Half-Done Compassion
I often read poetry at night. I think I feel things better when the day is done.
Robert Frost:
The Road Not Taken and Other Poems: (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition), Robert Frost.
This collection has many poems I enjoy over and over like a child on a teeter totter. I think it’s because I’m delighted with anyone who writes feelings with words.
From Mending Wall:
He only says, “Good fences make good neighbors.”
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
“Why do they make good neighbors?”
Comment: The quote, “Good fences make good neighbors,” is usually misinterpreted. Frost saw no useful purpose for the fence between his neighbor and himself. The poem reflects frustration that he tried and failed to get through to his closed-minded neighbor.
Application: Barriers limit influence and require authoritarian leadership.
Practice: Show interest in people today. Realize relationships enable results.
From The Exposed Nest:
This poem describes a child finding an exposed bird’s nest on the ground after a field of hay was mown. A child and an adult prop some hay around the nest to create shade for the babies. Here’s the ending.
You had begun, and gave them back their shade.
All this to prove we cared. Why is there then
No more to tell? We turned to other things.
I haven’t any memory – have you? –
Of ever coming to the place again
To see if the birds lived the first night through.
And so at last to learn to use their wings.
Comment: “We turned to other things.” I’m challenged to rise above half-done compassion.
Practice: It’s one thing to show compassion in the moment. The real challenge is to follow-up a few days later by asking, “How did that turn out?”
How has receiving compassion changed you?
How might you express whole-hearted compassion today?
Still curious:
How to Show Compassion and Get Results
Bullies aren’t Strong and Compassion isn’t Weak
Better Culture Starts With Compassionate Leadership
Thank you very much, Dan, for another spot-on post. It makes me think of a story I once read and has never forgotten since. It’s a bit long, apologies, but it taught me a lesson that might be beneficial to others as well:
Back in the days when communism took over Russia and the Soviet Union was formed, a man was being pursued by armed communist troops. He was attempting to reach the border to escape the country. Going on foot was not an option, and he was allowed to ride along on a farmer’s cart. The farmer helped him greatly, didn’t betray him, and even gave him a jug of milk. However, fearing the armed troops, he did not dare to drive all the way to the border. Therefore, he dropped the man off a few kilometers before the border. The man was allowed to take the jug of milk with him for the journey.
The armed troops were closing in on him, and even though he only had a few kilometers left to go, he had to hide at some point.
And here’s the twist: he had hidden himself so well that the troops would not have found him…. had he not been given the jug of milk. You see, this jug was leaking, and through the trail of spilled milk, the troops were able to track the man down and arrest him.
The big lesson: either help someone completely (and then do it really, really well!), or don’t help at all. Half-helping is often less beneficial than not helping at all.
Powerful story. You remind me that sincerity is not enough. Of course, it’s essential, but sincerity needs wisdom in order to truly help someone. Half-helping isn’t helpful and neither is over-helping. Leaders navigate this terrain every day.
“Half-helping isn’t helpful and neither is over-helping.” Reads like a powerful quote, worth a post on its own. Thank you Dan!
“The challenge is to follow up a few days later….” That’s something I’ve had to learn and am still working on. People who confess an addiction often receive hugs, encouragement, and “I’ll be praying for you,” but three days later no one has checked on them. That’s why 12-step (and similar) groups are so effective: they provide continued support. Habits are similar to addictions. To help someone overcome a bad habit in how they work requires regular follow-up for a while. Better yet would be a couple of people this person could check in with for just a couple of minutes each day.
Thanks Peter. Sometimes reflecting on an extreme like overcoming addiction helps give clarity to every day types of help. Follow up increases impact.