Don’t Be a Hater-Leader

You aren’t literally a hater-leader. (I hope.) But you may do things that feel like hate.

Leaders who focus on fixing people feel like haters to their victims.

Rejection feels like hate.

Development helps people grow. Fixing treats them like defects.

Evolution of a Hater-Leader

Hating quietly sneaks up on leaders who focus on weaknesses. Nagging dissatisfaction comes off like hate. Focusing on problems and failures transforms you into a hater-leader.

Control your focus because your focus controls you.

Power of Focus

• Focus on inadequacy to create inferiority.
• Focus on opportunity to ignite optimism. 
• Focus on weaknesses to become a fixer.
• Focus on strengths to expand competencies.
• Focus on progress to generate energy.
• Focus on power to make others feel weak.
• Focus on joy to become magnetic.

You find what you seek. You go where you look.

Look for problems; you’ll find them. Helping feels like hating when it’s fueled by dissatisfaction.

What do your words reveal about your focus?

Action Items

• Spend an entire conversation exploring capabilities.
• Ask three questions before offering one suggestion.
• Say, “I trust your judgment.”
• Notice when you collect evidence that confirms a negative opinion.
• Make room for humanity. Not every weakness requires your intervention.
• Describe impact. Say, “The delay created confusion,” not, “You’re unreliable.”
• Notice improvement before mastery.

People grow when they feel respected, not rejected.

Respect feels like love.

Have you experienced a hater-leader? What were they like?

Stop Hating the People You Serve – Leadership Freak

Book: Helping People Change.