Is Childhood Running Leadership
I am – in many ways – the person I have been since childhood. Milking cows cured me of any desire to be a dairy farmer. But I value work.
My dad showed me how to love my wife. But otherwise, he rarely expressed emotion. I learned that emotions were private things. I have slowly learned how to show my heart.
Look back to gain insight, not to blame.
Work Backwards
Current leadership behaviors often trace back to early family life. Notice current patterns.
What recurring behaviors were learned when you were a kid?
Perhaps perfectionism was born because criticism caused shame. If performance brought love, are you afraid to rest? Is conflict avoidance connected to an unsafe home life?
Recognize when old protective strategies no longer serve you.
Strengths and Shadows
Childhood self-reliance shows up as initiative. The downside? You won’t ask for help.
High expectations fueled excellence. The downside? Perfectionism.
Reading people’s moods developed emotional awareness. The downside? People-pleasing.
Questions that Connect Past and Present
- What helped you succeed in your family?
- What earned approval?
- What got you into trouble?
- What emotions were acceptable?
- Which emotions were discouraged?
- How was conflict handled?
- How did people apologize?
- How was failure treated?
- What role did you naturally assume?
- Which of those behaviors still show up today?
Childhood Influence
Childhood shows up in adulthood. But your past doesn’t control you.
Notice how your early life shows up today. See the pattern. Choose a healthy response.
I still see the boy I once was. He strengthens me. But some patterns need to be recognized and retired.
Some Childhood Aspirations Come True Leadership Freak
How does your childhood show up in your leadership?
This post was inspired by the new book The Origin of a Leader by Pam Manfredo Curtis, PhD.
I contend that no two (or more) siblings grew up in the same family. Birth order matters. The aging/maturing of parents. Cash flow. Older children adjust to the addition of younger ones, but youngest don’t need to adjust. So it would be a fun exercise to ask some of these questions to siblings to see how similar or dissimilar the answer might be. Thanks, Dan. I have a new grandson, born yesterday – his older brother will need to adjust.
Thanks Pete. The first time I learned about birth order was from Kevin Leman’s book, The Birth Order Book. It was a delightful and informative read.
This makes me think of Amy Leach “Your blessing is your curse and your curse is your blessing.” Situations that build strengths can come with ill-fitting patterns or worn-out perspectives. Growth occurs when strengths are allowed to exist without the baggage (or at least without the baggage being the whole story). Cheers for the timely self-reflection prompts for my journey today.
Love the phrasing, “ill-fitting patterns or worn-out perspectives.” Thanks. And so true. I keep learning that my life today, in many ways, reflects my life back then.