The Ability to Say NO is the Power to do What Matters
You can’t say YES to everything and excel at anything.
Most people don’t enjoy saying NO to their boss, colleagues, or employees. But a world without ‘NO’ is filled with distraction, chaos, frustration, and burnout.
Internal:
Pressure to say YES is ultimately about you, even when your boss is a pushy jerk. You’re a people-pleaser. Maybe urgencies have replaced values. (We’ve all been there.)
Only those who know who they are can say NO with grace.
The ability to say NO is the power to create, pursue, and protect priorities.
Too many yeses:
Maybe it’s good to feel bad about saying NO.
Feeling bad about saying NO reflects your desire to please, to get ahead, to be supportive, and to contribute.
Realize …
You aren’t serving well when saying YES dilutes impact, distracts focus, and lowers quality of work.
Saying YES when you should say NO means:
- Someone else controls your calendar.
- Follow-through is crisis management.
- Current urgencies replace priorities.
- Planned results get pushed to back burners.
- Quality of work goes down. You either do a few things well or you do nothing well.
- Foot-dragging becomes a strategy for self-expression.
- You feel powerless.
The inability to say NO creates helplessness, misery, and dissatisfaction. When you can’t say NO, you find passive aggressive strategies to control your schedule.
7 ways to say NO like a leader:
- Have a reputation for being helpful, flexible, and hardworking.
- Before you say YES, ask for a deadline. Sometimes we impose unnecessary time pressure on ourselves.
- Explain your current projects and say, “I’m concerned about getting things done on time. Could you help me understand your priorities?”
- Be kind, even if it feels awkward. Defensiveness makes you harsh.
- Declare your intention to be a YES-Person.
- Learn how to delegate effectively.
- Be calm, but firm.
What prevents people from saying NO?
What suggestions do you have for saying NO like a leader?
I would say that the biggest thing preventing people from saying “No” is having your card marked as not being a team player/not being fully committed to the cause etc.
Thanks Mitch. Good one. I suppose that’s why a reputation for being helpful is essential.
I’ll never forget how miserable it was for me to say NO to my boss. I wanted to be the YES person on our team, but had to say NO. I’d worked for her for several years. Eventually, I got to NO. Frankly, she didn’t like it.
I’m wondering how leaders create environments where it’s safe to say NO?
Great conversation. I am not sure it is actually saying No, but setting boundaries for what can be completed effectively if Yes is the desired outcome,
We don’t want ourselves our or teams to become known as the team of NO, because then we don’t have to worry about it as no one will be asking us to do anything/working around us. However, if we can, to your point Dan ask questions about priorities and needs, perhaps it is more of a Not Now, or Not Me/Us.
Saying NO to your boss is never something you ‘want’ to do. Of course, we don’t want to appear as though we can’t handle everything, even in the times that we are feeling completely overwhelmed with workload.
When I know I need to tell my boss ‘NO’, it’s not a NO, rather a “I want to complete this project with my full attention and give it the due diligence it deserves so I am asking if this project is something you would be okay with me pushing back until (deadline that fits my ability to complete it with my full attention)? I have many exciting opportunities that are in motion right now that I want to give 100% to. Please let me know if you have concerns and we can make a plan to complete it successfully.”
Saying “No” sometimes depends on the current status of the players in the eyes of the Team Leader. If it’s someone currently finding great favor in the eyes of the Team Leader — “No” will probably be accepted. If it’s someone out of favor — a “No” will likely be taken as justification for the less than favorable status. Saying ‘Yes’ — particularly in H.R. — seems almost the mandate, therefore offering options: delays, partnerships, creative solutions etc. — needs to be part of the discussion..
Perhaps having to say, “No,” can be better managed by upward timely and meaningful information flows. Status and progress reports provided to the function leader who is accountable for the overall work plan can go a long way toward eliminating the need to say, “No.”. Well thought out plans for guiding individual work flows become factual data to validate intensity of work; how much work needs be completed by when? Priority Setting is a primary function of the Manager of a work process. When asked the question, “Can you take on this new project?”, being able to respond with facts enables a worker to ask the Manager to set the priority. “What do you want me to stop in order for me to accept new work?”
That is outstanding Russel.
SGT Steve
This was a bullseye for me today as I often feel guilty if I say No. I want to be helpful and lead if needed – but it is necessary to protect one’s time, effectiveness, and stress levels. I do find it helpful to ask questions for clarifying time lines, the amount of support or assistance that can be expected, and like Russell said in an earlier comment – what can I stop doing to do this? Sometimes I say yes with some parameters which helps clarify for the other person my needs too. I also find if I wait before saying yes, sometimes it allows others the opportunity to step up. People often assume the “yes” person will just do it so they don’t need to worry about it. Ultimately, saying “I want to help but just can’t at this time or I can only take a smaller role” is hard but necessary for the health of the Yes person and the organization as well. Oh and there is that thing of asking for help or support. Yes people often just take on the task without asking others to help – perpetuating the dependency that the organization/others has on the Yes person. I’m getting better at this.
Very good layout of how and not how to say no. This is a good summary, “The ability to say NO is the power to create, pursue, and protect priorities.”. Be firm and calm is the icing on the cake. I’ve found as I get older it’s easier to say no in all the ways noted above and I’m able to get more done and in a better manner. Saying no in these ways allows me to control my work and life and be better at my craft while not allowing those that attempt to manipulate to do so.
Two things came to mind as I was reading this. First, sometimes instead of saying “no” I would ask if I could put a team together and work with others in order to get accomplished what needed to be done. This took the complete load off of me and helped bring some who were sitting on the “outskirts” of things a little closer to the middle of things.
After saying “yes” many times when I shouldn’t have, I discovered that I needed to evaluate my own tasks and spend some time on what my own efforts needed to be in order to accomplish my list of “to do’s.” This caused me to be more organized and helped me set boundaries which in turn would help me say “no.”
I must mention though that I often worked in an environment where “no” was not an acceptable answer. It was assumed I would do the tasks. This meant I needed to recruit others; sometimes it meant some longer hours, etc. It also meant I pushed back some of my own deadlines.
What prevents people from saying NO? To avoid unnecessary conflict and bad feelings with one’s superior.
I am learning to say YES , Positive thinking, Leadership & Time Management
No means no.
I can’t remember who said it but “The power of ‘no’ is found in a stonger ‘yes.'” Not being able to say “no” means our priority is not clear.
If you always say “yes” you aren’t letting other people have a chance to use their talents.
I am a “yes” person. I know it. I acknowledge that I must work at being ok with saying “no” sometimes. I was shaking my head saying, “uh-oh, this is me” while reading the list of what happens when you don’t say no when you should have. For me, there are a few reasons I struggle with saying no:
1. I love helping others.
3. I enjoy using my skill set.
4. Most of all, I do not want to miss future opportunities to say yes.