job they tend to forget the personal aspect.
Lewis – there are statistics that show that managers have MORE contact with their remote workers than they have with the people who share office space with them. This stuff goes pretty deep into issues of trust and respect and comfort and similar. And the stats on engagement show so many people are dis-engaged because they are NOT aligned to workplace goals and objectives. Performance feedback systems pretty much suck, too.
As we start rapidly implementing artificial intelligence and robotics in so many different kinds of workplaces, we are going to see massive change, so much of it unpredictable because we simply do not have good communications between people now, even.
SOLID STUFF. Good thinking points.
It is sadly funny to see 5 people at a dinner table and each one is looking at their phones. Similarly, 10% of managers ON VACATION check their phones at least once an hour.
WHAT ARE THE IMPACTS OF THIS ON SOCIETY, one wonders. (Yeah, I AM shouting that one. Can’t we simply choose to communicate, like, with our lips and lungs?)
Maybe I can design an app that gives people an electric shock when their phones are used more than once in what GPS shows to be a restaurant. Maybe make it a mandatory app designed into all the operating systems.
Paying attention to your direct reports and remembering details about their lives makes a huge difference.
When I was in a leadership role, I had to give my direct reports a review. One of them was chronically late and fairly disengaged, but when he did his work, it was always very good.
I also knew that he liked the Dodgers and the Raiders, even though I don’t follow sports.
For my review, I booked time in a conference room. I started off with the positive, talked a little sports, spent time discussing the negatives, then showed him a path to improvement in his career and professional life.
It took a full 30 minutes. His previous managers had just given two minute reviews, mostly negative.
He told me he was blown away. I suspect he had never experienced what it was like for a trained leader to guide him. He got very serious about his job and earned several promotions over the next few years.
We have folks who suffer bouts of Cranial-Rectal Inversion (CRI). The sure clue the inversion has occurred is when someone who is normally pretty positive displays a “crappy” outlook…..
As the research shows, good talent leave because of bad management, not the company. On the wellness side of things, leaders that do not visible model a culture of wellness and respect are left with teams of people that are, for the most part, disengaged.
Thank you for raising such good points. I am strong advocate for using technology but encourage people to think more about how they use/control technology rather then technology controlling the individual. If you can minimise the distractions you can definitely drive great and positive interactions, therefore building improved and effective communication.