To Communicate with Power, Use These 9 Questions
You communicate with power when you speak to universal concerns.
Say words people need to hear, not things you need to say.
Goals are important. Direction might be necessary. But don’t fall in love with telling competent people what to do.
Communicate with Power:
Everyone lives with nine primal questions. Anything you say to address the nine primal concerns elevates your relevance.
(The following questions are crafted to maintain personal responsibility for our emotions.)
#1. Am I Safe?
What actions can you take to feel comfortable with your responsibilities?”
#2. Am I Secure?
What are you doing to reinforce your sense of security here?
#3. Am I Loved?
What would you like me or others to notice about the value you bring the team?
#4. Am I Wanted?
How do you actively contribute to your sense of inclusion and belonging here?
#5. Am I Successful?
What personal measures of success are most important to you in this role?
#6. Am I Good Enough?
How are you using feedback to reinforce your own confidence in your work?
#7. Do I Have Control?
What aspects of your job are within your control? How are you maximizing your influence in those areas?
#8. Am I Understood?
What actions are you taking to ensure that your voice is heard and understood?
#9. Do I Have Purpose?
What part of your work provides you with the most personal meaning, and how are you aligning yourself with that?
Responsibility:
You communicate with power when you encourage ownership.
Notice the above questions keep responsibility on the person you are speaking with. Don’t take responsibility for someone’s feelings. When you soften the language, you minimize accountability.
You can build environments where positive emotions are likely. You can approach relationships with kindness and compassion, but you can’t make people feel anything.
Share ways to communicate with power.
Author’s note: This post is inspired by, “The 7 Primal Questions,” by Mike Foster. I highly recommend his work.
Still curious:
Stop Hedging – It Makes You Sound Weak
Your strength, power and sense of self must come from within!
Good seeing you today, Michael. I instinctively agree with you. And I have nagging thoughts that others impact my sense of self, even though I agree that it shouldn’t.
You communicate with power:
–when you are clear, concise, and precise. Less is better.
–when you frame the issue in a new way
–when you ask the right questions that helps the person explore assumptions and options.
Once again, wonderful insights. “Less is better” = my favorite! 🙂
Nice piece, Dan. Your points 7 and 8 are right in line with the two main employee cravings I tell clients must be met in order to get people fully engaged – i.e., to be tuned in, turned on and eager to go above and beyond: 1) To be heard and know their voices are valued and taken seriously; 2) To have some control over the decisions and actions that affect their lives in the workplace. My book has oodles of other engagement factors/triggers, but if you meet those two with right kind of structure and processes, you’re most of the way home. Here’s a link to a PDF of my book if you’d like to check it out. It’s a business fable with fun references to characters like Henry David Thoreau and Barney the Purple Dinosaur (who’s making a comeback, I’m told) https://www.landesassociates.com/book/
Thanks for sharing your insights, Les. I appreciate you extending the conversation.