5 Ways to Become a Gifted Adviser
An eager adviser is seldom sought-after.
A person who loves telling others what to do is blind to their own arrogance. An excited adviser needs advice.
5 Ways to become a gifted adviser:
#1. Succeed at enjoyment.
The essential aspect of success is enjoyment. Few seek killjoys for advice. Enjoyment occurs beyond happiness. Enjoyment makes you attractive.
You pursue happiness, but enjoyment energizes pursuit.
The basic aspects of success include talent, energy, opportunity, good fortune, and grit. Angel Duckworth says, “Grit is more important than talent.” Grit isn’t the source of endurance. Joy is.
#2. Like people.
People that don’t like people are over-committed to changing people.
4 ways to be a leader that likes people:
- Seek their success. See #1.
- Use language that builds up.
- Understand and seek to maximize their talent.
- Call them to bring their best.
#3. Commit to learning.
The best advice-givers excel at seeking advice.
If you want people to learn from you, learn from them.
Know-it-alls make lousy advisors. Value ideas. Explore options.
#3. Have a viewpoint. (sorry…misnumbered)
Think otherwise with an open spirit.
Useful advice shifts perspectives.
#4. Make space for reflection.
Busy people lose perspective and get lost in the weeds.
A person lost in the weeds loses sight of options. Skillful advisers build ladders people use to climb out of the weeds.
#5. Give choices, not commands.
You make infants of adults when you make decisions for them. Everyone who chooses their own path takes responsibility for their path.
The person who makes the decision assumes responsibility.
Tip: Skillful advisers help people make undramatic progress. The need for giant leaps destroys small opportunities. Growth is often perceived by looking back.
Which of the five ways to become a sought-after adviser seems most important?
What might you add to the above list?
The 4 Unbreakable Rules of Giving Advice that People Actually Respect
Wow! “The person who makes the decision assumes responsibility.” I really needed to hear that one, Dan. Thank you kindly! We all want to help others, but we steal the opportunity for others to help themselves sometimes, taking away additional things in the mix.
Thanks Karen. There seems to be a big difference between helping people and helping people help themselves.
Dear Dan,
An interesting thought-provoking post!
All 5 elements are essential for any good advisor/leader to get his view-points largely acceptable. Still, I feel the last point is crucial as people will prefer to work on any of the suggested choices with conviction. Commanding can boomerang and may not work with full heart.
In nutshell, a good human approach can push the right things across well.
Thank you Dr. Asher. People are more energized about the choices they make than the choices you make for them. 🙂
I think Point 3(the first #3 – you have two of them.. ) To become sought after :Commit to learning. when we “learn from them” they are more likely to seek as too for advice.
seek us I meant
Doh!! I see the two #3’s. Thanks for pointing that out. I’m not going to change it because your comment is based on missed numbering.
Great post, Dan. it reminds me that people don’t really care how much you know until they know how much your care! All the best.
Thanks Paul. That’s such a great line.
you make infants of adults when you make decisions for them… so true!
when a manager of mine made a decision for me that was not in the best interest of anyone involved except her I remember reverting back to a childhood memory of being disciplined by my father…. not at all motivating or encouraging.
I remember that feeling and how small and insignificant I felt, I work hard not to put my people in a position to feel that way. I hope I am succeeding!
Thanks Insignificant. It’s so easy to say things that invite people to feel small and insignificant. We should all realize that people who feel insignificant are less likely to make meaningful contribution.
“The person who makes the decision assumes responsibility….” and accountability rests with the team. Good post.
Tied to point #3, committed to learning, another key part of advising is seeking to understand WHY they are coming to you for advice. They may already know what they want and just need a push and vote of confidence in that direction OR they may be coming to you completely lost looking for direction and helping them see through the fog to their various options ahead of them. If they are completely lost once you help them find their footing, reference back here to point #5: Help them understand their options, but don’t force your choices on them.
I would love to send this to my new boss…
AL, you can lead the conversation with an upfront contract by saying something along the lines of your intended outcome before you start the conversation. This is very loose and can be tweaked, but here’s an example: “I need your help w. XYZ, and my hope (desired outcome) of this conversation is to get ABC from you. From there I can take your advice/feedback after our conversation and take time to digest it to come up with an outcome/next step that I’m comfortable/happy with, do you have a moment to provide me with a few options so I can walk away to make an informed decision?”
Then, if they start to push their opinion on you, you can reference back to the contract and say, “like I said, for now I just need to pick your brain” or something that references back what you lead with and your original intention that you were upfront about.
Not sure this is relevant, but hope it helps. Look up “upfront contracts” they’re a must have for any sales conversation.