Frustrated with Others But Comfortable with Yourself

It’s dangerous to evaluate others and affirm yourself.

Self-affirmation – apart from self-evaluation – is the beginning of self-deception and the end of self-development.

It’s perverse to give yourself a hand and give others the shoe.

Scrutinize your own leadership with more intensity and frequency than you evaluate others. Don’t beat yourself down. Just work on yourself, more than you work on others.

A little success can make you believe you’re better at leading than you are.


I’ve never had anyone say, “Leaders improve their leadership,” when I ask, “What do leaders do?” I hear things like:

  1. Influence.
  2. Persuade.
  3. Cast vision.
  4. Build teams.
  5. Set goals.
  6. Lead meetings.
  7. Delegate.
  8. Have tough conversations – confront and correct.
  9. Give constructive feedback.
  10. Hold people accountable.
  11. Celebrate progress.
  12. Respect people.
  13. Believe in people.
  14. Recognize and honor people.
  15. Empower people.
  16. Challenge people.
  17. Encourage people.
  18. Take responsibility.
  19. Mentor and coach.
  20. Hire.
  21. Fire.
  22. Promote.
  23. Teach and train.
  24. Care.
  25. Trust.

Be sure to include “Self-development” on the list of things leaders do.


You can do well and neglect self-development.

Natural talent, appearance, fortunate circumstances, and talented team members seduce you into believing you’re better at leading than you are.

It’s easy to be frustrated with others and comfortable with yourself.

Practical suggestions:

#1. Ego makes you believe OTHERS need to improve, but you don’t. If this is you, repeat after me, “I’m not as good at leading as I think I am.”

#2. Be a three-eyed beast. Keep two eyes on yourself and one eye on others. Ask yourself, “Where could I improve?” Better yet, ask others.

#3. Begin your day by defining how you want to show up. Who is your best self? How might you bring your best self to work with you?

I’ll never forget seeing Ken Blanchard taking notes on the front row of a conference in West Palm Beach.

What needs to be added to the list of things leaders do?

How might leaders persistently practice self-development?