One Strategy to Pop the Cork on Stress
It’s great to have someone show interest in you.
A friend, Richard Croad from New Zealand, just asked about highlights I have experienced over the last couple years.
Lot’s of highlights come to mind. Visiting Ireland and London, talking with some of the smartest leadership experts in the world, and traveling with my wife all come to mind.
The most satisfying experience is a shift in approach that’s evolved over the years.
I’m not sure when it happened, but I show up differently than I did in the past.
Leadership Freak blog is a little over eight years old. I’ve been traveling and speaking for about seven years. My concerns have changed in a way that cause greater satisfaction.
Worry more about liking people and less about being liked.
I show up to like people. In the past I showed up worrying if people liked me. Now, when I meet people at speaking engagements, I find something to like about them.
It feels good to forget – at least a little – about myself and appreciate others. Not long ago, I visited a client just to let them know I liked them. It felt great.
Showing up to like people pops the cork on the pressure to be liked. It’s joyful and freeing.
- Notice something good about everyone you meet.
- A focus on faults and weaknesses feels like dislike.
- When you correct, confront, coach, or instruct, do it with with a forward-facing approach. Turn people toward what they could do. That feels like you like them.
- When someone volunteers a bit of personal information, honor it. They aren’t sharing so you can outdo them.
- People tend to like you when you like them.
If Richard asked you for one of your highlights over the past few years, what would you say?
Serving on a board that allowed me to meet outstanding leaders, allowing me to develop personal relationships and lifelong friendships. Leadership is about relationships and learning from the best. I’ve been able to learn from the best.
What a powerful truth. Someone said, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”
Thanks Dan, I’m definitely humbled with the mention and that I was able to provoke this reflection – after all you were the one who taught me to ask better questions! If you asked me I’d say it is knowing I’ve grown and not regressed as a person. for that, to use your own words this morning/evening, I’m truly thankful.
Thank you again for the wonderful connection we’ve had over all your blogging years.
Thanks Richard. It was great to reconnect with you. Thanks for the inspiration.
Growing as a person reminds me of Hesselbein’s definition of leadership. Leadership is a matter of how to be, not how to do.
Great read. I just came across you blog. I look forward to to reading more.
Thanks Nicolas. Best wishes.
When we worry about being liked, it’s usually because we do not like ourselves enough. How can we possibly care for others when we do not care for ourselves? Being kinder and more compassionate toward “yours truly” has a collective impact. I would add that liking others authentically is so important. When, with an ulterior motive in mind, we pretend to like others, they feel it. And it feels awful! Finally, when you disagree with others, be curious — ask powerful questions with the conscious intention to better understand — rather than judge. “Like attracts like!”
Thanks Kim. I’m not qualified to make that diagnosis, but it makes sense.
I think judging is stressful too, both for the one being judged and the one doing it.
This was a great article…. although, I thought at first it had something to do with champagne!
Thanks Lisa…. A little champagne might make us better leaders! 😉
Keeping the “STA ” going has been my challenge, as you know we are all volunteers, its been nice making all the contacts with people, sharing knowledge with the group and others, some individuals developing business relationships and others with friendships that seem to last a lifetime.
Thank you for pushing me to become more external with others!
Thanks Tim. It seems that getting outside ourselves is helpful to finding fulfillment. Best for the future.
One highlight for me would be attending one of the Barry Wehmiller University courses called “Our Community Listens”. This course really changed how I communicate with people around me, including my family members. I have a better relationship with co-works and family members as a result.
Wonderful information and insight. Thank you for sharing.