7 Small Acts of Humility
We keep humility at arm’s length because we misunderstand it. Humility expands your life. Arrogance constrains it.
Everything good begins with humility.
7 Small acts of humility:
#1. Notice your desire for control. Frustration is an unmet need to control. It’s arrogance when you try to control people. Humble leaders know people control themselves. Trust competent people.
#2. Ask for help. I prefer giving help to receiving it. A person who never asks for help has a problem. When I have something you don’t have – knowledge, power, authority, skill, or resources – it’s justification to feel superior.
#3. Use four words regularly. “What do you think?” Listen to the response. Think about how it might work. Try something someone else suggests.
#4. Listen a little more. Eagerness to speak is pride and I don’t mean the good kind. See how long you can be interested in someone.
#5. Make a list of things you don’t know. We naturally think we know when we don’t. A reminder of your ignorance might open your mind. For example, you don’t know what other people think unless they tell you.
#6. Approach people as people, not tools. Leaders hire people to do things and then forget they’re humans.
#7. Give help softly. Don’t pressure people to receive your help. Ask permission. Respect the competence of others to let them grapple with issues on their own.
Humility is a direction, not a destination.
Which practice could you implement today?
What’s challenging about working to be humble?
Added resource: “Humble Leadership,” by Edgar Schein and Peter Schein
Awesome post! Thank you for this important reminder!
Thank you, Philip. Stay warm up there!
Great reminders, wise words as always. Sharpening my pencil to start my list. Happy New Year!!
If you’re making a list of things you don’t know, it started slow for me, but I picked up speed as time past. Thanks for dropping in, Robin.
Yes, indeed. Ask “what do you think?” But then you must genuinely listen. This is not a tactic to be used, but must come from genuine curiosity and a willingness to go with what the other said. “Tell me more” or “what am I missing?” can be powerful questions as well. Thanks, Dan! It’s Monday, we have all week to excel!
Thanks for sharing your insights. I define “genuine” broadly. Sometimes I don’t feel interested in others. But,I keep in mind the person I aspire to become. I aspire to be interested in people. That aspiration is genuine even when there’s a part of me that doesn’t feel interested. I use the word “feel” to make a difference between feelings and decisions. There’s also a difference between feelings and values. I value honesty. It can feel hard to tell the truth sometimes, especially when the truth makes me look bad.
With the assumption of good intent, it seems to me they go hand-in-hand. I’ve heard submission defined as sub-mission, or “under the same mission”: being aligned on purpose and direction, with everyone working towards the same thing, just in different roles.
It’s too bad we see submission only as a “dirty word”. It is all-too-often used as a way to control others. Understood properly, it requires mutual respect, trust in one another, and shared values. And this grows healthy humility. My experience is that the lion’s share of building this type of environment falls on leadership to model proper behavior – with a lot of self-inspection and self-restraint.
Thanks for listening… I’m growing and learning through these posts and the great comments from you and others.
Defining submission as “under the same mission” causes me to think about shared commitment more than hierarchy. In English it’s a novel definition.
Submission in the traditional sense is offensive to modern culture. However, it’s part of life. I suppose the idea of obedience offends some. But again, obedience is part of life.
I love this list. I have found the quote (not sure who to attribute) that “Judgment and curiosity cannot live in the same space” to be powerful in facilitating a team. Also, being asked for help is one of the best ways to grow trust in a relationship. Brene Brown says that bosses have highest trust for members of their team that ask for help.
Thanks, Jerry. I hadn’t heard the idea that we trust people who ask for help. Seems like that idea applies to higher ups as well.
There was a time when I thought listening without judgement was dumb. But I learned that people don’t feel heard until I listen to understand. Frankly, judging is easier.
– I’m working on using “#3. Use four words regularly. ‘What do you think?'” more often.
– I personally appreciate “#7. Give help softly. Don’t pressure people to receive your help.”
Dan – I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the relationship between humility and submission. As you point out, we “keep humility at arm’s length because we don’t understand it.” We seem to actively work against (rebel?) the conscious idea of submission. Yet it seems to me this is a powerful tool we inherently, unconsciously use every day, and one that structures a sound organization and society.
Fascinating reflection, Ryan. I haven’t thought about being submissive. If we think of submission as obedience, I can see the connection between humility and submission. If we think submission describes innate value, I don’t see the connection. Also, I feel concerned about submission meaning blind obedience. Humility holds to integrity so it wouldn’t obey when it meant violating personal values. Thanks for bringing this up. It’s an interesting approach using a controversial word.
This is incredible. These are great hints that help leaders respect the voices and opinions of others.
Thanks Dream!
What an inspiring choice of topic; one that I often need to llive into rather than just speak the words. The word “surrender” used to raise my hackles until I realized that it also meant letting go of what no longer served me- in this case the need to always feel right. For me “surrender” also implies my choice whereas “submit” can mean bowing under a higher pressure. Isn’t our whole life about learning the way of humility to allow ourselves to both realize that we are works in progress and that as you say, none of us ever knows it all. Thanks to all who wrote comments and to you for motivating this discussion.