Leadership Derailers: Blind Spots – I’m So Awesome
I’m so awesome!
There are a dozen yellow roses on the counter in our house. I bought them for my bride. Frankly, she receives flowers much more than on Valentine’s Day. I’m a fabulous husband!
I wonder why she’s upset with my harsh tone. “Wake up and smell the roses, baby!”
Blind spot thinking:
If roses don’t compensate for harsh tones, I’m not going to give her roses. Never mind that roses are supposed to be about love, not credits to cover future offenses.
You might expect people to bow down because you did something good. From your point of view, the Christmas bonus of ’82 should compensate for today’s unrealistic expectations. Those ungrateful minions!
Blind spot = good is stronger than bad:
Bad is stronger than good, EXCEPT when it comes to the bad YOU do. You overvalue the good you do and underappreciate the impact of the bad you do.
When you do bad, others should overlook it.
Internal self-evaluation tips in your favor. You deserve more appreciation. People should give you more slack. After all, you’re a good person. You’re trying to help.
Get real about blind spots:
You’re not as great as you think, and others aren’t as bad as you think. (Yes, there are exceptions. But you aren’t one.)
Repeat after me…
- I’m pushy, even though I think I’m a fuzzy teddy bear.
- I come off as grumpy, when I think I’m smiling.
- I’m not as open as I proclaim.
- My quick bursts of frustration are inexcusable.
- I bore people when I blab on and on. I should probably talk less and listen more by a factor of 1:5.
Stop using the good to excuse the bad.
Tip: The next time someone gently mentions something you might improve, magnify the intensity of their feedback by a factor of 50.
How might leaders underappreciate the impact of their negative qualities and behaviors?
What suggestions do you have for compensating for the “I’m awesome” problem?
Bonus Material:
Blind Spots that Plague Even the Best Leaders (FastCompany)
The Top 10 Leadership Blind Spots, and 5 Ways to Turn them into Strengths (Inc)
5 Leadership Blind Spots (and how to Overcome Them) (Business News Daily)
Thank you for this timely reminder. I’m doing annual reviews with my team and in part of that review I ask the individual to take some time (over the coming days) to think of a few ways I can improve. I’ll have to remember that any feedback I receive has likely been toned down…
Thanks again and great post!
Thanks David. Best wishes for your reviews and for your feedback.
David,
Great point about the feedback you are receiving from your team being toned down. Of course that makes sense, but I hadn’t thought of it so clearly. Thank you!
Thanks, Dan. This is very helpful to help me get a better picture of myself through the mirror of others.
Thanks Steve. It’s surprising, but we need others to help us see ourselves.
To be honest, I sometimes take correction or feedback and internalize it. Which causes undo stress on my team, my family and my supervisor. Often I am open to it but some days it hits me in a completely different fashion than others. Thanks for the reminder today, I am sure I’ll need it soon!
Thanks William. It’s true. We are a bit unpredictable, even to ourselves. I find that fatigue plays a big role in how I respond to most anything.
I like this and I’ve felt this. It’s not too challenging to get sucked into the “it’s not my problem” mindset. To feel, to expect people to appreciate the things you do. The challenge comes with “expecting”. If you do things because you want to, not because you expect it to be noticed or even appreciated it’s time to reconsider the outcomes of that perspective. I do realize this post is about more than this, but this is the nerve it struck me with today. Servant leadership at its core isn’t about titles or job duties. There are three components to it – 1. Leadership – doing, leading by example. 2. Being a servant – what can you do to help others? 3. Grace – by your example and your actions you will receive grace and it will be easier to extend grace to others. Our blind spots tend to come when we are too busy looking at the actions of others instead of looking at our own actions.
Thank you for this. I wanted to do some reflecting this morning and this was a great starter.
Thanks Michael. Your last sentence hits me. It’s easy, even natural for some of us, to focus on others and neglect self-reflection. Best for the journy
As awesome as I may be otherwise,
I’m only as good as my present failures, me thinks.
Always “work” on what you aren’t good at …
You’ll do what you are already good at anyway.
Thanks Rurbane. I appreciate your consistent contributions to the conversation. Your focus on what you aren’t good at runs counter to the strength based movement. However, there clearly are weaknesses that derail our leadership and we’re better off improving those areas. It will be unlikely that we’ll ever be really great at a weakness, but improving it may yield some benefits. (Especially if those weaknesses are in the area of interpersonal relationships.) thanks again.
Merely an expression of humility, me lord …
There are 5x opportunities to self-aggrandize under the cover of “relations.”
Your “repeat after me” 1-5 made me cringe and chuckle at the same time. All are so true! Thanks for pointing out our blind spots!
Thanks Sam. Glad you catch a bit of the light-heartedness that I often feel when I write these articles.
This is so much more than leadership advice. This is relationship advice. I’ll be checking my blind spots in the grocery line, on the highway, in the office, at the dinner table, before bed. Thanks for the great reminder – need it every day!
Thanks Kris. Yes! Those daily reminders make such a difference. Sometimes our hope for dramatic change gets in the way of those incremental steps.
Great post! The one that stuck with me was the reminder to assume that feedback, which is hard enough to get already, has likely been toned down. The harder it is for people to give me feedback, the more likely that it’s been toned down by a greater factor.
Thanks Glen. It doesn’t matter how warm and fuzzy I think I am. Most of the people who give me feedback are concerned about hurting my feelings or offending me…so they tone it down. Perhaps the best thing to do is amp up the intensity by a factor of 2.
PS Nice hat!
This one stands out for me; “My quick bursts of frustration are inexcusable”. I’ve learned NOT to burst my frustration OUT at all. I keep it in, walk it off, talk if off (to myself) than attempt to figure out HOW I can address it myself or with others. Strangely enough it works out well when I do this and does NOT work out well when I don’t take this pathway.
Thanks Roger. It’s funny how others don’t seem to get much value out of my outbursts. hmmm, what’s wrong with them??? 🙂
In Todd Whitaker’s book “What Great Principals Do Differently”, there was a great quote and I think of it often. “When the principal sneezes the building catches a cold.” I think that is true for any person in a position of leadership.
Thanks Lori. Love it!
Thanks! I needed my toes stepped on a bit today!
I had this conversation with someone yesterday: I HATE ROSES! He was curious to know why I had such a strong reaction to something so beautiful and innocent. When I informed him that I once dated a guy who would continuously “mess up” in the relationship and then buy me roses as an “apology,” he understood where I was coming from. So “If roses don’t compensate for harsh tones, I’m not going to give her roses” hit pretty hard when I read it. Likewise, I have been guilty of having blind spots and yes, I have expected for my wrongdoing to be overlooked in the past. Luckily, my maturity has kicked in and my self-eval and growth has slapped me in the face (which is a good thing).